The Dark Side

"Il faut souffrir pour etre belle"

2008-04-02T09:44:00.002-04:00

"One must suffer for to be beautiful."

That's the literal translation of course.

I'm suffering now but there's no beauty in it nor do I feel beautiful. He's suffering now and there's no beauty in that either. I honestly thought that when I checked the blog this morning, something would already be here. But I was wrong...there was just nothing.

Things in our lives had been going fairly well except for small bumps, which are to be expected. No big deal. I was happy with the way things were. We never got back into the D/s aspect of our relationship. The pain in the bedroom never stopped because he's a sadist and I'm a masochist, that will probably never change. But the D/s had just faded away. We did have several heated conversations over it in January but nothing came of it.

Until last night...

We disagreed over the way something had been handled. He didn't approve of the way I had dealt with a situation but he wasn't going to change the outcome. We continued disagreeing about it and eventually got ourselves into an argument. He made a comment about how lax things had gotten and how he needed to reign things back in; this just sent me off the edge.

We sat down and talked about the argument that had happened and he wanted to know how I felt. That was settled and then we got to what was probably the real underlying issue all along; the fact that we really didn't have a D/s thing going at all and neither of us were happy.

He wants to continue but as I explained to him last night, I don't think I can do it anymore without something changing. All the pain and anger I had been holding back was shown and although I wasn't hateful, the way I felt hurt him. The fact that I can't keep trying to hold on to the D/s for both of us when life gets busy. The fact that I can't take the high I get from serving and pleasing him only to fall harder and harder each time because life has gotten in the way again and everything stops.

This has gone on for two years, this cycle that has done nothing but cause issues between us. I asked him how I was suppose to know that this time would be any different. I told him that I was scared to let myself be that vulnerable again only to be disappointed in the end. It always scared me that I was going to open myself up too much and he would also be scared that I depended on him so much. I would always feel so wonderful and close to him and life would cause a distance to appear and grow between us again.

I asked him if he thought that what was feeling was legit. I wanted to know if saw my side, saw the reasons why. He couldn't answer me, said that he couldn't tell me how to feel. I asked where we go from here and he said that we would just be an ordinary couple leading an ordinary life.

Now I feel like the distance between us now is greater than it ever has been and I don't know how to close it. He believes that I've already made my decision but I haven't. He's going off of that assumption. I am submissive to my core. Always have been and always will be. It's something that I cannot change. He dominant and always will be; I would never ask him to change.

So, where do we go from here? Neither of us is happy. There is a feeling of relief on my part because I'd been holding so much in. I'm still madly in love with him. I still get excited when I hear him pull into the driveway. I still smile when I answer the phone and it's his voice on the other end. I look into his eyes and can still see my future. I still feel safe and protected from the world when he holds me. He can make my entire world disappear by looking at me the right way or saying the right things.

Maybe the best solution is to start over again. Perhaps we should both just let go of what has happened in the past and start anew. We should throw out the old expectations and rules and create a set that fits our lives as they stand now. A lot of changes have happened in the past three years; inevitably, we've both grown and changed and maybe the structure needs to change with it. A lot of changes will come our way in the next couple of years and things may need to change again. So maybe that's the answer. If not the answer, maybe it's the start we need to get back to place where we are both happy again.

I'm submissive and without someone to guide me, I'm about as good as a boat out of water.

Yes, we're alive

2008-01-22T22:37:00.000-05:00

We are here and doing fairly well. We've both just recently started reading blogs again after taking a hiatus for almost a year. There are reasons behind the break and maybe I'll be able to explain a little better a little later.

So, what have we been up to, you ask? A great deal, actually. Llama has been furthering her education, finally finishing her degree. Of that, I am extremely proud of her. She has managed to juggle a great deal over the last year to accomplish that goal. I have been working, and working, and working. A great deal of the time I spend at work has been so that her dream could be realized and she could have that degree.

We took a break from just about all things D/s related. There were many reasons. The biggest reason was simply time. Not having enough hours in the day or energy when there is free time took a toll. We had several heated discussions trying to decide if we should start up again. We have decided that yes, we will resume a more active D/s relationship each day, not just in the bedroom, that never really stopped - just eased up a bit. We have a few rough spots to iron out. Llama has gotten very independent over the past year simply out of necessity, not rebellion. So, it's going to be hard for both of us to go back to the way it was, but we'll get there.

I'm toying around with the idea of letting this blog go all together, and starting somethig else. Not sure yet what I'm going to do.

28 Hours per Day

2007-01-11T23:34:00.000-05:00

19 days since the last time we wrote anything here. How did that happen? Well, actually, I know the answer. We went away for a few days over Christmas to visit family. Good trip, nice to get away. When we came back, I buried myself right back in work.

This of course, has not helped at home. Llama has been anxious as of late. We had a few light sessions, tried to get back in the groove, but it hasn't worked. Then the e-mail. I was at work yesterday, and I went to check my e-mail. In fact, I was working late. I should have already been on my way home, but wasn't. I won't give specifics, but the overview is this; she doens't feel attractive, she thinks I'm not sexually interested in her anymore, and there isn't enough time together.

I ageree, there isn't enough time. I will be the first to admit that. I am, of course. sexually attracted and interested in her. The only problem is that after working an 18 hour day, there isn't much energy left for much else. As for her not being attractive - well, that's just not true. However, convincing her of that is another story.

I wish I could find a way to spend less time working and more time at home with Llama. I don't know how to solve the current problem facing me.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-23T21:14:00.000-05:00

Master and I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We hope that you get to spend it surrounded by the ones you love the very most. I also hope everyone gets what they asked for, for Christmas...even if they have been naughty. I think the naughty ones have much more fun!! See you after the New Year....

Merry Christmas!!!

Image courtesy of angelfire.com

"Love shall be our token, love be yours and love be mine"

2006-12-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

"Love was Born at Christmas" from Shawn Colvin's "Holiday Songs and Lullabies"

Master and I are doing rather well these days. He is still busy with work and I'm busy preparing for the holidays but we have seemed to find our place right now. I know that I'm comfortable and it seems that Master is happy with where we are at.

I guess I feel lucky because other people seem to get really stressed out this time of year because of the holidays. I have no doubt that we'll hit a snag or two before it's all over with. Master has been keeping me in line by using me after the lights go out. Just when I think we've reached another level of pain, of Him using me, of my wanting to be hurt, He takes me to yet another level where I'm literally begging Him to hurt and use me. It doesn't hurt that when He is home on a day off, that He gives me the attention and time I crave from Him. I'm a happy little slave these days.

Last night, Master had a meeting after work and wouldn't be home until later on in the evening. I got His permission to get something slutty on and present Him with a drink when He came through the door. I was having trouble keeping my hands off my freshly shaved pussy. I love my pussy smooth and knowing that Master was going to come home and hurt me, made it harder to keep occupied while I waited.

Unfortunately, His meeting ran a lot later than expected. He gave me a ring to let me know He was on His way and understood if I was too tired. I was quite tired (He reads me too well) and went to change into some sweats and a tee shirt. I ended up dozing off on the couch before He arrived. He came to me and kissed me apologizing. There was really no need for it and I told Him so. Life happens and I've come to understand that He won't always make it home by the time I expect Him and that's OK.

After talking for a bit, we made our way to bed. I beat Him to the bathroom so I crawled into bed before He did. I cuddled down and waited for Him to crawl in. As always, when He got into bed, I waited for Him to cuddled up to me. I love feeling His bare skin against mine. It's such a comfortable and safe feeling, not to mention erotic. He slid in and over to me and apologized again for getting home slightly late. Then He kissed me ever so gently. One of those kisses that sent a shiver through my body and made me feel so loved.

We kissed again, one thing leading to another. He kissed my neck so lovingly, sucked my nipples, and caressed my body. I got my hand to His cock to find Him hard and stroked Him up and down, played with His balls, and kissed His neck. He got on top of me, wrapped me in His arms and slid into my wet pussy. I needed Him so bad and wanted Him even more. We began to make love, ever so slowly and gently.

There was no hair pulling, biting, slapping, name calling, choking, or scratching. Only two people who are deeply in love with each other, making love to and enjoying one another. Each time I came, He pulled my body even closer to His, feeling ever quiver and ragged breath. The pace quicken when He got close to cumming. I wanted nothing more than to feel Him cum in me, to know that He owned my body and soul and didn't have to demand it of me. As He moaned and grunted through His orgasm, I held Him as tightly as I could. He collapsed on top of me and held me close as His cock still spasmed inside of me. I didn't want Him to move. I wanted to stay in that very moment forever.

There was nothing else in the world but the two of us and our love.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Master replied and kissed me gently on the lips. I fell asleep with His hand on my thigh and His cum in my pussy, knowing deep in my heart and soul that He loved me more than life itself and cherished me above all others.

God I love that man...

Happy HNT

2006-12-07T17:18:00.000-05:00

I think the sign says it all.

Ok - so she's not Half-Naked, she's mostly naked. But wow - what a picture!

What a Weekend!

2006-11-27T21:37:00.000-05:00

It started off innocently enough with a trip to a local store. We needed a few odds and ends after the holiday. After we walked through the door, Master immediately headed off towards the women's clothing. I just followed, trying to figure out why we were heading in this direction. He began picking out clothing, simply asking me the sizes before handing them to me. All I had to do was hold what He handed to me. He ended up purchasing me several new pieces of clothing that I can mix and match to look casual or dressy.

It was wonderful!! I have the inability to shop for myself. Master has sent me out to do so and I've not fared very well. It would've taken me at least two hours to pick out what He did in 15 minutes. I wouldn't have picked out as many things either. I felt so loved and owned.

The fun didn't end there either. We that night free and decided to go out. Master decided to take me a strip club. It was my first time but I had a pretty good idea of what it'd be like. It was a bit nicer than I thought and there were more women in the place than men at one point. We took a seat at a table back from the stage and ordered drinks. Master was letting me drink, which always makes me relax and go with the flow easier.

The first excitement came when the "shot girl" came around. She was a cute blonde with a very nice body. They were body shots, so she'd pick where the shot had to be taken from. We'd watched her walk the room and she always put the tube in her cleavage. That was, until she got to me. She stuck the tube down in the front waistband of her pants. I giggled and took the shot. Very tasty.

As we sat and I drank more and more, a brunette stripper started doing her thing. She had an amazing ass and danced well. Master put a dollar on the table and told me to go up and give it to her. I blushed, nervous to be the first one up for this dancer. I took a sip of my drink and walked up. She had me stand up, and rubbed her ass on my boobs. Her ass literally vibrated! She kissed my cheek and thanked me before I sat down.

A few drinks later, a blond stripper took the stage. Another woman walked up with her money. The stripper had her stand and began to kiss her neck while grabbing her boobs and butt. Master's jaw dropped. He got out another dollar and told me to go up. By this point, I was buzzing on my drinks. He walked up with me and watch as the stripper sucked and nibbled my neck and ears, while grabbing my ass and chest. It was sexy, I have to admit.

The alcohol was really calming my nerves when the shot girl came back around. This time, she put the tube in just above her ass, in the waistband of her wonderfully fitting jeans. She was a sweet girl who got tipped well evening.

Soon, all the strippers came out and started working the room. My favorite ass stripper came over and offered a couch dance. Master came along to watch....

He got one hell of a show!!

She rubbed me up and down, had my shirt up, exposing my black bra. My hand had her ass cheek. She pinched and nibbled my nipples, rubbed her nipple against mine. She kissed and nibbled my neck and ears. I was shifting back and forth in my seat, getting more and more aroused. I was waiting for her to kiss me and she almost did when she ended. I have to admit that I was very attracted to this woman. Actually, she was the first woman I've ever been sexually attracted to.

This was pretty much the end of our night. Master paid our tab and we each got rubbed down by our favorite stripper once more before we headed out. This is when we discovered we'd been thinking the same thing. I was thinking about mentioning taking her home, as was Master.

The threesome fantasy is still one I have a lot of trouble wrapping my mind around and get emotional over when it's discussed. I have my fears and I still rather it stay a fantasy (that's a whole, new post!). I'm glad we didn't bring her home although I know we would've had fun but I would've regretted it terribly. The next morning, more sober, I couldn't believe that I had given thought to bringing her home and voiced this to Master. Damn alcohol! *smiles*

So, Master bought me new clothing, took me to a strip club, let me drink all I wanted, watched me get rubbed against by a hot stripper, and got the end result of one very, very horny llama.

Perhaps we should take another trip to the club and look up my favorite stripper again here soon....!!

Giving Thanks

2006-11-22T20:07:00.000-05:00

Goodness, we've been so busy lately. I'd check through my blog everyday and would check to see if anyone had left a comment or if Master had time to make a post. I'd always think, "I need to make a post about something..." And would forget about soon after. I have tried to keep up with my reading however and have been fairly successful with that.

I just wanted to get in a quick post before tomorrow morning. We'll be heading off to enjoy dinner with family and probably a couple of friends. We'll eat too much food, drink too much wine, and enjoy ourselves way too much. I also wanted to mention that I'm thankful for my Master, who deals with way more drama than He ought to sometimes.

Thank you Master for always being there when I need you most. Thank you for dealing with my personal issues and insecurities...They are hard enough for me to deal with so I can't imagine how You deal with them but You do. I'm thankful that we've got to spend more time together lately, especially the lovely bruises You've left on my chest. I remember You everytime I rub my chest during the day and when I admire them in the mirror after a shower. I love You Master and I'm so thankful that You came into my life and chose me.

To everyone, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that you are able to spend it with the family and friends that you love so much and hold dear. I hope everyone is able to take time out and really think about the things that they are thankful for.

Don't send the flowers yet

2006-11-20T08:36:00.000-05:00

I swear, we're still alive. I know I said I was going to make an effort to post more often. Obviously that hasn't worked out too well. Actually, things here are going quite well for llama and I. There just aren't enough hours in the day. And with the holidays rapidly approaching, it will only get worse.

We haven't had the time for a full blown play session in weeks, but we manage to have some vigorous and heated romps in the bedroom on a fairly regular basis. I suppose that's domething.

Just wanted to say hello to everyone still around to check on us and see if we're still here. Maybe one of these days I'll get my persoanl and professional life together and have the time I want to do all the things I want to do.

If I don't get a chance to write again this week, llama and I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. We plan on giving thanks for all the wonderful things in our life - and then eating everything that's not nailed down!

Ciao!

HNT - better late than never

2006-10-27T21:52:00.000-04:00

Blogger was acting up the other night, and I was unable to update. Finally - I am able to make a post and put up the pictures that I was unable to get off the camera from like a week ago. Yes, I managed to finally get them off the camera. So, enjoy some of my knife handi-work on llama!

New Blogs to Read!!!

2006-10-18T15:37:00.000-04:00

I am quite the blog whore. My list of daily reads is so long it has its own folder in my 'Favorite's' list. The kinky blogs and vanilla blogs are also separated into their own folders. *smiles*

Anyways, I added some blogs to our Daily Reads list. I can't seem to keep up with all of the blogs that link back to us but I know most are already listed anyways.

padme's devotions
padme now has her own blog, separate from Journey to the Dark Side. She's only made a couple of posts so far and I can't wait to see more of her personal feelings.

kaya
This blog is written for kaya's Master and often includes very witty, funny posts as well as very honest, emotion-filled posts. Her Master is often away from home because of work but he keeps her going with interesting daily tasks. She also includes pictures which are a bonus because even without them, her blog would be more than wonderful and deserving of a lot of readers. To be honest, when I first began reading her blog, it was a bit unsettling because of her level of submission and some of the tasks required of her. However, I kept reading it and have come to enjoy it immensely, often checking several times a day for her posts.

Confessions of an English Gentleman
Another wonderful read about a man and his expectations of his submissive. His posts can often be eye-opening to a submissive because of the different point of view.

Everything Goes
A couple's blog kept by Griz and goodgirl. They offer wonderful HNT pictures, product reviews for those of you who are always shopping for more new, exciting implements, and fantastic stories of their journey through BDSM and D/s.

The training of His slut
This blog goes along with Everything Goes and is written by goodgirl. She describes her progress as she and Griz go through her training in order to deepen her submission. I enjoy reading this blog because it reminds me that all slaves have doubts and worries too, not just me.

luna's Journey
I just recently began reading this blog, having found it on our "Blogs That Link Here" list. Once again, a blog that I can relate to on so many levels.

I also changed the link for "Randomness" seeing as Dave and Am now have a couple's blog that is very insightful and seems very honest. Every so often, they post new pictures of Am or do reviews of new products they have purchased. Their new blog is listed under "Our Kinky Blog."

All of the blogs I have mentioned above are fantastic reads. I recommend that if you aren't reading them, to stop by and give them a peak. I think that you'll enjoy them a lot!

Things around her are going well. Master and I were laying in bed the other night and began talking about my need for pain. My need for a lot of pain is back with a vengence and Master seems happy to sate the need. He began to speak about where He thinks I am and what He wants to do to me. "I think you're about ready to have blood drawn, to be cut."

Oh goodness His voice turned me on; He sounded so devious and dominant that I literally moaned. He told me to reach down between His legs where I found His cock hard. "Just talking about it makes me hard llama."

I started stroking Him, which led to Him biting and pinching me.

"I'm gonna take your ass. What do you think about that? You want me to fuck your ass don't you slut?"

Oh hell yes!! I moaned and answered "yes Master." He went to get a condom and the KY. Soon, my ass was lubed up and He was pressing into me. I came within a minute. When He fucks my ass I swear He hits my G-spot. It wasn't too soon when He growled into my ear, "I'm going to come in your ass."

I'm excited for later on tonight. I'm hoping that we start experimenting with more pain. I need it so bad. I can't explain where this need for pain comes from but it's here to stay I think.

Success

2006-10-12T11:13:00.000-04:00

I had to make a post because I didn't like opening our blog and seeing "Failure." I wanted to cum so bad that night and give Master the orgasm that was right there. I felt so terrible and really quite disgusting. After Master left the room, I just cried into my pillow.

But this, in no way, stopped Master from trying again. *smiles* It was a night or two after the last post. Master and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home, just watching TV and being a normal, vanilla couple. It was after 10pm when I got up and kissed Master goodnight.

"I'll be in in just a few minutes," He said with a smile. I grinned, having a pretty good feeling as to what was going to happen. He came in as He said, stood next to the bed, and pulled the covers off of me. Down His shorts went and out came His already hard cock. He put it to my lips and I eagerly sucked it in, enjoying the taste and feeling of His cock on my tongue.

He didn't let me continue for too long before climbing on top of me and roughly kissing me. He nibbled my neck and down to my tits. He bit, pulled and twisted my tits which only made me wetter. Master's hand made their way down my pants and found me soaking wet. He yanked my pants down and threw them across the room. He worked His magical fingers, spreading my juices around, and took turn between rubbing my clit and finger fucking me.

Slowly He began to work more fingers into me. I'd mentioned a few months ago that I'd like to try fisting and tonight would be the first! He stretched me out good, all the while playing with my clit with His other hand. Soon, I felt His knuckles pushing against my pussy. God the pain felt so good and soon, I exploded around His fingers. He worked every last bit of orgasm out of me.

"Oh yes," He said as He climbed on top of me, offering His fingers to my mouth, which I sucked happily. He pushed into me with ease and fucked me good and hard. I don't remember how many times I came in all. The pain felt so good.

After He came, we cleaned up and say back to relax. I think I may have dozed back off but Master eventually came to bed (again...lol) and we laid down to sleep. That never works for us. He started teasing me by grinding His hips into my ass and I would push back.

We ended fucking again. This time He was more rough with my poor tits. And I loved every single second of it. I moaned, squealed, struggled, tried not to scream, and almost came as He tortured my tits with His hands and teeth. I was left very marked and very happy. The bruises can still be seen well even today.

Master once again, brought me back. The stress all but disappeared and I was able to get my mind focused on some things I needed to get done. I was able to get them done and more. I'm one very happy and very owned slave. Play will be at a minimum until the middle of next week because of my period but I'm hoping to get a spanking tomorrow night before a very busy weekend so that I can remain in the mind space I'm in.

Thank you Master, for not giving up on me and for taking the time to bring me back. I've been so much happier and content since then. Perhaps you could give me a spanking tomorrow night to keep me in line for a busy weekend. I feel very owned and protected right now. I'm sorry for our argument the other night about my career but it's about the fear of failure more than anything else. I'd just as soon as not try than to try and fail. I trust what you say but I'm not sure that I can do it.

I love you Master.

Failure

2006-10-06T22:46:00.000-04:00

Even before llama made her last post, I knew she was stressed. It was kind of hard to miss. The signs have all been there. I have tried to make things easier for her, but I havn't succeeded. Tonight, was a disaster.

We finally found a few free hours to spend alone tonight, and we both had the same idea in mind. llama went off to take a bath and try to relax a bit, and when she emerged from the bedroom, she was wearing a new outfit she had bought a couple weeks ago that we hadn't had time to enjoy yet.

It was pink and frilly and see-though and lacy, and short.... and looked fantastic on her. She also had on a new pair of black thigh-highs. I was instantly aroused, and was ready for action. llama had been teasing with me all afternoon, making suggestive comments and flirting. She more than once told me she wanted a paddling tonight. I was ready to give her a good work-out.

I sent her to the bedroom to get out the toy box, and get the bed ready, then followed her in. I ordered her to kneel in front of me, she sighed and began to move. I asked her what was wrong - she wouldn't answer. I asked her again, and she told me that she couldn't let go, couldn't get into space, was afraid of being dissapointed, the list went on.

I started teasing her. I bent her over the bed, and started playing with her. Then I teased her asshole. Pretty soon, I had one finger in her ass and 2 in her pussy. She was soaking wet. I added some KY to her ass and inserted the beads into her ass and a vibrator into her pussy. After several minutes, I had her lay on the bed.

I started using another vibrator on her clit. She was close to orgasm. She was so close, but couldn't relax enough to let herself go. I switched tactics and used one vibrator on her clit as I entered her. It was long and slow, she was right on the edge. All too soon, I was at the point of no return and came hard inside her. She still had not climaxed. She began to cry.

She told me that she couldn't relax enough to let go. I told her it was ok, everyone has stress and from time to time this happens to everyone. She didn't agree, it wasn't ok. I layed next to her for a long while and tried to calm her down and make her relax, and see that it was really ok. She never agreed. She wound up going to bed, very upset and still stressed.

I need to find a way to make her relax.

Hush

2006-10-03T18:07:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I've posted, probably too long. Like Master said in the last post, I've been struggling as of late. I've been so incredibly stressed, such that I can't sleep, my body hurts. I have muscles that are tense that I never knew I had. Master and I have also been really busy lately. By time He gets home, I'm usually heading to bed.

This was the case last night. I told Master that I was going to bed, when He replied, "No you aren't." I was less than enthused but I didn't have the energy to argue. I simply sighed, went to the couch, and snuggled down as much as I could. I dozed off for short periods of time before Master announced that it was time to go to bed.

He got right into bed, naked, and made sure I knew He was naked. *smiles* I have to take out my contacts before anything and shut the light off before stripping down myself. I climbed in and got right up against His back to get warm. As I cuddled up to Him, He pushed His ass back into my pelvis, chuckling. I giggled and smiled as I let my hand drift down to His ass. I rubbed my finger tips and grazed my nails right down the crease of His ass and thighs. He moaned in response so I continued. I did this for a minute or two before reaching around front to feel His already hardening cock in my hands. I began stroking Him and rubbing His balls in my hands. He moaned and squirmed at my touch which began to excite me.

He rolled towards me a bit, pinning the left half of my body to the bed. He reached over and began stroking my tits and lightly pinching my nipples. His hand slowly moved down to my pussy and began stroking my lips and thighs. Eventually He spread my lips and just touch my clit. I shuddered. All the while I'm stroking His now hard cock, feeling Him pulse within my hand. He fingered me oh-so-slowly to an orgasm.

He sat up and rolled over onto my body, sliding His cock into my very wet pussy with ease. He thrusted deep into me over and over again, quickly bringing me to another orgasm. After this one, He began to nibble lightly on my neck and collar bone. God it felt so good. I moaned, "Yes, a little bit of pain. Please make it hurt."

He obliged and began to nibble harder at my collar bone and neck. I could've melted into the bed at that point. He started to fuck me harder still. One of His hands soon found my ponytail and He twisted His fingers into it, tugging my head to whatever side He wished for it to be. His other hand moved from my neck to my tits, mashing them into my chest, or twisting my nipples until I cried out in pain. This all continued for some time. I lost track of how many time I came before Master filled me up with His cum.

Today, I feel so much better. I've been trying to figure out where my desire to submit to Master had been. A few nights ago, He ordered me to kneel in front of Him; I hesitated before getting onto my knees. I'm still worried that I'm going to fall out of space like I did over the weekend after our last scene. I had to call Him at work to ask Him a question and caught Him at a bad moment; He snapped at me and I snapped right back. Then I just cried.

I'm also afraid that my submissive fire has almost gone out. Out of everything that has to be done during the day, I don't have the time or energy to devote to fully serving Master with all I am. And He should never get less than my best effort. I have other thoughts and reasons behind this but I'm not sure that I feel like sharing them. But overall, things are doing better. We just have to find a balance in this just as we do for everything else in life I suppose.

HNT..... sort of

2006-09-28T23:58:00.000-04:00

OK, I just made it under the wire to make this post still on Thursday - but with a catch. The pictures I took the other day of llama after our session are stuck on the camera. I'm not sure what the problem is - if it's in the camera or the computer. Either way, I can't download them at the moment. So, you'll all have to wait until I can figure out the problem to see them.

Instead, I am putting up some pictures I have in my photo collection. Enjoy!

Out of sorts

2006-09-27T22:48:00.000-04:00

llama has been out of sorts. It's not a sudden occurence - it's been building. It's my fault. My schedule has not allowed us to enjoy the wonderful, regular, hard-core sessions we had in the past. The price of success, I suppose.

She's a pain slut, she knows it. I know it. She loves to be spanked and hurt, used and abused. We did this on a regular basis. Lately, there hasn't been the time. When there is the time, one or both of us is usually too tired. It's a double-edged sword. How do you give the one you love what you know she needs and desires when you simply can't find the time or the energy? You make the time.

Yesterday I had the morning free at home, so did llama. We agreed it was time to get back in the swing of things. We also agreed that we needed to start back slow, it's been well over a month since any serious play. Her pain tolerance has dropped to near-record lows.

She was also apprehensive. Not about us, her desires, or the actual play. She voiced a real, valid & justifiable concern to me. She was afraid if we started back up again after our circumstance-induced hiatus, that we wouldn't continue on a regular basis. She was afraid that she would get back into sub-space, then experience sub-drop again. I had not fully appreciated that she had gotten that far out of sorts. My intuition and vibes are off. I need to work on that some more.

We talked about it, I promised her that we would find the time, no matter what. I will do whatever I have to do to give her what she needs and desires, and deliver these things when needed and in a timely manner. It will take time and work, no question. I know that she is worth it, as well as our happiness in our sessions.

We did play for a few hours yesterday morning, llama getting marked in several ways and locations in the process, as well as multiple well-needed orgasms for her. It's a starting point for us, and we will build from there. Look for a HNT post tomorrow of some of my handy work on my dearest llama.

Please Help!

2006-09-19T07:28:00.000-04:00

It's too funny, I couldn't resist......

HNT

2006-09-14T17:00:00.000-04:00

Last week, llama had the pleasure of being roughed up. We had the opportunity to have some alone time, and the sex turned rough. The more things progressed, the more she begged me to get harder and rougher with her, and inflict additional pain upon her. The following are sample of the results as visible the next morning.

Mine

2006-09-07T20:10:00.000-04:00

Things have quieted back down. Life has picked up the pace once again, as it always happens. There have been some light scenes, mostly Master spanking me, pulling my hair, and slapping my face before and during sex.

It does the job of keeping me in my place for the most part. I always feel so much better afterwards, my mind so clear and focused, and serving Master comes as naturally as breathing.

Master and I agreed last night as I was laying in bed, that we need to find time to do a scene. I'm getting that itch, that want and need to have Master tease me, hurt me, pleasure me, and use me...All at the same time.

Who says slaves are needy?

Scenes are also very reassuring to me. They tell me that Master still loves this lifestyle, that He's still pleased with me (even though He'd let me know if He wasn't), and that we still have our deep connection.

As of late, things have been going fairly well except for what my intuition is picking up. I have a very good sense of intuition. Master, family, and friends will attest to this fact. I get the sense that something isn't quite right with Master and I've pinned it down to the fact that He's not happy with something and feels almost stuck; there's nothing He can do to improve the situation. I just can't figure out what the situation is although I have a fairly good idea.

I haven't even brought this up to Master yet. I almost don't want to waste His time by asking. We have little time for such trivial questions as He's busy with work, even when He's home. There are just better things to talk about. Hopefully we'll find some time in the near future to do a good scene before that time of the month hits.

I'm trying to make time to update more often. I'm trying to update about the other aspects of our relationship and not just the sex (although that's usually the most fun to write and read about).

I hope everyone is doing well!

You See Everything

2006-08-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

Oh I wish I had the camera here with me right now. I have some nice, black bruises on the inside of my thighs that I can't help but admire every chance I get. Master used His teeth to mark my thighs the other night while He switched between licking my pussy and biting it. I about went through the roof when He bit down on my labia and pulled them away from my body.

I love His physical domination over me, sexual and nonsexual. When we're together, He drives, always. I've only driven Him to the doctor once when He couldn't do it Himself. He'll hold my hand and lead me through crowds. He's held the back of my neck as I've walked ahead of Him, careful to follow His guide. I'm usually walking ever so slightly behind Him or standing behind Him, even when speaking with friends. I keep the house clean. I run errands for Him.

I kneel in front of Him. I love His hand around my throat or twisted up in my hair. His hands can completely wrap around my wrists. When He cuddles, He pulls me so close into Him and holds me there. I couldn't get up, even if I really wanted to. Who would!?

I can read His eyes and face. He orders for me at restaurants which makes me giggle; I always wonder what the waiter/waitress thinks when He does this. He holds the door for me and will open the car door. He treats me like a lady. And a slut. And a slave. He'll be careful with me or hurt me when He chooses to.

On that note, I'm still on this pain-kick. I'm constantly wanting more and more. I'm hoping that Master will bend me over and spank with some of our toys this evening. I'll be wearing new pajamas that barely cover my ass. Perhaps Master will snap some pictures of my red little ass. Maybe I'll ask Him to bruise me, mark me.

Whew, I'm getting myself all worked up! My mind is just imagining these things and I'm getting wet. I need to go distract myself for a bit!!

Blogging

2006-08-25T12:57:00.002-04:00

I need to apologize to all our readers. Blogging had become such a big part of my life for so long. Where'd it go awry? There were days I would spend hours on end reading many different blogs, not just the BDSM ones. I had an ever-growing list of regular reads. Maybe that was the problem.

I made contact with so many different people and accumulated such a large list, it became too much to keep up with. Then it became harder to choose between the adult-content blogs and the vanilla blogs.

I first noted I was slipping keeping up with the BDSM blogs, mostly because it became impossible to read them from work. Our IT folks started keeping an eye on what folks were looking at on the web while at work. So, I had to delete all bookmarks on my work computer, along with clearing out the history and cookies and cache as to not get caught looking at 'inappropriate' material. That of course didn't affect what I could look at home or on my laptop, but my work hours have steadily increased. With that also came a change of sorts in where I was working on certain days - even complicating things more. I will try and clarify so as to not be as cryptic.

I was splitting my work time between a couple different locations. One of those was a very laid-back and easy job. I had very little to do during the working hours to actually complete and fulfill my requirements. This left a great deal of free time while at work to surf the web and read blogs..... and get paid for it at the same time! The internet connection I was using was wireless and with a laptop, no one was really able to track what I was reading - made it easy. Well, several months ago, I had to leave that location and begin working somewhere else. This location not only didn't have a wireless connection, but my work load increased 10 fold. Don't get me wrong, I love the job and it keeps me busy, interested and stimulated - but even if I had the time (which I don't) to read the blogs, I didn't have a safe way to access them. With that change in work location & increase in the work load, also came a dramatic increase in the number of hours I spent at work. This left little time when I finally came home to dedicate to reading any sort of blogs.

Then I noticed I wasn't really reading the vanilla blogs at work anymore, I just didn't have the time. And as with the adult blogs, I didn't really have the free time at home at night anymore to read them. I made these realizations several weeks ago, but didn't have the time to really do much about it. So, here I am.

I am very much out of touch with everyone I used to read daily, often more than once a day. I haven't commented on any of my most favorite reads in months. So guys, I'm sorry. I have not intentionally abandoned anyone. And as is evident from our posts, they are sporadic and short at best.

What little free time I have these days, I have been trying to spend with llama and working on our D/s relationship. As everyone in this lifestyle is very aware, life tends to get in the way of blogging and blog reading. We have made some good progress with many issues we were facing, and we've had several play sessions, but I have slacked in taking pictures and posting pics for HNT.

I am so far behind on my regular reads, it's pathetic. I tried to read several today, since I had a day off, and I was very dismayed to find I was lost as to what is going on in many of our 'friends' lives. That realization is what prompted this post.

I will not promise to read everyday, nor will I promise to post everyday, or put up pics for HNT each week. But I will promise this - for those of you out there that are still reading us, despite the fact that we don't post each day anymore and have not been putting up many pics, I will promise to try and write more often and more regularly.

Along with that, I wish to thank those of you that have stuck with us for this long, and have been patient while these changing circumstances in our life have prevented us from being active on here each day as we had been in the past.

So Innocently

2006-08-20T13:50:00.000-04:00

That's how it all started. Master had an unexpected day off and decided to go in and take a nap before a promised night out. "Why don't you come in here and massage me?"

I sighed, turned off the television and strolled into the bedroom. He was lying on His stomach so I crawled up beside and started to rub His tired, tight shoulders. I worked up and down His back and around His shoulders for some time. I stopped and Master wanted to know why. "Well, if I continue rubbing things, you'll never fall asleep." I chuckled and we talked about nothing in particular for a little bit.

We got to laughing and teasing each other. I honestly was going to leave Him be but in teasing, we started wrestling; I ended up wrapped up in His arms next to Him. I made a mention that He could nibble while He was back there. *smiles and chuckles*

He did more than that and bit into the flesh of my back. I quivered. I needed to be hurt and Master knew it. He bit into me again drawing a moan out of my mouth and another full body quiver. He continued biting me, scratching, slapped my ass cheeks through my shorts. This went on for a few minutes before Master got off the bed and told me to remove my shirt and bra.

I obeyed and laid back down on my backside, already very sore and feeling so amazing. Master stripped down and retrieved our toy box out of the bedroom closet. He dug out the bag of clothes pins. Oh how I've missed those things! He climbed back up on the bed and said, "I've been wanted to try this for a long time now."

He began attaching the pins around my left breast. Oh my gawd!!! I was soaring so high it was unbelievable. I could feel the pain but I wanted it and needed it. I'm not sure what happened in the short time but soon He was pulling them back off and ordering me to roll back over. He than took my ass hard and deep. I love feeling His cock buried in my ass. The thought of it is making me horny now. He fucked me for what seemed like an eternity and made me cum two or three times. I know I came right after He entered me and started thrusting.

After He came, we both collapsed onto the bed. I was so high, soaring through space, every nerve in my body concentrated on feeling Master as His body lay atop mine. He pulled out and went to get cleaned up with me following quickly thereafter. I was such a submissive mood afterwards.

I could feel my face glowing and soul warmed. Unfortunately no pictures were snapped of this adventure although Master has promised more fun with clothes pins in the future and we promise to share the photos next time.

We chatted about it at dinner, this dark place I find myself. I'm not at all depressed or sad. It's dark because of my need to be hurt and my want to hide away from the outside world and be used by my Master at home. The thought has crossed my mind a lot in the past week; why do I need to be physically hurt so bad right now? Where has this come from? There have been times in the past where Master hasn't been able to smack my ass without eliciting a yelp of pain and now, I can't get enough.

I've questioned myself over and over again. Part of this need scares me and yet, more of me is calm because Master is in control of the pain He gives. Yesterday, He backed off at one moment because He knew it was a bit much and let my endorphines catch back up. I trust that He won't really physically harm me. He'll hurt me but He'll never give me more than He knows that I can handle.

So, I've sat back and let Him take the reins. He knows that I need to be hurt and He'll give it to me when He believes I need it. It's so wonderful that I can trust Him so much. It frees me from the worry, stress, and fear about it all. I'm starting to think that I've made it to a deeper level of my submission, without much thought or trial. I think it finally happened when I quit worrying and questioning myself, and left it all to Master. I learned that all by myself...I'm so proud!

We are in a very good place right now.

Made to Last

2006-08-17T06:21:00.000-04:00

I'm happy that I've been able to sit and catch back up on my blog reading this evening while listening to some music that hasn't been heard in a long time. I fell behind this past weekend while we had some family in from out of town. It was a wonderful weekend spent eating, drinking (in my case, a bit too much one night), and enjoying family.

Things with Master and I have smoothed out so wonderfully. I can't believe the headspace that I find myself in now; I'm more comfortable, calm (for the most part), and feeling more feminine. When Master is home, I'm always checking to make sure that He doesn't need anything and constantly looking for things to do for Him before He asks.

I still have my moments though they've been less and less. My PMS has been down to a minimum and I'm thinking that I have my new birth control pill to thank for that. I know Master hasn't minded the lack of mood swings and meltdowns, as Kaya calls them.

The other thing that I've noticed is that I have this insatiable urge to be hurt. I don't mean nibble and twist: I mean yank my hair, slap my face, bruise me with teeth, beat me until I cry and beg You to stop, kind of hurt. Master doesn't beat me or even hurt me every time we have sex. Sometimes we make love but that's also gotten more passionate. He's been more responsive to my need for more and more pain and graciously gives it to me, all the while making sure that He doesn't go too far.

I think that's what has kept me in this space, this happy, smiling, eager-to-serve slave state. Of course when I'm in this state, I'm also more sexual, more open, more revealing in my dress at home. I'm just trying to figure out how I can feel more soft and delicate and at the same time, want to smacked around, used, and hurt.

My dark side has started to enter my mind more and more these days as well. I suppose that it's coming out in my need to be hurt so bad. I started having thoughts of more involved, heavier scenes. My want to go deeper into submission is also growing and that scares me somewhat. I'm afraid of what Master would ask me to do should we delve deeper. I want nothing to do with other people or to be locked up and left alone so I'm not sure how we'd proceed into the deeper aspects of my submission. During these times it's easy to see that I'm still a novice. I don't completely understand how to delve deeper. I do know that I can trust Master and that He'll never make me do anything I truly couldn't handle.

Well, I am also going to try and post more often. Our stats have dropped and that's okay but I'd like to start getting some readers back again. We've been spending more time together and more time dealing with life's little issues that always come up at the worst moments. I'm hoping that Master will be able to start posting HNT pictures again soon. I don't have the pictures stored on my laptop or else I'd post them myself. It just depends on whether He has time or not.

A special thanks to Padme for always finding time to leave us a comment. Master and I appreciate them greatly. Hopefully more people will find their way back to us.

Changing tides

2006-08-09T20:03:00.000-04:00

A great deal has happened in the last couple weeks. Most importantly, I took some much needed time off from work and re-connected with my llama. We made a couple of day trips to the beach & the mountains, and spent some time alone at home. We worked on some projects around the house, and renewed our playing.

llama's attitude, outlook and demeanor has changed a great deal in the preceding weeks, not only because of the time spent together, but also because of a great deal more communication between us. There were some lengthy discussions about what she wanted, along with some heated arguments and some raw emotions. In the end, it has worked out well. She has realized who and what she is once more, and has re-asserted herself in being the sub and slave she wishes to be and that I require of her.

After her beating a couple weeks ago, her focus has come back full force. She needed it, admitted she wanted it, and desired that I not hold back. When I was finished, she was whimpering and hurt. The physical pain quickly passed, but the mental pain was real and present for days. It took a great deal of talk to get her past it and again make her realize her focus. Once that happened, the pieces began to fit back together nicely.

I had a meeting to attend the other night, and I would be home after 10. Before I left the house, I gave her instructions. When I came home, all my instructions were carried out to the letter with precision and detail. I walked through the door to find her kneeling in the hallway wearing a white cut off tanktop, black g-string, thigh high stockings, heels and her collar. Her head was bowed in submission and she was holding a cocktail for me. We sat in the living room as I sipped my drink and smelled the aroma of scented candles placed throughout the house.

When my drink was gone, she asked if I was ready for my massage. I nodded and led her to the bedroom where she had everything prepared. The candles were lit throwing shadows around the room, with just enough light to see by. She undressed me and asked me to lie on the bed face down. She climbed into the bed with me and began to rub the warming lotion into my shoulders. She massaged my shoulders and back, then down to my buttocks. Each time she got to a new spot, she added more of the warming massage lotion and worked it deep into my skin. She reached down between my legs and stroked my balls and the head of my cock every so lightly, just enough to begin getting me hard. She used her oil slicked fingers to tease anus. She then continued to work down my legs and to my feet. As she rubbed my feet, she lifted up my leg and I felt her tongue on my toes. I had never asked her to suck on my toes before, and had never really considered the action. The sensation was strange and erotic at the same time. My cock was fully hard as she took each toe into her warm, wet mouth and alternated by sucking and licking on them. She then did the same thing on the other foot, about making me crazy.

When she was finished, she asked me to roll over, and she dutifully rubbed my chest and pelvis with the lotion, careful not to touch my erect cock. She worked around my groin and down the front of my legs. She leaned down and without touching my cock with her hands, sucked my cock into her mouth. Her tongue was magic, and she had me ready to explode in no time. Instead of allowing that to happen, I stopped her and told her to lie down.

I began smacking her ass, slowly and lightly at first, then I picked up the pace and the intensity. Soon, she was moaning and grinding her hips into the bed. I then tied her down and I switched to the paddle, then the flogger and then the cat-o-nines. With each change of implement, I increased the tempo and the force and she became more aroused. I then inserted her butt plug, and continued to smack her ass. I didn't think she could stand too much more, she was extremely over-stimulated. However, I had one more surprise in store for her. I pulled the 12" knife out and began to run the blade down her back, around her hips and over her well-beaten ass. She was squirming and moaning in pleasure.

I untied her, flipped her over keeping the butt plug in her ass,and slid my cock all the way in one thrust. She let out a scream and began to shake; her first orgasm. When it passed, I started pumping her hard and deep, bringing her to multiple orgasms without letting up to give her a break. After about the 5th one, I again picked the knife up and traced the blade around her breasts and belly, and up to her neck. She let out a guttural moan and then screamed in pleasure once more as the next wave of orgasms hit her. This time, it sent me over the edge as well, and I unloaded deep inside her. We fell together on the bed and held each other until we both dozed of to sleep.

We've had a few other sessions since that one, but we can't write about everything now can we? I will tell you about what happened yesterday though. llama had been asking for some additional submission. She asked if she may kneel in front of me as we talked. I agreed, and soon that simple conversation and her kneeling had me aroused. I got up, leaving her kneeling there and walked into the bedroom. I called to her, and told her to come into the bedroom. I had her kneel in front of me again, then I pulled my shorts down and ordered her to suck me. She took me into her mouth and expertly sucked my cock and made my knees go weak. I then had her stand, pulled her clothes off her, threw her to the floor and took her. It was animal, savage. She was clawing and scratching at me, and it only lasted a few minutes, but it was hot as hell. We came together and then fell apart. I got up, cleaned up, and went to work. I got a few interesting text messages from llama shortly afterward.

"Desire and hunger is the fire I breathe."

2006-07-31T23:35:00.000-04:00

Because The Night 10,000 Maniacs

We've once again, been bad bloggers. But there is a rather good reason behind all of this: Master has had some time off and we've been spending those days off, together. We've been going out with friends, doing things around the house, and just enjoying being with each other.

There has been some play lately too. One night found me face down on the bed, getting spanked with a few of Master's favorite implements before He fucked my ass long and deep. I love having my ass fucked and it had been so long since He'd taken it. I was so ready when He started pushing against me that I pushed my hips back and the head of His cock just slid into me. I'm getting flushed just thinking about it! He nibbled and bit my back and shoulders, leaving a few light bruises for us to admire.

Last night, we had settled in to watch a movie and somehow got onto the subject of knots. Master knows how to tie many different knots and secure my happy slave self down to the bed. We had been in a home improvement store earlier in the week and purchased some thick, black rope that I fell in love with as soon as I had seen it. Well, Master decided to tie a noose. It looked so pretty when He was done and I was so turned on by it.

We both took showers to freshen up after a long, warm day and for me to try and relax. It had been one of those days where nothing went right for me so I was rather frustrated by evening. After Master had finished His shower, He laid on our bed and told me that I was only allowed to lick His cock from the bottom of His shaft down. So, I licked Him around His shaft and balls, down to His ass. This couldn't go without me doing something wrong; While I was licking around His balls, I obviously struck a nerve and Master tensed up and yelled out. His face showed His pain as He rubbed, trying to get the pain to stop.

I couldn't win.

Master eventually let me start licking Him, then sucking Him again. We switched positions and He went down on me which I absolutely love!! I tell Him that He has the most talented tongue in the world. However, I couldn't relax enough to fully enjoy it. Usually it takes Him less than a minute to make me cum with the tongue of His but my mind wasn't with my body. I felt bad when He stopped, knowing that He was disappointed.

He stood up and slid the noose around my neck, taking my collar off at the same time. He climbed up my body and slid into me with ease, slowly fucking me. It was a different feeling having such a tightness around my neck the entire time He fucked me. He felt so good being in me but my mind refused to let go of everything. I was on the edge of cumming and sliding into subspace and my mind wouldn't let go.

I was so angry with myself afterwards. Master thought that He'd cum too soon, which He didn't. It was all me and my mind. My body responded and I desperately wanted to respond with it but wouldn't. I felt so guilty as we laid down to sleep that all I wanted to do was cry in His arms and confess.

I haven't been the best slave lately at all. Master tries to give me what I need and all I do in return is get an attitude with Him. We end up yelling at each other and wasting the little time He has free, angry. I'm questioning myself now. It's not Master, it's me. I want so much to get back to that place where I'm open, feminine, soft, obedient, just myself. It just seems like everytime I get back to that place, something happens. Usually I've done something wrong, Master explodes at me, and I close myself back up tighter than before.

I know Master loves owning me and that before we met, it was having a slave that He missed in His life. It was a void that I filled. I refuse to take that away, especially when I know it's what I need in my life as well. We've also never been without M/s in our relationship. I don't want to be without it. I need it, I crave it, I desire it. I've never been so happy in all of my life.

I just don't know why I'm questioning myself. I really don't understand. I need to get off of here and get some work done. I just hope I can find the want to do the work.

We're Still Here

2006-07-25T06:32:00.000-04:00

I had written a post about what happened when Master did eventually beat me. It didn't get published which is probably a good thing because it got really rough and very ugly.

A few nights later Master decided that I was going to get the rest of my beating; it was time to tear down the walls that I had built up. And beat me He did. The pain was incredible and I just sobbed and screamed into the bed. I was tied down for this beating so I couldn't squirm away like I did with the first.

When He finished beating me, He tried to make love to me and ended up using me because I was so far gone. I couldn't look Him in the eyes because I felt so disgusting. I just laid there while He fucked me, thinking every second that I didn't deserve any of it. Ugly doesn't quite describe it.

Afterwards, I laid on the bed and sobbed for a long time. Master went out, got a drink, and watched television. Some time passed before I got up and joined Him in the living room. I can't tell you what happened after that really. We ended up going to bed at the same time where He took me savagely.

Biting, pulling, slapping, rough sex. I felt a lot better after that and finally my mind was cleared.

Since then, things have quieted down again. I was on my period soon after and had a medical procedure and can't have sex for about another week. Master has been working quite a bit so play and sex have taken a back seat.

That's it for now, Master just wanted me to update.

Steps Forward

2006-07-10T16:32:00.000-04:00

Master and I discussed my last blog post. I told Him that I still wanted to be submissive to Him. I always want to belong to Him. I just feel like I'm asking for too much from Master as busy as He is to begin with. He assured me that I wasn't asking for too much or taking up too much time. But my wanting to make life easier for Him as His slave, I felt that if I was released, it'd be one less thing to have to worry about, one less thing to have to make time for.

Last night, something interesting happened. Master got home from work very late. He had told me earlier in the evening that I had a paddling coming. I thought, "Oh thank God, I need the release, I need to let go of everything."

Well, that's not what happened. Oh, I got a spanking/paddling but the desired result wasn't achieved. As He paddled or spanked me, I became more and more angry; almost to the point of wanting to explode at Him. I became very aware that over the past month or so that I have built up a wall around me again. I did it out of necessity, to protect myself from being disappointed, protect myself from Master being angry at me for something.

And I had no idea this had happened.

When Master and I first started our relationship, He had quite a few tough walls to break through before He got to my core being. After the paddling, He fucked me but I was too angry to really get into it. He got up to clean up and get some water, I got up and got into some sweats. We laid down but I was so far from being tired that sleep was foreign. The rage within me just boiled up. Master had fallen asleep which is probably a good thing because it would've been ugly had He asked me what was wrong.

All I could think about was making Him feel like I have; unwanted, not good enough, angry, depressed, hurt, and confused. But what good would come of that? I eventually got up out of bed and watched some television in the living room. I needed to calm way down before sleep became an option. After about 20 minutes, I got myself back under control and went back to bed.

I sighed and wondered what was wrong with me as I laid there drifting off to sleep. I love Master but I've gotten back to protecting and taking care of myself again. It's almost like we'll have to go back to the beginning again and start all over. I doubt that it'll take very long before we'll be able to work back to being Master and slave, back to the way things were.

And a note of thanks to Taylor and Padme. Thank you for your comments because I honestly thought I was alone on my feelings. I appreciated them more than you know...thank you!

Life gets in the way - again

2006-07-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

Yes, we've hit a bit of a rough patch. Mainly, it all stems from the lack of time I have to spend at home these days, and the time I have to devote to llama, especially playing. I need to find the time to reconnect. Somehow, someway, I will make the time, if she's still interested in it. I have been working a lot lately, and that's not likely to change anytime soon.

Taylor - thanks for the wonderful comments. I certainly agree with your assumptions. I absolutely feel she is worthy of everything, including all the love I have for her. She has not failed me, and she works everyday to get better.

Padme - thanks to you as well. Your suggestion is a good one, and I would like to try something along those lines.

When llama wrote that, she was hurt, confused, angry, and very emotional. All to be expected and completely understandable. She was afraid to write it, and afraid to post it. In fact, she told me she had written it, and thought of deleting it. I told her not to, that I wanted to read it, then I posted it for her.

She was worried that I would get angry with her for the way she was thinking. I assured her, I was not angry at her. If anything, I was angry at myself for allowing things to go this far without addressing it.

The long hours, coupled with lack of sleep has made me irritable and grouchy - something I don't like being, and certainly don't like bringing home and taking out on her for no good reason; like snapping at her before the concert in front of friends. That's not usually how I act, and not the way I normally treat her.

One thing she said has stuck with me. It really made me stop and think and re-evaluate the way things are progressing. She said in her last post, "I also don't know that I feel like being a slave anymore." I have asked her about this when we talked. She is not sure of her feelings right now. I have told her I need to know if she no longer wishes to be my slave - as it will obviously affect our relationship and our lives.

I guess all I can do right now is wait for her to sort through her feelings and decide if she still wishes to be owned, or if she wishes to be released.

Confusion

2006-07-06T18:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I have returned from my trip. It was relaxing overall but I wish that Master would've been able to have come with me. I had a good time but there was a bit of loneliness with me all weekend. I honestly thought about not going because we haven't had a lot of alone time lately and I'm getting desperate and greedy for any moment.

One night last week before I left, I was feeling so low. Master has been working at least ninety hours a week and when He was home, there was always things that needed to be done around the house or things done on His computer. I didn't feel like He desired me anymore; we talked about it before I left and we made love. It was so beautiful and so tender that I almost cried afterwards.

Before my trip had come up, Master bought tickets to a concert. Some friends of ours had tickets as well. A couple of friends from out of town were coming to our house to ride with us. They were going to be at the house at any moment. I hurried up and was getting out of the shower when they arrived. Master snapped at me a few times in front of two of His friends. I felt like a child. He snapped at me when I didn't want to decide where to stop for a quick bite to eat even though He knew long ago that I don't like making decisions. He made a comment to His buddies that women never listen.

That hurt, a lot. It pushed me out of whatever subspace there was left. I stayed fairly quiet for the rest of the night, just sticking to joking with friends in between songs and acts. There have been times when I don't know what to say to Master, that nothing I say is right. There have been times when He's asked me what was wrong, and after telling Him, He's gotten angry and we've argued. So, I kept it inside.

That in and of itself makes me feel guilty but writing this out makes me feel worse. Master doesn't work all the hours for fun and it seems like my feeling this way is all wrong. I'm so confused and I'm hurting inside but I don't know what to do about it. I'm scared that when Master reads this, He'll blow a gasket. I also don't know that I feel like being a slave anymore. I don't want to get back into space only to fall out of it again and keep falling like I have.

I'm sobbing as I write this. No matter what perspective I look at the situation in, it hurts and I feel extremely guilty. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I've lost count of the nights I've cried myself to sleep, Master being home some of them. I feel like I've failed miserably and that nothing I do is right.

I'm also questioning my submission. I know Master loves me and wants to own me but I don't know that I'm good enough for Him. A good slave wouldn't feel like this and would be able to accept it and move on. I, however, am hopelessly stuck.

I love my Master, more than I love myself. I want to be submissive to Him always and couldn't live without Him but is there time in our busy lives anymore to live a full blown M/s lifestyle? The dynamics are changing and I don't know how to handle it all.

Master-

I love you more than life itself but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm confused, hurting, and guilt-ridden for feeling the way I do. You have no idea how thankful I am for all that you've done for me, more than my own family ever did. I love that you work so hard to provide me with everything I have. I just don't know how to handle this and I've been too afraid to ask for help. You have enough to deal with without me adding to it all. Please help me find my balance, find our balance again...

llama

Peace & Quiet?

2006-07-02T21:50:00.000-04:00

It seems weird. llama left yesterday for the weekend for a family get-together over the holiday weekend. I was unable to go, because of my work schedule and obligations. It seems very weird to come home to an empty house, and knowing that she won't be home until Tuesday.

Don't worry - I've found plenty of little projects around the house to keep myself busy while she is gone.

Ciao!

Technical Difficulties

2006-06-30T11:52:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems that Blogger has once again messed something up. No, we didn't delete our sidebar. I didn't even notice that most of it was missing until Padme mentioned it in her comment. Master isn't sure what happened but hopefully this will either fix itself or He'll sit down later on in the evening and figure out what happened and why.

For those who didn't see, there is a HNT post below! Enjoy!

P.S. It seems that the problem has since corrected itself!

HNT

2006-06-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

It's that time again, HNT. For this edition of HNT, I thought we'd do some artistic pictures. This one is some B&W photography I did of llama.

This one is me playing with some blacklighting. Amazing what you can do with those things!

Hope you enjoy! Ciao!

Daily happenings

2006-06-23T22:03:00.000-04:00

Things continue to go well here. I wish I could say that there has been a lot of kinky play going on lately, but that is not the case. Not for lack of desire, mind you. I have been working a lot of overtime at work and llama has been busy on several projects of her own. Not to mention that it's 'that time of the month' for her right now.

Despite that, we have managed to find some time to spend alone here and there. The vanilla sex has been good, but infrequent. One of the many things I need to rectify in the immediate future. I have been considering some career changes that would allow me more time at home with llama, and have the ability to some more traveling.

In absence of play, llama has been working diligently on her submissive duties and attitude, with great success. She has done very well in the past few months working on her insecurities and short temper. We've only had one instance where she overstepped her bounds and was quickly put back in her place, and that only took a verbal warning. Beyond that - she has been absolutely wonderful in her attitude and demeanor. I am very proud of her and the progress she's made.

Hopefully, the near future will allow me more time to write more regularly..... here's hoping! Until then -

Ciao!

HNT

2006-06-14T22:42:00.000-04:00

The trip was great, thanks for all the well-wishes. It was actually a trip to visit family, so no real kink this past weekend. Despite that, we had a great time. I know I have been slack-assing lately on my HNT posts, so here are some recent shots from our saran wrap sessions - ENJOY!

CIAO!

A Break

2006-06-08T15:30:00.000-04:00

What has been going on with Blogger? We tried to post our HNT picture earlier but couldn't even sign in and I just now attempted to do this post and got a page that said, "That blog you were looking for couldn't be found." Um, wasn't looking for one, just trying to publish in my own, thanks. And there won't be a HNT photo seeing that Master is now at work and unable to do such a thing.

*sighs* The more advanced technology gets, the more problems we seem to have with it.

That being said, Master and I won't be doing any posting until at least Tuesday afternoon. We are heading out of town for a much needed break for the everyday rush and most likely will not have Internet access. Of course, I'm hoping there won't be a lot of time for such because He'll be beating His good little slave...*smiles*

I hope everyone has a wonderful and kinky weekend!!

Ciao!

Tighter

2006-06-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

Well, we've just passed 11,000 visitors yesterday morning and I couldn't be more excited! Our stats show that upwards of 50 people a day are reading, even when we aren't posting on a regular basis. Our page views are double that. We just want to thank everyone who visits and we hope that you start commenting more often. I love hearing what people think of our kinky adventures!

As Master posted, He wrapped me up in Saran wrap. It was a different feeling made better by that fact that I tolerated it rather well. Master, being that wonderful man that He is, knows I don't like being left alone when confined and never left the room.

But, for the past week, there'd been no play to speak of because I was on my period and Master was busy working. Thankfully He had a break in work and was home for a couple of days to relax. I came to the end of my week and was ready to be taken and used hard. I wanted to be fucked so bad but wanted to be wrapped up again even worse.

I asked Master yesterday morning if He'd wrap me up again and do it tighter this time. He just smiled and said, "We'll see." The day went like most others, filled with errands to run and things to do around our home. By mid-afternoon, we'd reached a lull in the activity; Master looked at me with that smirk He gets when He's feeling frisky and devious, and said, "Go into the bedroom, get out the toy box, and take everything in the bag out, organize it, and place everything back into the box. I don't want the bag anymore." I just smiled and went about the chore without question or hesitation.

It took me about an hour to get everything out and spread all over the bed, organized, and put back into the box. As Master knows, I love organizing things and will spend hours doing just that, so this chore He demanded of me, took very little effort. While I was working and watching a show on television, He came in to check on me and my progress.

"Does getting all of the toys out excite you llama?" He asked. I shook my head no, saying that I was focused on getting things organized and put away neatly. He solved that problem relatively simply by pulling out His half hard cock and shoving it into my mouth. He held my head making it impossible to move and let His cock get harder. I worked my tongue as much as possible, feeling the head begin to touch the back of my throat. We've been working on getting rid of my gag reflex and have succeeded for the most part.

As He got harder, He pushed my head further down gently saying, "Take it all llama, take it all." I was so wet and moaned around His shaft. After about a minute, He slid out of my mouth and smiled. "You've gotten a lot better llama, I'm very pleased. Good girl." I get so excited when He speaks to me like that, that voice that just makes me melt for Him. I love it when He is domly and yet still gentle.

The evening passed quickly. After I had gotten things cleaned up after dinner, He gave me my instructions. I was to go to the store and buy a roll of Saran warp and KY. After I got home, I was to get a shower and prepare myself the way He likes; then I was to put on my black, lace boy shorts, the matching bra, heels, and my collar.

I took off up to the supermarket, half expecting to get an odd look from the cashier for buying Saran wrap and KY. Of course, normal people think of them as two, separate items; when I hear Saran wrap and KY used in the same sentence, I get wet. *smiles* My mind is always set on "kink."

I returned home and got into the shower. I washed and shaved, making my body smooth and smelling nice, knowing that it pleases Him. I hurried up and got dried off and dressed. I never like to keep Master waiting. After securing my collar around my neck, I went out and found Master relaxing. We sat for a minute before heading back into the bedroom.

I waited for Him as He did a few things around the room. He shoved my double bullet vibrator in my panties, one resting on my clit and the other resting on my ass hole. He then came around to stand in front of me and pointed to the floor. I knelt down and was greeted with Master's hard cock. I sucked at Him eagerly, taking His shaft all the way in the mouth. I rolled His balls around in my hands and then with my tongue. He didn't let me do this for long because He had more plans. I pulled His cock out and removed the double bullet from my panties.

He grabbed the Saran wrap and began wrapping me at my shoulders, much tighter than last time. I had a hard time standing in my heels and almost tipped over a few times although I knew Master wouldn't let that happen. As He worked His way down my body, I started to get a little nervous but didn't let it get to me. I had nothing to worry about.

Tighter and tighter He wrapped, working down to my ankles and back up again. Once He reached my back again, He ripped the wrap and rubbed my body. Laying down was interesting; Master had to lower me back onto the bed and pull me up far enough. After a few pictures were snapped, He laid down on me and began sucking my ears while grinding His hips into mine. I was getting wet between my legs quick and began to grind back as much as I could. Master growled all sorts of naughty things into my ears while He rubbed my wrapped body. I was slipping into space nicely.

Master rose off of me and offered me pre-cum from His cock. I sucked it off of His finger and enjoyed the taste of Him on my lips. He went to the toy box and returned with a fabric gag and my favorite blindfold and placed them on me. I love being blindfolded. These additions sent me into space completely. The next sensation I felt was a new one; Master was sucking on my toes!! What a sensation! It tickled and felt amazing at the same time...of course Master has a talented tongue that I love!

The next thing I remember was being flipped over onto my stomach and spanked with the paddle (?) and Master's hand. At one point He stepped out of the room and left me on my stomach. Unfortunately during His short absence, my left thumb and index finger began to tingle, then hurt. Somehow I managed to roll myself over and get my hands moved towards my stomach where there was more room. My fingers began to regain feeling when Master came back in the room. I could hear the surprise in His voice when He entered and tried to figure out exactly how I rolled myself over.

He made sure that I was okay before continuing on. I reassured Him that I was alright and could feel my fingers just fine. He got back on top of me and grinded into me again before rolling me over to my stomach once more. At this point the details become fuzzy because I was gone deep into sub-space. If my memory serves me correct, it was at this point that He spanked and bit my ass. His teeth tore a small tear in the wrap which He took advantage of; He began to rip the plastic off around my ass and smacking the bare skin.

I just moaned and groaned at the sting and warmth that began to spread throughout my body. He began to push His cock against my ass and pussy, rubbing the head in the wetness. Soon He found my pussy and pushed in, spreading me wide open. I pushed my ass against Him as much as I could, wanting Him in me deep. He pushed and was soon fucking my pussy hard. I can remember Him slowing down and whispering filthy things into my ears. The last time He stopped, I pushed back against Him, causing Him to pull out and cum in my panties.

"You made me cum llama, you slut," He growled into my ears. I could almost hear the smile.

I felt Him climb off of me and heard the sounds of water running at the sink. Then I heard a sound I wasn't expecting: The sound of a condom being opened. He climbed back on me and pushed the head of His cock against my asshole. I groaned and pushed back against Him. The last time He tried to take my ass, my body just wasn't going along but this time, He slid in slowly and in deep. I moaned "yes" over and over again. I remember begging Him to fuck my ass, which He did...*smiles*

Now remember, I was still wrapped everywhere else. I couldn't move anything but my head and hips. Master began picking me up and moving me on His cock. At one point, He had rolled over and had me on top of Him, forcing His cock all the way into my ass. It felt incredible! He rolled me back over, with His cock still buried in my ass and began fucking me hard. I lost track of time but at one point, everything became too much. Master noticed and asked as soon as I figured it out and stopped fucking me. He cut me out of the plastic and helped get all of it off my skin.

He took the blindfold off and gag out. He finished off the night by fucking my pussy. I have no idea how many times I came around His cock. He called me His slut and whore. He controlled my breath and orgasms. When He was ready to cum, He pulled out and came all over my face. He looked down and smiled at me before getting a wash cloth for my face. The cool towel felt so good against my hot face. He laid next to me and we just smiled at each other and talked about the events.

Master is so good to me and sometimes better than I think I deserve. Nights like that night, remind me that I do belong to Him and that He'll take care of me. They remind me that I'm not a burden to Him, that if He didn't want me here, I wouldn't be here. They remind me that I'm loved and cherished above all others. It makes the harder days, a little easier.

Thank you and I love you more than life itself. Yours forever...

All wrapped up

2006-06-03T18:35:00.000-04:00

One night last week, llama was feeling rather frisky, as she tends to get every so often. I couldn't write about it because of our internet woes. She had been getting bratty, playfully talking back and making smart remarks in passing. As the day wore on, I finally decided that I would give her what she was asking for.

After dinner, I instructed her to shower and shave her body, then present herself to me in nothing but her collar. Once she was ready and kneeled before me, I told her to wait and I would let her know when I was ready for her.

I left her there and went to the bedroom to prepare for her session. I got out our box of toys, got the bed set the way I wanted it, and retrieved a few additional props I had been giving some thought to. Some time ago, I had seen and heard about the erotica of saran wrap play. Recently, llama was introduced to it by the writings and images on Padme's blog. She had asked me weeks ago if we could try it, and I said sure, one day when time allowed, we would try it. I downplayed it. I wanted it to be a surprise for her when I decided to do it, not to mention that she has had problems in the past with extreme confinement.

This night however, I was going to introduce her to it and see if she could handle it. I thought we would start slowly. Give her a taste for a few minutes, then release her and do other things. I called her into the bedroom and her eyes lit up when she saw the roll of saran wrap. A big grin on her face, she knew what was in store for her. I instructed her to stand at the end of the bed, arms at her side and remain still. I began wrapping her, starting at her shoulders. I worked all the way down to her ankles and then back up again, making sure it was nice and tight.

Once I was satisfied she was securely wrapped, I layed her down on the bed. She admitted it felt weird, but she told me that she was already wet and excited about what was coming. I spent the next several minutes having some fun of my own with her. I used a sharpie marker to write some indecent things on various parts of llama, then rolled her over and did the same on the back. I then rolled her back over so she was face up. I gave her a breathing hole, and wrapped her head. She said she was fine and thoroughly enjoying it.

I didn't leave her head wrapped long, instead I blindfolded her and teased her with one of her dildos in her mouth, then her ball gag. I also had her leash on her collar and used it to pull her in the direction I wished her to try and roll.

I left her wrapped for a total of about 30 minutes, then cut her loose. I restrained her to the bed and had my way with her, making her orgasm several times. Before I came, I had removed her gag and she had one last request. "Master' she moaned "Please cum on my face!" How can I refuse a request like that? I positioned myself at her face and let loose, covering her lovely face with a thick coating. After we sufficiently recovered, I got up to get a washcloth to clean her up.

Later on that evening, she told me that she had wished I had left her wrapped longer, and that just the confinement alone had sent her into space. She came down quicker than she would have liked, far before she wanted to. Next time, I will have to leave her wrapped longer and add a few extras to the mix. Next time will most likely be later tonight. I think it will be a combination of wrapping and the use of the Liberator afterwards.

***In a side note, I tried to upload some images from our saran wrap session, but blogger is acting up and would not allow them to load. I will try again later.***

Back online

2006-06-03T14:43:00.000-04:00

After a week of lies, broken promises, incompitence, untrained customer service reps, and service techs with bad attitudes - we finally got our internet back up. Our wonderful cable company had in fact got the service restored a couple times during this past week, but each time they got it back up something else in the system would break and the whole system in our area would go down. I got so tired of calling the cable company, I finally gave up and just waited out the inevitable repair - no longer how long it took.

That being said, it looks (with luck) that we are finally back up for good and can continue to chronicle our exploites.

ISP issues

2006-05-26T06:25:00.000-04:00

Sorry gang, no HNT post from yesterday. Our internet service at the house is down, and we couldn't get online to make a post. The weenies at the cable company tell me it could be as long as Tuesday (thanks to the holiday weekend) before they can get a tech out to fix it. We'll make a post soon as possible!!!

Ciao!

Huh?

2006-05-20T21:16:00.000-04:00

There's a difference between being bratty to get a rough session, and being a pain in the ass and forgetting ones place. This is what happened tonight. llama stepped way out of bounds, and I had no choice but to yank a knot in her ass. Only problem was, my parents were over for dinner when it happened.

No, my parents are not aware of our lifestyle choice. Despite her outburst and my correction of her behavior, they still are not aware of it. Allow me to expound.....

llama talked to me at work yesterday and told me that her power cord for her laptop had melted after she started using her new fan pad I had bought for her computer to keep it cool. She thought it was because of the fan pad was causing heat to direct out the back of the computer and it over-heated her power cord. I disagreed. I tried to explain to her that she can't keep her laptop plugged in 24/7. I have talked to her about it several times in the past. I told her that it was most likely the reason for the 'melt-down'. Tonight, she argued with me, saying she doesn't leave her power cord plugged in all the time. I said she did, and that it was plugged in right now, and she hadn't used her computer since this morning. She said it wasn't plugged in. I reached down behind the recliner and pulled the plug up - it was plugged into the power strip. I told her she was wrong, it was plugged in, had been plugged in all day, and that was what I was talking about.

She got mad and started talking back. I cut her off. I told her she was wrong, and in the process raised my voice to emphasize my point, also commenting on how much it would cost me to replace it for her. She got flustered and stomped out of the room and back into the kitchen to finish making the side dishes for dinner, I was grilling chicken outside.

After a few minutes, I went into the kitchen to talk to her. She was visibly upset and had tears in her eyes. I genuinely felt bad for having lost my temper with her and having yelled at her in front of my parents. I was trying to apologize to her for it. She was still pissed off, gave me attitude and 'that look'. I said forget it, and walked out and sat in the living room with my parents.

My mom said something to me after a few minutes about her not talking to me, and not answering her when she asked if help was needed in the kitchen. I told my mom she was mad at me, and she said I should apologize. I explained that I had tried and that she was being stubborn. Finally, after a little bit, she was over it and talking to me again about the time dinner was ready.

Later on, after dinner was done and my parents had left, we sat down to talk about it. I explained to her why I had gotten mad, that she was out of line, had forgotten her place, and that I was disappointed in her. She was still defiant, and trying to continue the argument. I stopped it short. I reminded her of the facts. Of who and what she is, who and what I am, and what I expect of her despite where we are and who is there.

She admitted she was wrong for how she acted, and agreed that she was out of line. Despite that, she is still clinging to a small sliver of defiance and has chosen to go into the bedroom to watch TV instead of sitting with me in the living room. This too shall be dealt with in due course.

HNT

2006-05-18T19:29:00.000-04:00

So, it's HNT once more, and once more I am late in getting a pic posted. It's been really hard for me to keep up. First, a pic - then some thoughts from me......

Now, I have a few thoughts. 1st of all, I want to thank all of you for your support. Over this past weekend, we passed 10,000 visitors. Thank you, thank you, thank you! It's hard to believe, that in less than a year, we've had over 10,000 people interested in what we are writing about! We started the blog last February, but didn't add the counter until the beginning of August. Pretty cool. We're actually quite flattered. Despite the fact that recently work demands have kept me from writing as much as I used to, many of you have stuck with us. So, again I say thanks and ask you to bear with me a while longer. Hopefully, I will get back to some regularity in my writing.

Despite the increase in my time working lately, llama and I have found some time for some intense fun. We've had a few very good sessions lately, and she has been doing very well with everything she has been instructed to do. She has gotten back to her old self, as far as her pain tolerance and pain desires are concerned. She's back to begging for more and more each time.

One more subject I wanted to address is a post llama made a couple weeks ago. She mentioned that we have talked about a threesome with another woman involved. When she and I first got together, being with a woman was something that she expressed a serious interest in. As we became more serious and commited to each other, she has told me that she does not feel as comfortable with the thought of bringing another woman into bed with us. I understand her reservations. I wish to take a moment to rebut a few comments that were made after she made that post.

I will NEVER harm llama. Physically, I inflict pain on her for the purpose of pleasure during a session. I would never harm her physically outside of that, and certainly not emotionally. This issue is one we will continue to talk about, but in the end, if she is that uncomfortable with the idea, and her desires have changed - I NEVER would make her do something she did not want to do. Despite that she is my sub, I her Master, and that she has vowed to do as told, I will never make her do things she does not want to do.

I wanted to threesome more for her then me. I would very much love to see her with another woman. I would be content to simply watch, and not actually participate. But, as I said, if she does not want to have that fantasy fulfilled any longer - I will respect her wishes and not force her into it.

Insatiable

2006-05-16T11:01:00.000-04:00

Oh goodness, my sexual appetite has been just that lately. I cannot get enough of Master, His cock, His touch, His lips. It's terrible!!!! We've had more sex in the past week than I can count. For more than a couple of the days, we've had sex at least twice. I'm exhausted but I'm left wanting more!!!

Master has also taken to marking me quite effectively. *smiles and blushes* My back poses a challenge in that it isn't bruising as well as it used to. More often than not, I'm left with beautiful teeth impressions and nail marks down my back.

The past week has found me in our car, shirt up, breasts exposed, pants and thong down around my ankles, masturbating as Master drove down the road. Can we say HOT!?!?!? I was dripping wet by time we pulled in the driveway and got into the bedroom. He fucked and marked me furiously.

Last night, we were laying in bed and I begin being a bratty. I definitely had my own motives in this...lol. I got on top of Master and began fucking Him. I love this position because it allows for Him to play with my tits. He started out by pinching and nibbling them. I moaned and rode Him all the harder.

Soon, the pushing, pulling, biting, and slapping began. It all got to be a bit much but as I would stop fucking Him, He'd take over. It hurt and felt good at the same time; my body and mind were so confused that I couldn't get the right word out, the word that would make everything stop. Part of me didn't want to say it because as bad as it hurt, the tiniest part of me was having trouble getting the words out of my mouth.

Every time that I'd get the wits about me to say my "safeword" that will bring all activities to a complete stop, He would bite or slap my tits or ass so hard that instead of a word, a gasp would come out. It was sensory overload; too much happening at once, too much pain in too many different places.

It was interesting that even though I wanted to make everything stop, I was okay afterwards. I didn't break down, I didn't withdraw or pull away from Master. Have I moved into another realm of my submission? Has it really gotten that much deeper since the last wayward scene that I can just move on?

I'm at a loss but calm. Surprised and loved. Master is off at work today and I have found some free time to get this done and out. I really need to get back to my work and get a couple things done before lunch.

And I cannot wait for Master to get home later tonight...lmao. Although I think that it'll probably be a good idea to take a night off. My pussy, tits, and back will be grateful...*smiles*

HNT

2006-05-11T16:06:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Half-nekkid Thursday once more. Recently, llama has been somewhat bratty. She's been trying to 'push my buttons' in an attempt to get a good spanking and some hard BDSM time from me. It worked. I gave her what she had been begging for the other night......

Evidence of old bruises still healing.....

A well spanked ass for the pain slut she is......

Enjoy. Ciao!

All I See is You

2006-05-02T22:50:00.000-04:00

Things are finally starting to clam back down around here, at least for me. Of course, I have work sitting next to me on the couch right now but it can wait just a little longer. I have something on my mind.

The other morning, Master informed me that I was going to have a foot and leg massage. After working on my feet all day long, this was going to feel amazing. It was to be done by a mutual friend of ours and would take about an hour. I was excited! I was lucky enough to have gotten a full body massage a few years ago so I knew I'd leave feeling delicious.

I arrived, and after a few formalities, was shown the room. The woman let me get ready and off came the pants and shoes. I laid back on the table and settled in. If you've never been on one, they are quite comfortable. She came in and got started on my feet.

As she rubbed and stretched, she ask about the pressure level and if I was feeling enough. It occurred to me rather quickly that I felt a bit out of place; I am so accustomed to serving Master and doing things for other people that I hardly ever treat myself. I'm not use to someone asking me how things feel and if it's good enough.

I also kept thinking about how Master would've benefited much more from this massage than I was. I paid attention to the massage strokes and tried to remember as much as possible so that I could use them on Master. Finally I told myself to shut up and enjoy the massage! Master wanted this for me and not to waste it thinking of other things.

The massage felt fantastic and I left feeling much more relaxed. With everything going on, the relaxation didn't last long. The day was moving along and quickly leaving me behind. There were a lot of things on my mind.

One main thing was that I couldn't help but wonder if I'm more submissive than I realize. Of course there are some days when I wonder if I'm submissive at all. I read a variety of other blogs and almost all are blogs that submissive women keep. I read the things that they do and what their Masters do to them.

Sometimes what I read makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I've expressed to Master that I could never be treated as merely an object with no feelings and only around to be used. I'm a human being in need of love, affection, and validation. I'm not putting those down who wish to be objects, to each their own. It's something that breaks my heart at the very thought.

There are things that Master wants to do that are hard limits with me. I'm sitting here tearing up at the thought. Do my hard limits make me less submissive because I don't want something Master does? Doesn't every one have their limits? Will I ever be able to give Him everything He expects? There are many dimensions to some of my limits. Some of the things I use to want, I no longer want, no longer desire.

Master wishes to bring in another woman into our bed. At the beginning of our relationship, I was indeed curious as to what it was like to be with another woman. I expressed this. However, we are now in a very committed relationship. Dynamics have changed. I am no longer curious but Master says He wants to do it for me because I wanted it. Master satisfies me completely; I haven't the want of another person anymore.

We've gone back and forth over this issue. Every time I end up in tears and we have usually argued about it. I cry because He refuses to let it go, refuses to accept the fact that it's something that no longer interests me. And I know, I'm submissive but in my mind, if He wants to bring someone else in that badly, than I'm not giving Him everything He wants. I cry because a relationship to me, is two people and no one else. Bringing another in our bed is wrong. Any way you put it to me, it's cheating in my mind.

And frankly, it scares me. He asked what would happen if He brought another woman home. Every time He says that, it hurts down to my very core. I cringe and want to duck away like I've been punched in the gut. That means He'd been in contact with her and shared intimate things about us. That He's had to have met her beforehand, at least once. That hurts.

*I must say now that this has not happened. These are merely the thoughts that have passed through my brain on more than one occasion.*

How can I be submissive if I'm staunchly against this? I can't make it work in my mind. But I can't seem to think of myself and will put everyone else above my wants and needs. Master is the center of my universe and I live my days trying to please Him and make myself a better person. How do I bring this to a happy medium?

I can't accurately describe that pain this causes within me. I love Master more than I love myself. He has given me the world. He has made me into a person that I can actually love. I can look at myself in the mirror most days. He makes me laugh and has taught me how to live a normal life and have normal relationships with the people around me. But what happens when I can't give Him what He expects?

Well this post kind of went in a direction I didn't expect it to. I wanted it to be about whether I was submissive and how much so. I didn't plan on it getting so deep into one issue. But, that's what spilled out when I began. I cried my way through it. I guess it's there because the matter weighs heavily on my mind some nights. It makes me question everything that I've become in the past year and a half.

It's difficult and I still struggle with some of the choices I can no longer make. I want Master to take more control and yet I don't. Am I the only one stuck in an endless state of unbalance?

Happy HNT

2006-04-27T15:02:00.000-04:00

A red behind from a recent paddling

Flesh and Bones

2006-04-21T07:11:00.000-04:00

Friday night was fun! Master was so good to me...He always is.

And therein lies the problem. He's always good to me and there are times when I am just so down, depressed. And there's no reason for it. I should be happy. Friday night was a perfect example. Instead of getting excited about a night Master had planned out for us, I got nervous and self-conscious. I felt like He was setting me up to fail.

How terrible is that? How horrid?

My self-esteem has never been good, not even close actually. When I see the disappointment in Master's eyes or when I can hear it in His voice, I crumble inside. I begin to beat myself up; truth be told, I'm my own worst enemy. Even though I know that as a submissive, my opinions only matter so much, that my direction comes from my Master, I can't seem to stop beating myself up after He commands me to. He's told me countless times, "It's my job to punish you, not yours."

God, I wish it was that easy! I really do because my life would be so much easier, simpler. But I've surrendered to Him completely; He has my heart, soul, trust, and entire life in His hands so I should be able to hear Him over my own voice. Except that when I begin to punish myself, I'm screaming and His voice gets lost in my own self-doubt.

Yes, I know. I'm complicated as hell. But I digress...

I've also found that I've become very dependent on Master for my moods. I feed off of His moods and His energy a lot. I'm very aware of this and have worked on my own to try and stop. There are times when He's tired and doesn't have the energy to do much of anything; instead of blaming myself for being too much of a burden, I'm trying to remember that everyone has rough days.

Trying to remember that I'm not perfect is hard to do when I've gone and messed up something that was idiot simple...AGAIN. Master and I are both human, made up of simple flesh and bone. We aren't kinky superheroes who live the perfect D/s life 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (although that'd be fun!).

In what seems to be common in the blogs the past few days, is the fact that our relationships are like the relationships of vanilla folks; we go through ups and downs, we fight, and we are sometimes withdrawal from life. Magdala has done a great post on this topic.

I'm trying not to let other people's moods affect me. Master is the only one I need worry about, not anyone else. He is my life, my world, my owner, and my keeper. Now, more so than the past few months, I know I need Him and want Him. I've told Him before that I would be utterly lost if I were to lose Him. I never want to go back to who I was before He took me as His slave. I'm realizing that I need to take better care of myself for Him as well as for my own well being.

I have no doubt that we'll go through a rough patch here and there but it's normal. The only thing I need to do is be the best that I can be physically and mentally, so that I can be the best slave possible for my Master.

Friday Night Fun

2006-04-16T22:47:00.000-04:00

Yes, it certainly was Friday night fun. I do believe llama was a bit nervous prior to my arrival home. Never knowing what my devious little mind has in store for her, she tends to allow her imagination run wild. This often results in a negative effect, causing her fear of the unknown rather than excitement of what is to come.

Nevertheless, she followed my instructions to the letter. I arrived home to find this;

With a sight like that before you, how can you not have a good time?

I sat in my recliner, as llama brought my drink to me. She then informed me that dinner could be ready in about 20 minutes if I was hungry and wanted her to finish it up. I told her that was fine, and she went off to the kitchen to finish the meal. Even simple foods and meals can taste really good when you're hungry.... and when it's served to you by a loving sub. We sat in the living room to eat. Not or usual setting for meals, but I felt like watching some TV while we ate, so we passed up on eating in the dining room.

After dinner, llama cleaned up the dishes and the kitchen after bringing me another drink. I sat and relaxed for a bit and enjoyed the end of another helacious week at work, reveling in the fact that I didn't have to do anything else at the moment. Once llama was done in the kitchen, she joined me again in the living room. After a few minutes, I went into the bedroom, leaving her sitting on the couch. I found everything exactly as I had instructed her. The room was clean, the Liberator was on the floor next to the wall, and the assortment of toys and implements were arranged on the dresser. I got the camera ready and summoned her in to the bedroom. I had her remove her shirt & skirt, leaving her in her bra, panties, and thigh highs.

I laid on the bed, and instructed her to rub my feet. She sat on the end of the bed and massaged my aching feet, then worked her way up my legs until she reached my crotch. She looked up at me, and with her eyes asked me if she may continue. I nodded and she started to rub my crotch, arousing my cock in my shorts. After a few minutes, she asked if she may remove them, and I again nodded to her. She slid the waist band down over my hips and removed them, exposing my now hard cock.

She leaned her head down to take my cock in her mouth, but I stopped her, telling her to only use her hands. She took my cock & balls in her hands and began to rub it, stroke it and massage my balls. After several minutes, I told her she may now use her mouth. She took my cock in her mouth, and hungrily sucked the entire length in her hot and wanting mouth. She continued to rub my balls as she did so, driving me wild. Her tongue found its way down to my balls and then trailed down over my ass. She licked and sucked hungrily, trying to satisfy her lustful needs.

I had her stop after a few minutes, getting up and retrieving the small wedge from the Liberator. I placed it on the bed and this time I used it for me instead of her. I elevated my hips and had her continue. She worked on me for what seemed like an eternity. I finally decided that was enough and I had her switch places with me, her lying on the Liberator with her ass elevated, on her stomach. After playing with her for a minute, I took her..... hard.

I didn't warn her, didn't tease her. I made her gasp as I stuck my entire cock into her soaking wet pussy. She was so excited that it only took a minute before she began to beg me permission to cum. I made her wait. She squirmed, she bucked she whimpered and then begged again.... "Please Master" she panted, "May I cum???" I finally gave her permission, and she screamed. Her entire body bucked, but I didn't let up. The more she screamed, the harder I pounded into her.

I lost count of the number of orgasms that llama had, but it was several. Finally, I felt the twinge in my balls. I reached under her, grabbed her tits through her bra, and squeezed them hard. I tweaked her nipples, rolled them around, and kneaded her tits - hard. As she was cumming again, I reached around her throat with one hand, squeezing hard. The other hand found a fistful of hair that pulled her head back hard. She gasped and squealed, she begged me to pull harder and hurt her.

I continued to squeeze her throat, but let go of her hair. Instead, I ran my nails down her back - hard.

About the time she came again, I reached my limit and blew my load deep inside her. I collapsed on top of her. We laid there for several minutes without moving. Soon enough, I regained my strength and got up to clean up. I had some work to attend to that I had brought home with me that couldn't wait any longer. I went to take care of it, leaving llama to slumber in space.

What happened afterward will be a story for tomorrow.......

Instructions

2006-04-14T14:53:00.000-04:00

I have finally managed to clear my schedule for a weekend, The fact that it is a holiday weekend didn’t hurt. I anticipate being home at a decent time tonight, as in before sunset. With this in mind, I have plans for llama tonight. Llama, I know that you will read this before the day is out, so I will give you your instructions. For all of our readers, you can let your imaginations run wild as to what llama has in store tonight.

Here are your instructions for tonight llama;

1)You will have the house straightened up prior to my arrival home this evening.
2)You will be showered and shaved appropriately.
3)You will be dressed in the following manner;

-thigh highs
-black lace bra and thong
-the ‘school girl outfit’
-high heels
-hair in 2 pigtails
-makeup done
4)You will have all the toys laid out on the dresser.
5)You will have the Liberator set up in the bedroom, with the restraint covers on.
6)When you hear me pull in the driveway, you will prepare me a drink. You will be waiting in the front hallway with it and serve it to me off a silver tray, with a towel draped over your arm.
7)You will have the batteries from the digital camera charged and ready.
8)Dinner can be simple tonight, even take-out or delivery.

I expect all these tasks completed by the time I get home. We won’t talk about the penalties for not complying with your instructions, since I know you will not let me down. I will see you when I get home. I love you, llama.

Master

Recent happenings

2006-04-11T20:44:00.000-04:00

llama has been very out of sorts as of late. This was largely due to the lack of my firm hand in her daily routine for the last few weeks. For some reason, I have gotten very busy with several different aspects of work. I will not bore anyone with details of what I do, or how I do it. However, I will say that lately I have been doing a lot more after normal hours, and a lot as an independent contractor.

With all this additional work, I have been home a lot less than usual. Several times, this has required me to be away for a few days at a time and some single overnight trips. With any amount of luck, things will settle down by the end of the month.

Needless to say, all this absence on my part has made for a great deal of complacency on the part of llama. She has slipped some in her attitude, duties and respect. This is not entirely her fault. As I said, my absence has greatly contributed to it.

Last night, I was home and decided it was time to reverse this process and get her back in the right frame of mind. After the daily grind had been done, and evening was upon us, I summoned her to the bedroom. I was already sitting on the end of the bed. I told her to drop her shorts & panties and go over my knee. I started her spanking. It was slow and light at first, then building. I was wearing her favorite - the black leather gloves. This was not so much as punishment as it was putting her back in her proper place and frame of mind.

This lasted about 10 minutes. By the time I was done, her bottom was nice and red, the tears were streaming down her face, and she was thanking me for giving her what she so desperately needed.

Once she composed herself, I instructed her to strip the rest of the way, as I did the same. She was ordered to pleasure me with her mouth, which she did. Soon afterward, I took her. It was hard, rough and fast. It was animalistic, raw, primal. I used her. I used her to satisfy my needs and gratify my desires. I grabbed, pulled, twisted, bit, slapped, pinched and scratched her. The more I did, the harder I was, the rougher I got - the more she begged for. She was lustful, wanton. She begged me not to stop.

As she reached her 4th orgasm, I too was about ready to explode. She begged me to deny her breath. The last orgasm she had struggled through with my hand around her throat. This one, she begged for it - she asked me to cover her mouth and not let her breath.

As she climaxed - my hand covered her mouth and part of her nose. She was getting very little air at all, and she came harder and harder as she gasped for breath. Her face was bright red. As she began to come down from her orgasm, and the color started to drain from her face, I removed my hand from her mouth. She gasped for a deep breath and shuddered. She looked me right in the eye and thanked me for taking her, using her, and reminding her what she was, who she was, and who owned her very right to breath. She then curled up in the crook of my shoulder as I laid next to her and she fell asleep with a smile of contentment and satisfaction on her face.

Shock

2006-04-04T07:30:00.000-04:00

I don't have much time before I need to be out the door for work but I wanted to comment on what I'm sure is going to be talked about for days to come.

Patty's blog was, for the most part, fictional.

I'm not sure of what to think or how to think for that matter. Her stories had so many small details and I have to give her the credit of being an amazing writer. She's an amazing artist as well.

So, I'm in a state of shock and wonder. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to think about it too much right now. If you'll excuse me, traffic and my coffee are calling.

Getting Back

2006-04-02T11:55:00.000-04:00

Once again, we've let HNT slip past us. I didn't realize we'd forgotten until last night! How terrible of us. Work has been hectic, more so for Master than for I. For about the next month, I'll probably be doing most of the posting because Master is going to be very busy with work. I'm going to do my best to keep up and try to write as well as He does.

Master and I were finally home, together, with nothing to do last night. As I tried to get ready for bed, Master began teasing me. He's been under the weather a bit so there hasn't been any play or sex for that matter for a few days. He didn't let it go by without teasing me though...lol. Taking out my contacts while Master played with my ass was interesting to say the very least.

Of course, I fought back. How couldn't I? *smiles* I ended up being pushed down on the bed and held down, with Master nibbling and biting my neck, sending chills throughout my body. I love it when He does that...

I was moaning and squirming beneath Him as He moved to the other side of my neck and down to my breasts. He took His time sucking and biting my nipples. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter as he moved up, straddled my chest, and placed His cock against my lips. I eagerly began to suck and lick Him, frustrated because I could get that much of Him into my mouth and couldn't get to His balls. I wanted Him in me so badly.

I sucked Him for just a short time before He climbed off and we began to fuck. I love when He first enters me...and this time it took only a few thrusts to draw out my first orgasm. I came hard, with His hand around my neck, squeezing just enough. Another hand holding my hands above my head.

I lost count of how many times I came. He just brings it out of me so easily...I heard Him begin to groan just before Him came. He thrusted and came so hard it almost hurt me. *smiles* We got cleaned up, straightened out the bed, and fell asleep next to each other, just lightly touching in the warm night.

Like I said above, it's going to be one busy month for us both. I'll keep up posting the best I can. Master will definitely make one post a week and that's HNT. All of the pictures are on His computer...*smiles*

More to come....

2006-03-27T17:34:00.000-05:00

We have been spending some time together as of late. We've had some great nights together, both some mild play time and as well as some much more tender time as well. Stay tuned for for updates! In the meantime, consider this as a work in progress, under construction if you will.......

Ciao!

HNT

2006-03-23T20:52:00.000-05:00

As llama said, we're both feeling better and back in action. We've actually had some play time as of late, but more about that later - tomorrow perhaps. In the mean time, I wanted to share a photo with you all for HNT.

Some of you may not know that sometime ago, Searabbit contacted me and asked permission to work on one of my photos. The photo, had been posted some time back. It took several months of hard work on her behalf, but finally, she sent me the end result. Here is what she did for us;

Searabbit - Thanks for the great picture! We love it. It came out wonderfully. Thank you very much for all the hard work you put into it. And the result is the latest HNT post from us, courtesy of Searabbit.

Better...finally!

2006-03-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

I got sicker after the last post. After a strong antibiotic and some good cough medicine, I've finally gotten better. It's been a month, it's about time. Thankfully my boss has been really forgiving but how couldn't he be? He saw how sick I was the days that I actually made it in to work but I'm now back.

We were both very busy yesterday and I completely forgotten about HNT. I feel terrible. We've been bad bloggers as of late. Now that we're both back to being healthy (I'm quite sure of it this time), posting will definitely be back up to near normal.

I'd do a longer post about some stuff I have on my mind but right now, I simply do not have the time. This time, I'm confident in saying that we're back!

Over Optimistic

2006-03-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

It would appear that my last post was a bit premature. We were both feeling better, and I thought we were over the worst of it. Alas, I was sadly mistaken. We both wound up having a relapse, and unfortunately llama got hit with the brunt of it.

When I get sick, as with this last time, I just dose up on over the counter stuff and suffer through it. I ignore feeling bad and just go on with my days until I'm better.

The downside to this is that llama is not able to compensate as I do. It wound up completely taking her out of commission for the better part of this last week. Finally, after my insistence, she went to see the doctor only to find out that this was more than a simple chest cold gone bad, and she needed some strong medicine to clear it up. I am happy to report that she is much better today, after a few days of treatment.

I too am feeling much better. While not 100% yet, we both should be back in the saddle completely very soon. It's been so bad, I am about a week behind on my blog reading & commenting, not to mention writing. Rest assured, you have not missed anything here other than a lot of used tissues. There has been no play of any kind in over a week. So, pleases forgive our absence, but we'll hopefully be back in action in a couple more days.

It's HNT ... & we're back!

2006-03-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

Seems odd ..... not having written anything in several days. But, alas, gentle readers! We're back! Yes, we're back, and we feel better! No more coughs, sniffles, sneezes, hacks, gags, aches, pains, fevers, cramps, twinges, or any other tpe maladies! Yeah.... us. We're back.

So, in honor of our renewed health & immune systems, some HNT postings for your viewing pleasure. Also, we will be sure to enlighten one & all soon with our escapades that I anticipate taking place later this evening. *wink*

llama, I know you're reading this - so be sure to be rested & ready when I return from work. You're in for a workout.

Evidence of bruises inflicted during a play session.

Our last time playing
(please excuse the photo editing, but identities have been changed to protect the guilty!)

Sick

2006-02-26T20:43:00.000-05:00

I had hoped to get some play time in this week, and over this weekend. That didn't happen. By the time I got to feeling better, llama got worse. Whatever she had that wasn't so bad, she gave it to me, and then she got it back from me and even worse. This is also why the posts have been somewhat scattered as of late.

Needless to say, there has been no play, no sex, and not much of anything else. It's been a daily battle just to go to work and keep the house running.

I feel pretty good now, but llama is still fighting a bad cough and head cold. Maybe in a few days she'll feel better.

Double your pleasure for HNT!

2006-02-23T16:39:00.000-05:00

As promised, to make up for my absence last week .......

And here is one of llama during a recent session.....

The Liberator

2006-02-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

Oh, my! What a wonderful invention! And the simplicity of it! Had I been a little more creative and not quite so geometrically challenged, I might have tried to make our own. But, we bought one. So far, the worst thing I can say about this product is the delay in getting it.

Originally bought to be a Valentines present, the woman in the customer service department offered me little help when I called a week and a half after I had ordered it and had still not gotten it. She told me that they were backordered because of Valentine's Day, and if I wished to cancel the order and re-order after Valentine's Day, that I might get quicker service. Not sure how that would have worked faster. Seems to me canceling and re-ordering would have moved me to the bottom of the list ..... maybe it's just me.

Anyway, it finally arrived the day after Valentine's Day. We did use it that night for the first time. It was quite interesting, actually. The different positions both of us could get into, and the different combinations you can put the wedge and ramp into. We had quite a good time our first time out with it. By the time we were done, llama had more orgasms than I could count, and she wound up with her feet and ass in the air on the ramp with the wedge under her head, and me hanging half-off the bed. I never knew we could be so acrobatic!

So far, that is the only time we had to use it. We never even had a chance to try out the restraint kit we bought with it. I have been busy at work all through the weekend, and then fighting a head cold. Hopefully, if I can shake this cold, maybe we'll get to play with it again this week. I actually have some free time coming up.

Either way - here's the preliminary review. Two thumbs way the hell up for it, 4 stars, 9 on a scale of 10...... you name it! We're very pleased with it, well worth the money, and we anticipate many hours of fun with it. Folks, if you can afford to buy one, we HIGHLY recommend it!

Slight Delay

2006-02-16T21:08:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks but there's going to a delay in our HNT post. Master is very busy with work and unable to post a picture from there. I don't have any of the pictures but Master wanted me to let you know that we plan on doubling up next week.

Hee hee hee!

And yes, the new toy is wonderful!! Very comfortable, supportive, and they allowed for new positions; meaning new angles and different ways to tilt my pelvis. Oh yes, this may be the best purchase we ever make...lol.

We'll be back to posting HNT next week and you'll get double the fun...

New Toys

2006-02-15T19:37:00.000-05:00

Our Liberator finally came! May be time for some mid-week play! We'll be sure to let you all know how it works out.

The road to my goals...

2006-02-13T20:24:00.000-05:00

Is a hard one to say the least. But more about that later on...Master and I played last night. Or better, Master played with me last night. That sounds better.

The evening got away from us Friday and we ended up not playing. Master made me the promise that we'd play Sunday night and I know that when He makes a promise, He'll keep to it. Unlike so many other people in my life, Master keeps His promises. *smiles*

So after I got dinner cleaned up and put away, He sent me to finish a couple things around the house and to prepare myself. I was a bit nervous but I always am before we play. It's not fear at all but more like, anticipation, excitement, butterflies in my tummy. I finished up as quickly as possible and came out to Him with my collar and bathrobe on. He smiled at me and went off into the bedroom, leaving me to wonder. I could hear rustling, the toy bag being brought down out of the closet, and my cuffs. He came out and tossed them next to me on the couch. I looked up at Him and smiled.

I got His devilish look back. Hee hee hee! I was so ready to be completely His and have Him be focused on me solely.

"Into the bedroom and lie down on your back."

I got up silently and walked to the room with Him following behind me. The first thing He did was bring me the blindfold. It takes away my vision but makes my hearing so much more acute. I could hear Him in the bag and walking around, soon returning to my side. I smiled and giggled.
He began sliding something under my back and that something turned out to be a nylon work belt; He pulled it tightly, squeezing, restricting me. It was new feeling and I think I liked it...lol. Okay, there's no think about it, I loved the feeling.

Master then walked away and returned with the chopsticks and began to place them on my nipples. When they first went on, they really didn't hurt so I figured it wouldn't be too bad coming off. I was so wrong. Master then tied a piece of rope to my ankle cuff, looped it around my neck and tied my other ankle to it, leaving me with both legs up in the air. This is how He left me with and began to work on me. The first few strikes of the crop hurt. I'm not sure why because I don't think He was swinging hard. I'd never been tied up this way and worked over but maybe my skin was pulled tighter than usual? I don't know...

Anyway, Master worked me with the crop, one of His leather belts, He hands...with the leather gloves on. It felt good but I wasn't going into space; I was stopping myself. There was a lot on my mind and I couldn't seem to let go. He had me flip onto my stomach which hurt because of those chopsticks. Eventually the pain eased off and I could put my chest down almost flat against the bed. Master kept working me but I was still hanging on and began to feel horrible, guilty about it.

At one point, He stepped back and snapped a few pictures (and had been doing so throughout the play). After I heard Him shut the camera off, I asked if I could get up and use the bathroom. Between the belt and being on my stomach, I had to go, which made me feel bad.

"Roll over."

I did so and He began to take the chopsticks off. I smiled and asked if He could leave them on.

"Honey, they're turning blue so it's time to take them off, we'll use them another time." It was a this point that He opened the first chopstick and I held my breath. I know the worst pain comes when all the blood rushes back. It wasn't too bad and actually felt good. The second one wasn't nearly as nice. It hurt like hell and that's being nice. Tears came to my eyes and I began to take deep breaths. Master came over and held my hand as I began to get up. He made sure I was okay and sent me along to the bathroom.

I did my thing (which isn't easy when you're turned on) and came out to find Master, minus shorts, stretched out on the bed. I crawled up between His legs and kneeled, looking down. He asked me what was wrong.

"I didn't get into space and I wanted to. It's almost like we wasted play time."

"Did you enjoy it?" I nodded yes. I did like it, it felt good. "Then it wasn't a waste of time. You aren't going to go into space everytime. Tonight you seemed like you were holding back."

I nodded and looked up into His eyes. He motioned for me to come up and we kissed. He had taken the leather gloves off so I went and grabbed them before we continued. He told me to put them on to see what they felt like. I did so and began to stroke His cock and massage His balls.

"It's different, but I prefer the feeling of your hands." I smiled, slid the gloves off, handed them up to Him with a kiss. With that, I slid down and began doing all of the things He loves. I sucked His cock, licked it up and down. I sucked on His balls, massaging them with my tongue and hands. As I worked His cock, balls, and asshole with my tongue and hands, He snapped pictures. I made sure to try and pause as He snapped because blurry pictures are just no fun! And I had time stopping and starting.

Then He stopped me and turned over. "Rub me down." Arggghh! I was ready to jump on His cock, but He wanted a massage. So, I took my time and rubbed His shoulders and neck, down His back, massaged His ass and inner thighs. He enjoyed me rubbing His inner thighs. Worked on down to His feet and took my time there, making sure to get them good. He basically has flat feet and His job keeps Him walking around a lot of the day; so I make an effort to spend extra time there. While massaging Him, I noticed that His cock had some pre-cum on it and we can't let that go to waste! I took my finger and took the first drop, licking it off. Another appeared so I got it with my tongue.

Master rewarded me with a nice, deep moan. When I finished His back, He rolled over. I greeted Him with a deep kiss. "You aren't finished, lick your way down."

I slowly licked, kissed, and sucked my way down His body, back down to His cock. I sucked Him hard again. I love feeling His cock get hard in my mouth, throbbing and pulsing. What's better than that, knowing that He's getting hard because of you?

"Stop." I sat up and back. "Sit on my cock."

What followed was so erotic. I sat on His cock, working Him into me. Soon we were fucking hard and fast, his gloved hands around my collar, neck. I could see the passion and desperation in His eyes and I'm sure He saw that in mine as well as the fact I was sliding into space.

"Hurt me please Master." He slapped me hard across the left cheek, then the right, eliciting a moan from my throat. He slapped my tits and ass. He took over and began fucking me hard, covering my mouth tightly with one hand, and squeezing my hip with the other. It was too much and I squealed my way through an orgasm. He pushed me back and before I knew it, was climbing on top on me, my ankle on His shoulders. Then He clipped the ankle cuffs to the wrist cuffs on each side, so I could not move my legs down, or reach up and grab him. He fucked me hard and deep, moaning, and comming to His own orgasm. I could feel His cock throb and spasm until He pulled out.

He pulled me close and kissed me. I was soaring in my own world as He climbed out of bed to clean off. The feelings of guilt returned as I came down from space, like they had just waited there quietly, rubbing their hands together, killing the endorphines and dopamine rushing through me.

I have a lot of trouble with my self-esteem and ego. The smallest, most meaningless things, have a way of ripping away an esteem that I had built back up. Most of the time, I feel like I'm not good enough or that I need to do things better, and these things are self-imposed. Master thinks I'm doing a wonderful job and that I'm coming along nicely as His slave, but there are days when I feel like nothing.

And it's poisoning Master and I both, individually and as a couple. I can see it, I can see the disappointment in Master's eyes when I feel so bad about myself because He's tried to help me, tried to get me to realize that there's nothing wrong with the way I am. Unfortunately, when He took me as His slave, He got years of emotional and mental abuse along with it. I try so hard not to make Him pay for something He didn't do, something He did nothing to cause.

And when I think about that, the guilty feelings come back. Nasty little cycle, huh? I've gotten past the feelings of burdening Him and I see that I'm here because He wants me here, takes care of me because He wants to, not because He has to. I'm capable of taking care of myself but I'm much more happy, secure, and more calm because He owns me. I love that Master wants to own me, protect and take care of me. I want Him to take my life and control it, I want to belong to Him and live for Him.

But my self-esteem issues stop me. I think that part of me is trying to show Him that I'm not worth keeping around. I'm testing Him to see if I can push Him hard enough to make Him give up on me like everyone else has. But so far, I push and He shoves back, puts me back into my place, giving me comfort and security until my demons start up again. I'm scared to death that one day, I'll push Him hard enough and He will give up. I don't think He ever would but just the mere thought of it is almost bringing me to tears.

And in all of this, I can't figure out why I'm doing it. I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm worthless when I know in my heart that I'm not. When Master can look at me in complete adoration, when I can look Him in the eyes and see the love He has for me, see that He finds me attractive and sexy, I can't help but believe Him. When He takes me in His arms, calms me, and kisses me, I still almost melt like the first time we embraced and kissed.

I need to get past these insecurities and I need to do it sooner and not later. I'm poisoning us and that's wrong. When the demons play, I'm not completely dedicated to Master. My heart, my energy, my spirit, my love, my time, cannot possible be going to Master as it should when I'm not feeling good about myself.

And what a terrible thing that is. It goes against everything I want, need, and desire. It goes against my collar and my role in life. So, wish me luck as I begin traveling down this road that is sure to be rough at times. But it's the road towards a goal that will be for Master and for myself; a road towards a happier llama, a happier Master, and a happier life together.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost "The Road Not Taken"

I'll never regret having taken the road less traveled...

Weekend

2006-02-10T20:23:00.000-05:00

I want to take a moment to thank everyone for all the great comments and all the visits to our Blog lately. We appreciate it more than you know. The fact that everyone finds our escapades so entertaining means a lot to us.

Having said that, there isn't much else going on. We've both been pretty busy this week, coupled with llama dealing with 'that time of the month', there has not been any play.

We also have still not gotten delivery of our Liberator. I have gotten annoyed, and called them earlier today to check the status of the order. The lady I spoke to was very polite, but I didn't want to hear what she had to say. They are on backorder, and it will be at least another 5 days before they anticipate shipping. I'm not happy. The lady asked if I wanted to cancel the order and try re-ordering after Valentine's Day. I explained that I wanted it FOR Valentine's Day, and it was to be llamas present. She said there was nothing they could do, they were out of stock on all the covers for them. So, we have no choice but to wait.

llama has been playful this afternoon, despite her period. She told me she was starting to feel out of sorts, and asked me to correct her this evening. More than likely, she will get some 'hard' attention tonight. It won't be for punishment, but it will be pain.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. We plan on watching the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics... then we'll see what she gets afterward.

Ciao!

HNT

2006-02-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

Just a peak..... love that little bit of mystery. Enjoy!

Ciao!

Vanilla sex

2006-02-08T21:50:00.000-05:00

While the kinky sex is certainly a very, very important aspect of our relationship, it's by no means the defining characteristic. Despite the fact that several times when we start out just getting horny and having foreplay, it usually turns into something rougher.

Not Monday night. I had decided that we needed a little love and tenderness for a change of pace. It had been a few weeks since we had made love. Oh, sure, we have plenty of sex, usually a couple times a week, at a minimum. But, we hadn't made love in at least 2 to 3 weeks. That was too long.

llama actually had planned a little deviousness on her own, before I got home. I actually got home earlier than she had expected, and I caught her getting dressed, fresh out of the shower. She was already dressed, hair still wet. What tipped me off was her feet. She was wearing stockings under her pants. Normally, the thigh-highs are reserved for the kink and the bdsm sessions. When she realized I knew, she gave me a devilish grin.

I knew right then and there what I was going to do to her, but didn't let on. After we had dinner and relaxed a bit, we headed to the bedroom together. She was lying on the bed waiting for me, wearing nothing but her thigh-highs and a thong. I went into the closet, retrieved the bag of toys, and returned with a few specific items. I know she expected me to come back with restraints and implements of pain, but I didn't. I brought back some KY, her biggest dildo, and the new vibrating cock ring. She was leary, commenting that the dildo had always been a bit too large for her, and that it would require a lot of lube to fit. I told her that we'd see how wet I could make her.

I placed them on the end table and crawled into bed with her. We kissed and touched and our hands and lips and tongues wandered all over each others bodies. Soon, my tongue found its way down her belly, and I buried my face between her legs - and I stayed there. I stayed there, licking, and sucking, and nibbling on her shaved pussy for what seemed like an eternity. I brought her to no less that 5 orgasms with my tongue and fingers. Her skin was flushed, her breathing was heavy, and she was sweating. She was limp on the bed, unable to move. I still had plans for her.

I licked my way up her body and kissed her, nibbled her neck and ears, and played with her breasts. I reached over to the end table and retrieved the dildo. She was too far gone to care what I had. I turned around and started to play with her lips with the dildo, and started to slide it in her. She let out a moan as it entered her, and then she took my cock in her mouth and sucked. The more I stuffed the dildo in, the harder she sucked my cock. Before long, she had another 2 or 3 orgasms courtesy of the huge dildo.

She let my cock slide out of her mouth as she tried to catch her breath. I left the dildo in her pussy, got up from the bed and slid the vibrating cock ring on. I then climbed back on the bed and between her legs. Her pussy, ass and the sheets were soaked from her juices. My cock had a mind of its own, and found her asshole. She let out a loud moan, and I started to push against it. Soon, the tip of my cock was passing into her asshole and she looked up. "Master.... I think it's too much. I don't think I can take them both" I stopped, and removed the dildo, slowly. She said it felt better, but still it was too much at that angle. I got up, cleaned myself off and returned. With one easy motion, my cock was buried completely in her pussy. The vibrations were working on her ..... and me. She had 3 more orgasms, and I was about ready to explode. I couldn't hold off any longer.

I pulled her legs up higher, and let the tips on the ring hit her clit. It was too much, the vibrations racing through my balls and I tensed up, buried my cock all the way in, and exploded deep inside her. As soon as I tensed up, another orgasm hit her and she let out a loud scream. She shuddered beneath me as I came. When I was done, she begged me not to move. The tips were directly on her clit and the vibrations were perfect. She had another 2 orgasms as I held still, buried in her. Finally, she said I better pull out before she came again.

We held each other for a long time, hugging and kissing. Soon as I could stand, I got up long enough to clean up and then back into bed with her. We fell asleep, her head once again resting on my shoulder, and all right in our world.

Bugs worked out

2006-02-05T23:25:00.000-05:00

OK, after a rather boring Super Bowl, I do believe I have the bugs worked out on the new design. Everyone should be able to read the text easily now, between the alteration of the colors and the increase in the font size. I also got the Haloscan issue worked out, and it appears that I didn't lose any comments after all! Yeah, me!

Any complaints? No? Good ! LOL

Last week, I ordered a new item for llama and I. I can't quite bring myself to call it a toy..... as it's more furniture than implement. By now, you are probably scratching your heads. Well, allow me to ease your confusion. It's called The Liberator. So far, we know 2 couples that have one and SWEAR by them. We were first introduced to it last summer when some old friends of mine came to visit for a few days and told us about the great new item they had bought that had elevated their sex life. Then again recently, when at a small party at a friends house, we 'stumbled' across theirs. One of the other guests had been nosy and going through their bedroom & closet (of course, he was VERY inebriated) and came out to inform all of us of 'the great pilates stuff in the closet!'

Our interest was sufficiently piqued, and we went to find that they too had one. Despite the fact that they had several friends in the house, and their parents (weird moments!), they informed us how great it was and how much they enjoyed it, etc, etc.

So, I went online and checked it out again, and decided there was no sense holding off any longer. As I was looking at it, llama came in and saw it, she had forgotten about it, and asked if I was thinking about getting one. I told her I was, asked her what her color preference was and started ordering. She was disappointed to find the combo model we were looking at didn't come with the tie down points we had seen.

That problem was easily solved when I found the cover conversion kits that go on the different pieces and have the tie down points, and the restrains for an additional cost. She got even happier when I added that to the order. Sure, it cost more, but it was worth it.

I had fully expected it to have been here by now. I ordered it about a week ago, they ship FedEx, and they say if it's in stock that it ships next day. Maybe if we're lucky, it will get here tomorrow. I do hope it was in stock. Sheesh! Nothing worse than having to wait to play with a new toy!

New Layout

2006-02-05T00:13:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I am working on a new design layout. Over the next few days, you may notice a few tweaks of colors on text, and things of that nature. Until it's finished, please bear with me. Unfortunately, in the process of doing the first major update on the ovehaul, I managed to lose all the comments from Haloscan. Not sure if I will be able to retrieve them or not, but if I don't - sorry to all of you who have commented in the past! Please continue to make all the comments you'd like!

Some updates

2006-02-03T13:50:00.000-05:00

I have been remiss in my duties as of late. No, not the duties of Mastering my slave, llama. She is actually doing quite well, and we've had a few wonderful sessions lately.

No, this is from my fellow Bloggers, Doms & subs alike. I have an ever-growing list of Blogs that I read, as does llama. I have had a few requests lately from readers asking to be linked, as well as permission for them to link us. We are always happy to find out more people are reading about us, and wish to link us.

I've added a few new ones to the llist at the right, if you are not already reading them, you might want to check them out.

In no particular order;

Married Mans Fucktoy - A D/s couple from NYC, and their exploits. Great build-up over the last 2 weeks for a BDSM weekend about to happen. Wondeful!
Journey to the Darkside - Another D/s couple from Vancouver, Master Anakin & padme. The blog is themed in Star Wars (which I love - Jealous I didn't think of it first!). Great stories of their D/s life, vanilla life, and lots of pictures.
Burblings - How I missed Am's blog, I don't know! Sorry Am! She is the sub partner of Dave, whose blog is Randomness and I have had linked for a while.
TIGER and kitten - another D/s couple. She's had a solo blog for quite some time and finally they did one together. A great read!

If you don't see your blog on the list, don't fear! We probably have stopped by or read it, and I may have just overlooked putting it on the list! Please don't hold it against us!

I also added a list of blogs that link to us. If you have a blog that links to us, and don't see your blog listed, please drop me an e-mail so I can add you! Thanks again for stopping by, we love to have you.

Half Nekkid Thursday

2006-02-03T11:27:00.000-05:00

OK... so it's Friday and I'm a day late. But..... I was just too busy yesterday to get a picture posted. Better late than never, right??? Here's one from the archives and one of our longer sessions. So, Happy Half Nekkid Thursday / Friday!

Speechless

2006-01-31T17:54:00.000-05:00

For the past week, we've been very busy with work, in the office and at home. This led to having no time for each other, except for the passing kiss and tap on the butt for me, there wasn't anything going on. We had a bit of an argument, more so because of outside circumstances but things had smoothed themselves out rather quickly.

While Master was at work, I was working on things for the office and had signed on the messenger service we use, hoping to catch Him. I'm so lucky...He signed on a bit later. Master has the ability to tell that something is wrong, no matter how we're talking, or chatting in this case.

I always try to choose my words carefully, and made sure I did this time.

"Can I say something and have you take it at face value? It's nothing against you at all Master."

"k"

"The past week, we've both been busy and I've felt ignored. It let my demons run wild, especially today."

We talked about it and He calmed my demons, making it so much easier to sleep. Master was off the next day, allowing us to spend some time together. I was doing work (surprised?) and heard Him moving things around in the den. I went in, asking what He was looking for, and if I could help Him find it. He said He'd look by Himself. We chatted when He finally found what He was looking for: a lovely pair of black, leather gloves. I giggled and went back to working. At some point, He announced that He was heading out to run errands. He wasn't gone too long and came back with goodies for us...Oh, Yeah! He told me He'd "went shopping" and this peaked my curiosity. Eventually, He showed me what He'd gotten.

He bought me a butterfly vibrator, a vibrating cock ring, nipple clips, a riding crop (gasp!), and a couple other small things. Oh God, my mind starting racing! The terrible things He was going to do only excited me further. I asked what He had in mind.

"I'm keeping My plans to Myself for later. After supper, you'll shower, put on the school girl outfit, no panties, no bra, thigh highs, heels, collar. You'll start preparing now, go and put your small butt plug in."

"Yes Master," as I almost skipped into the bedroom.

For the rest of the afternoon, we teased each other, flirted, and bantered back and forth. I had my Master back, with no distractions. The day couldn't end soon enough. After supper, He cleaned up the kitchen and scooted me off to shower.

I quickly showered and prepared myself. I laid out my very short black skirt, my white collared button up shirt, thigh highs, and heels. I was excited I could hardly contain myself! I looked at myself in the mirror, sighed, and headed out to take my spot next to Master, on the floor.

He took out the butterfly and strapped it around me. After a few moments of positioning it just right, He began to tease me with it. I giggled and felt my face flush bright red. He played with the levels, watching my reactions to each. It felt good, a nice, even vibration. It warmed me up rather nicely... :)

He ordered me to the bedroom, made more interesting because the butterfly was still between my legs. He walked, I shuffled. He placed a new gag in my mouth but it wasn't quite the right shape. We had one but it's a bit too big and this new one is a little too small. *smiles* I like the straps on both so Master is going to see about making me a new ball, using the strap from the newer gag. I asked Him to put the bigger ball gag in my mouth; He asked if I'd be able to take it. I reassured Him that I'd be fine and that I wanted to be gagged. It went in with a little discomfort but that didn't last long. :)

He ordered me to lay down and looped on the nipple chain, which was a nice, gentle pinch, if those words can be used together. He put on those leather gloves...Oh, how lovely...and began running His hands up and down my body, squeezing my tits through my shirt, before deciding that the shirt needed to be opened. The feeling of His gloved hands on my skin was like electricity throughout my body.

He ordered me to roll over, which was a bit difficult with the butterfly between my legs, sending me closer and closer to the edge. With a little help from Master, I was on my stomach, already sliding into space. I no longer felt the discomfort of the gag, or anything else for that matter. He began spanking my ass. At first, I wasn't sure what He was using because the sensation was familiar, but new. Slowly, I realized He was spanking me with the gloves on. It felt amazing! There was very little sting and yet, I felt every single smack. It was more of a thwack and had a great effect on my ass and mind. He climbed up next to me and took my hand to His cock. He was rock hard and dripping pre-cum. I stroked and He spanked. I was gone before He got to the crop.

He worked me up and down with the crop as my moans got louder and louder from behind the gag. I was soaring through nothing but pleasure. I could feel the snap of the crop and the vibrator on my clit. This is where it gets fuzzy. I know what happened, just not in the order they occurred in. He got on top of my back and rubbed His cock between my thighs. I was so wet and needed Him in me so badly. He ordered the gag to come off and slid the blindfold on.

He ordered me back onto my backside and began to work my tits with the crop. At some point, He slid onto me and between my legs. I moved my hips around and into his groin, trying to get Him into me. He slid into me easily. I cried out and orgasmed almost immediately. He felt so good in me I almost couldn't take it. He fucked me hard, His hands wrapped in my hair, tugging.

"I'm not done with you yet slut," He growled into my ear and slid out of me. He crawled up my body and put His cock to my lips. I eagerly began sucking Him, licking all of my juices off His shaft. He didn't let me suck Him much longer before He got back to smacking me. This time, He was smacking my tits, belly, thighs and face.

I don't think if was much longer before He got back on top of me and slid into me again. I cried out at the amount of sure pleasure, and was rewarded with His gloved hands in my hair, around my neck.

"Will you cover my mouth Master?"

He did and I came. The feeling and smell of leather, the pressure He applied, the power He had over me were too much. I came again not long after, moaning and screaming into His hand. I lost track of the orgasms I was having. All I knew was that He continued to fuck me long after I would have been satisfied. I was so deep in space, that concentrating on what He was doing to me was very, very hard.

I had to ask Master to fill in the rest of what happened, so that the sequence of events remains proper. I remember what He did to me, just not when. Here is what He said;

After several more minutes of fucking you, I pulled out, went to the sink, put some KY on my cock, and easily slid the new cock ring on. It is shaped like a bull, with a bullet vibrator in the top of it - it's called The Matador. I returned to the bed and slid back between your legs, my cock sliding all the way in to the ring very easily, you were soaking wet. I turned on The Matador, the position wasn't quite right, and you winced a bit in pain. We adjusted hips and legs, still no good. Finally, I put your legs up over my shoulders, and the angle and position was just right. Your mouth fell open, your eyes rolled back in your head just before you closed them. I pumped in and out a few times and that's all it took to send you into another, screaming and bucking orgasm. This was all I needed to reach climax, and I shot my load deep into you. We fell together onto the bed, and I rolled to the side of you. You laid there for several minutes, eyes closed, with a dreamlike look on your face. I held you, rolled over and kissed you several times, and reminded you again how much I love you. I glanced at the clock, it had been 57 minutes since we started. I told you to rest a bit, we'd take a break, and then I would come back and give you the rest. You smiled and said "I get more???" I put my sweat pants on and headed for the kitchen to get some water, and told you yes, you got more.

After about an hour, I came back in, and you were still lying on the bed, half asleep. I put the gloves back on, and had you roll back over onto your stomach. I ran my hands over your body again, and then started giving you another spanking. Your ass cheeks were a bright pink again, and I could feel the warmth through the gloves. I got the riding crop again, and used it all over your back and legs and ass. I alternated with hitting you with the crop, smacking you with my gloved hand and playing with your pussy. Finally, when I thought you'd had enough teasing, I rolled you back over. My cock was only half hard by this time. You were still soaked, and I shoved my dick into you, working my hips to get enough pressure to slide the half hard cock inside. After it was in, I could feel it getting harder, throbbing, and before long, I was fully hard again and pumping in and out of you. This time, no vibrator, no cock ring, no toys - just us. I was thrusting hard into you, but slow and deep. I wanted to torture you. I had one hand full of your hair, the other I was using to balance myself. Soon, you were coming again, then again, then again. It almost seemed like the orgasms were continuous.

I made this one last, holding off my own orgasm until you had at least 5 of your own. Finally, it was too much for me to hold off any longer. I grabbed your legs, threw them over my shoulders once again, and thrust into you as hard and deep as I could. You let out a yelp and screamed "Yes, Master! Yes! Oh, God Yes master! Fuck me harder! Fuck me harder! Ahhhhhhh!!!" With that, I hit my climax, wrapped both hands around your throat with my gloved hands and came hard deep inside you. You bucked beneath me, trying to get more, your own orgasm taking control of your body. The pressure on your throat was just enough to have you gasping for air and make your face turn red. Once I finished dumping another load of cum into your pussy, I released your neck, and fell onto the bed next to you as you let out a gasp.

I got up long enough to pick up the myriad of toys and implements from around the room and store them away in the closet before climbing back into bed with you. You cuddled up next to me, naked say for your collar. I stoked your hair, told you again how much I love you. You nestled your head on my shoulder and said "Yes Master, I love you too. I feel so safe right now, so loved." I reminded you that you should feel safe and loved, because you were. I will always be there for you, I will always care for you, I will always protect you. With that, we both drifted off to sleep for the night, you cuddled up next to me, with your head on my shoulder. The last thing I heard before I slipped into sleep, was the sound of your slow, deep, satisfied breathing in my ear. I love you Llama.

HNT

2006-01-26T12:42:00.000-05:00

From the shower incident last weekend. Enjoy!

Sunday night

2006-01-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

Sunday night. The football games are over, dinner eaten, the dishes done, the house appropriately cleaned up and neat. It was getting late, but not too late yet. Llama had a gleam in her eye. Earlier, I had reddened her bottom in the kitchen with a spatula. She told me it was warm and wonderful, being spanked with that item through her jeans as she attempted to cook dinner.

She asked if there was anything else I wanted from the kitchen as she got ready to turn out the light and join me on the couch. We sat and relaxed, it had actually been a pretty busy day. We had gone out the night before to a get together of 'vanilla' friends, and we both had consumed too much alcohol. This made for a rather long day, despite the fact that we slept in very late.

She looked over to me and asked if we were going to do anything special, and did she need to go put anything particular on. I thought about it for a moment, and decided that for what I had in mind, she didn't need to primp or get any lingerie on. It wouldn't be on very long anyway.

Instead, I instructed her to go get out the bag of toys, and get her restraints ready. I joined her in the bedroom a few minutes later, and had her remove her top and bra. As she began to disrobe, I got the remainder of the restrains ready and placed the ropes around the bed. I had her put the ankle restraints on, over the cuffs of her jeans, then I started by handcuffing her behind her back. I then cinched a rope between the cuffs and the ankle restraints, with just enough play in them for her to hobble. Next came her breasts.

I looped rope around her breasts and snugged them together, then placed the nipple clamps, minus the weights, on her. She let out a deep moan and winced a bit. I adjusted the tightness, easing up a bit. I didn't want her in too much pain.... yet.

After I teased her and let my hands roam over her body for a while, I undid everything except for the nipple clamps. I took the handcuffs off and instructed her to put the wrist restraints on. Once done, I took the nipple clamps off and had her lie face down on the bed.

She got a thorough spanking, lasting quite a long time. When her bottom and thighs were sufficiently red and warm, I switched to the heavy, home-made flogger. I worked all over her back, ass and thighs. The red streaks now becoming very evident. Soon, I switched to the lighter, rubber flogger. However, I increased the tempo and force on her with this one to maximize the effect. Next came the heavy oak paddle with the long handle. She received 30 or so solid strokes with it to her ass before I went on to the cane. The cane is not one of her favorites. The pain it elicits is quite severe, and usually I reserve this for punishment. This night however, I wanted her deep into space before I was going to give her what I had in mind.

Once I felt she had gotten enough of the cane, I went to the smaller, short handle paddle that is much lighter. The sound of it cracking down on her ass filled the room, and her gasps were lovely. I worked it all over her back, shoulders, thighs, legs and feet. In between, I would alternate back and forth with the other implements to keep her guessing and alter the pain she was receiving.

She was close to being in space, but not quite there yet. Something was holding her back. I climbed on top of her, my cock pressing against her ass and sliding between he legs and teasing the lips of her pussy. I ground my hips into her, making my cock even harder than it had been. I kissed her neck and back, and nibbled and sucked on her ears. I playfully bit on her shoulders and neck. She was moaning and squirming beneath me.

I asked her if she was ready for the next step, and she nodded and muttered a weak "Yes, Master". I told her she didn't have to take it if she didn't want it. This was for pleasure, not punishment. She said she was ready, that she wanted it, but that she was not sure if she could take it. I told her we could stop any time she wanted. She said, "I know Master. But I want it, I want you to do it to me."

With that, I got up and reached to the bedside. I lit the candle that had been sitting on the nightstand beside the bed and told her to prepare herself. We had experimented with wax before, without success. It had always been too much for her, the sensations overloading her and ripping her our of space.

I waited for a moment for the candle to get good and warm, and start some wax melting, as well as to give her a chance to prepare herself for what was coming. I dripped a couple drops on her back, and she let out a yelp and tugged at the ropes, for now she was securely tied spread eagle on the bed. I waited for her to settle down, and dripped a few more drops on her, with the same reaction. Then again, and again, each time waiting for her to relax before the next dose. After the first few times, she settled down, and was taking them with moans of pleasure instead of yelps of pain. I increased the pace a bit, hitting her with the drops of wax with less time in between, as well as a few more drops each time. After several minutes, she asked me to slow down a bit, and give her body a chance to process the sensations, which I did. Before long, her back was nicely mottled with dark red wax, and as I continued to drip it on her, I told her that we could stop anytime she wanted. She nodded, and said she wanted to continue. After several more minutes, she finally gave in and admitted that she had had enough.

I blew the candle out and as I undid her ropes, told her how proud I was of her. She was gone, zooming securely in subspace. She tried to roll over onto her back, only to wince when she realized the wax on her back and the fabric of the blanket on the bed did not mix well. She still was in space, and I helped her to easily roll onto her back when she was ready. She was soaking wet between her legs, and I easily slid my stiff cock into her with one hard push. She moaned and wrapped her legs around my back. As I pumped in and out of her, her hips met my rhythm and gyrated with me. Soon, she was bucking against me, her orgasm hitting her with surprised speed. That was all I needed to send e over the edge as well. I had been so hard as I worked her over for the last hour I had though I would explode on the blanket long before I ever fucked her. It had only lasted about 5 minutes, from the time I entered her to the time we both had mind-blowing climaxes, arms and legs tightly wrapped around each other. Totally, spent, she fell into the bed, and I slumped down on top of her, resting on her heaving chest.

I kissed her, long and deep and hard, then planted kisses all over her cheeks and face. She was so beautiful. The sweat dripping from our bodies, her crimson colored cheeks and breasts..... oh, what a lovely image.

We lay there a long time, cuddled up together on the bed, me holding her and letting her drift in her own private pleasured existence of space. When she groggily began to come back to reality, the pain on her back returned, and she smiled. She rolled on to her stomach and tried to reach her back to begin removing the wax. She quickly found it was too hard to reach and hurt coming off. I told her to lie still, I would get it off. I reached for my knife, a very sharp blade. I easily scraped the now cold and hardened wax form her skin. She jolted a few times from the sensation, but otherwise took it with admirable poise.

Once done, she got up to clean herself up, while I cleaned the wax up from the bed, and packed away all the toys and restraints. Before long, we were both in bed together, curled up together to drift off to sleep..... until the next time.

Thought you were tired?

2006-01-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

I started out by writing about a little romp we had the other day, and then something happened. I never got back to it. Instead, the following is what transpired.

I had gotten home late from work. It had been a long, bad day. I was totally exhausted. All I wanted to do was eat dinner and have a few stiff drinks to let the days stress bleed off. Llama had dinner waiting for me, she held off eating until I got there. We sat down to eat together, talking about the days events. After we were done eating, she went to clean up the dishes and I sat down to relax. Shortly afterwards, she joined me in the living room in front of the tv.

It didn't take long, before I realized I was dozing off in front of the tv. I got up and decided to take a shower. After the day I had, I needed it to wash away the days grime, but I also hoped it would wake me up a bit. It was too early to turn in for the night.

I was right, it did help me wake up. I was in the shower a few minutes, enjoying the hot water and the steam. Llama pulled back the shower curtain, standing there naked, and asked if she could join me. How could I say no?

She stepped into the shower with me and let the water warm her luscious body. I switched places with her, so her back was to the shower head and told her to kneel. She took my limp cock in her mouth and slurped it in. She had me hard in seconds, and continued to suck my cock into her mouth hungrily. Before long, she was stroking my cock as well, and playing with my balls and sliding her finger down to my asshole. She teased my asshole with her finger and lapped at my nut sack with gusto.

I stood her up, switched places with her, and turned her around. I pressed my hard cock against her back, mashing it between us, then between her thighs. She needed no more encouragement than that. She leaned forward, spread her legs as far as the tight confines of the shower would allow, and reached between her legs to guide my cock into her dripping pussy. I entered her with one motion, she was soaking wet between her own horny juices and the water from the shower. I gave her no time to get used to it, I simply started plowing in and out of her hot pussy. She tried to keep her balance as I fucked her, and she bent over even more.

She was moaning and writhing in ecstasy, and begged for more, asked me to make it hurt. I began to slap her ass and outer thighs. I then reached up, and began scratching her back. At first, it was hard, but not too hard. Before long, I was scratching the length of her back with gusto, and the marks were readily evident. The combination of the pressure I was applying and the heat from the water brought the striations out with beautiful vividness. I continued to slide easily in and out of her for what seemed like forever.

I then stood her up and turned her around as I withdrew my cock. I pushed her back up against the shower wall and pinned her arms over her head. I held them there with one hand, and reached down between her legs with the other. Before long, I was finger-fucking her, as I leaned down to alternately suck her nipples into my mouth one at a time, biting on them and swirling my tongue around them.

After she had her orgasm, I released her, and finished washing up. I left the shower and allowed her to wash off. I pulled back the shower curtain after I dried off to see her soaping up, camera in hand. I snapped several shots of her as she washed. Then I let her finish up.

When she emerged, she was dressed only in her robe and had a towel wrapped around her hair. I was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her, stroking my still stiff member. I called her over and told her to continue what she had started. She knelt down and sucked my cock into her mouth once again. I let her work her magic for several minutes, playing with my nut sack once again and teasing my ass.

I stopped her, stood up, told her to disrobe. I crawled onto the bed and laid down. She joined me immediately, and crawled between my legs. She went to work on my asshole. She flicked her tongue over it and stroked it with her fingers, putting just enough pressure on it with her finger tip. She then reached around with her other hand and played with my cock. After several minutes, I didn't think I could stand it any longer. I had her turn around and position her pussy over my face, in a lovely 69. She continued to devour my cock as I dove into her delicious pussy with my tongue. I licked her slit and teased her clit for a long, long time. I darted my tongue in and out of her honey hole as she took my cock even deeper into her throat.

I had her climb on top, facing away from me, burying my cock in her hot hole. She began riding me, bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm. I slid her knees forward to allow her to keep her balance as I pulled her backwards to me. Her balance was off, and she couldn't continue her ride on my shaft, so I began bucking my hips to pump in and out of her while I reached around her and grabbed her full tits. I squeezed, kneaded and twisted them. I pinched her nipples and tweaked them, causing them to stick out like large, red pencil erasers.

I then rolled her over and entered her from the front, putting her ankles over my shoulders. She moaned and squirmed beneath me, the torture I was giving her was exquisite. She was on the verge of another orgasm after only a few minutes in this position, but I didn't want to allow her that release, not yet.

I pulled out, and she looked at me with a quizzical look. She started to apologize, thinking she had done something wrong. I stopped her, assuring her all was fine. I told her to roll over on her stomach, and slid on top of her. My cock was between her legs, sliding up and down her slick slit. I then reached the nightstand and retrieved the tube of KY. I leaned back and put a generous dollop on her ass. She jumped from the cold KY, and then started gyrating her hips in anticipation of what was to come.

I put the head of my cock on her asshole, and asked her if she wanted it. "Oh, God YESsssssssss Master!" she hissed. "Please, Master! Give it to me, put your dick in my ass!" I eased the head of my dick into her asshole, going slow and giving her a chance to adjust to the size. Soon, she started to push her hips and ass back against me, trying to get my cock further into her ass. I complied, and eased more of it into her ass. Before long, I felt the wonderful 'pop' once the head passed the rim of her asshole and the entire shaft slid in with ease.

She moaned and began to beg me to fuck her ass. She started spouting off all sorts of nasty and filthy things. She asked me to give it all to her, fuck her hard and to rape her ass. I slid in and out of her ass, faster and faster, harder and harder. With all the excitement leading up to this, and the fantastic tightness of that hole, it didn't take long before I was ready to cum. Before I could come to orgasm, she screamed out that she was cumming, and began bucking wildly beneath me, pushing back even harder against me.

Once her orgasm has subsided, I picked up that pace once again. After about 3 minutes, it was too much. I leaned forward and told her I was ready to cum. She begged me, "Master, give it to me, give me all of it! Please Master, cum in my ass.... cum Master - Please!"

That was it, I was too far gone and I felt the wonderful building tingling sensation in my balls and knew I was ready to cum. And I did, with a loud grunt and a growl in her ear - filled her ass with my hot load of cum.

We fell together to the bed, me still inside her. It took us both several minutes to compose ourselves and drift back to reality. When I finally slid out of her and rolled over, I was spent. I could have drifted off to sleep with ease. Instead, after lying there for several long and wonderful minutes with her curled up in my arms, I realized I needed to get up and get cleaned up. I went to stand, and I was dizzy and light-headed from our intense sex work-out. I got steadied on my feet, and went to turn the water on in the shower once more. I climbed in and got washed off again. After I emerged, I told her the bathroom was hers, as I headed back into the living room to catch my breath.

When she was done, she leaned over to kiss me and say goodnight, announcing she was going to bed. I sat and watched a little tv, typed out this account, and then once done headed in to join her in bed. I plan on holding her tight and cuddling up close to her.

HNT

2006-01-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

The Llama following a rather 'vigorous' flogging.

Tease

2006-01-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

And Master will attest to that fact. I guess it's a part of who I am; I flirt with Master and tease Him all the time. Well, except when He isn't in the mood in which case I keep my distance. The past couple of months, it seems like I've really come into my own as a person. I've gotten more comfortable in who and what I am which in turn, has allowed me to open up. Don't get me wrong, I still have days when I doubt a lot of things, including myself but the other night wasn't one of them.

I eluded to it in my quick post yesterday. Master and I teased each other back and forth all day long but I had the feeling nothing was going to happen; I was on my period and we usually just don't have sex during the week. The night was like any other one; after dinner, I usually clean up and we sit and relax until bed. Once in bed, we talk and snuggle up to each other to fall asleep and some nights we start teasing each other.

I really can't remember how it started but it was innocent enough...*smiles* Okay, well I know what buttons I can push and I pushed them. Master began to hold me down, pinching and nibbling my nipples. I whimpered at the mix of pain and pleasure that was beginning to do its job.

"I love it when you whimper..." He growled as He continued teasing me. Pinching lead to biting, lead to slapping my face, making me beg for Him to hurt me more. The harder He was, the more I wanted it, needed it. I needed to feel His power over me and He gave it to me. Hard.

"Rollover - On your stomach," He ordered getting up off the bed. I rolled over and laid still, knowing He'd move me where He wanted me. I heard Him ripping open a condom in the background before I felt His weight on me. I knew what He was going to do and He did it. I can't say that I didn't want it, but needed it. He ran His cock up and down the crack of my ass before beginning to push against my tight ass hole. It was tight and slightly painful at first but soon I was pushing back against Him, trying to get His cock all the way in me. The pain and the pleasure soon took its course. Master was fucking me with vigor, calling me dirty names. Whew.

I didn't last long before I came, so hard. Master fucked me harder, biting my neck and shoulders so hard that it burned. His teeth seared my skin. I groaned and squirmed beneath Him, often grinding my hips against His. I came again soon after that. He was taking me to the edge quick.

"You had enough slut?"

I managed to get something that sounded like "no Master" although I don't remember saying it. I remember wanting more, not wanting Him to stop. I wanted to be hurt. He pulled my hair, put His arm around my neck, pushed me down into the bed. At some point, it got to be too much.

"Yes I've had enough Master, please stop!"

He did so immediately, rolling off onto the bed next to me. I couldn't move an inch if I had to save my life. I wanted nothing more than to just drift away into space and sleep but it wasn't meant to be. I cried softly at the release He'd given me while He cleaned up. I got up a bit too fast I think because my head began to pound. I held myself up on the wall and shuffled to the sink. All I remember is that it hurt. I didn't feel the pain in my back and on my shoulders until the next morning.

Where He bit me, I was rewarded with deep purple coloring and the imprint of His teeth as thin red lines. He bit so hard the skin was peeling around the lines.

I was impressed and smiled at myself in the mirror.

I'm such a tease. And I don't think Master would have it any other way...

A Note of Congratulations...

2006-01-16T12:27:00.000-05:00

I've been reading blogs for a couple of years now. One of the very first sexual blogs I ever started reading was "Submissive Reflections" by Sarah. She and her man were married back in October (I think) and Mac decided that this new year, they'd try to have a child. They have succeeded...Sarah is pregnant. I teared up when I read her post and left her a note of congratulations.

She also has a very good blog and it's always been a wonderful read. Drop in and offer her luck and stick around, you'll probably like what you read.

As for our little blog, I'm thinking of a post to write. It's been a little quiet the past week for an obvious reason. We did have some fun the other night that ended up with Master leaving bruises on my shoulders and a view of his teeth imprinted there next morning even. Unfortunately, and I can't figure this, I sometimes will get a painful headache right after we're done. It hurt so bad the other night that I cried. The play itself was rough and the emotional release started the tears, with the headache falling in afterwards.

But a post will hopefully follow here within a day or two.

Lyrics...

2006-01-12T17:05:00.000-05:00

I love a lot of different types of music from different ends of the spectrum. I was sitting here doing some work for the office this afternoon when a song came on. I have always loved this particular song but only today did the lyrics really hit me deep down.

INDIA.ARIE - Beautiful (Lyrics)

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sunshiningg
And I want to live inside the glow

Yeah
I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place where time has no consequences oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Please understand that it not that I don't care
But right know these wall are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself

But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe

I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible

And let of the pain with all my might

I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy

Some where between dark and light

Where wrong becomes right

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Master takes me to that place, that place that words can rarely ever describe. He takes me to the place where I am everything I could ever hope to be. It's the place where I feel so beautiful and so safe. He'll take my breath away and yet it's the only place where I can breathe. There's no time, no stress, nothing but Him.

And I am His...

HNT

2006-01-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

From one of our longer sessions.... Oh, how she loves to be restrained!

Who says quickies can't be fun and rewarding? Yesterday, Llama and I actually found ourselves at the house together for a short period of time right around lunch time. My devious mind is always ready for a nooner, but knew that we both had to leave within just a few minutes.

Llama had her usual devilish grin after I swatted her butt as she walked by me, and asked "You sure we don't have time for a quickie, Master?" How could I refuse that tempting offer and that beautiful body? I instructed her to quickly strip, and threw her to the bed. It only lasted maybe 20 minutes, but I brought her to orgasm twice, before cumming myself and filling her with a hot load.

When it was done, there was evidence of our little romp on her, in the form of hand prints to her thighs, scratches to her breasts, and bites to her shoulders. We both quickly got dressed and went about the rest of our day, both smelling of sex - and a big grin our faces.

From Wednesday Night

2006-01-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

The time had come. I had realized it even if she hadn't. She was being more and more brazen lately about asking for things she felt she needed or just plain wanted. I'm not talking about material items - I always give her whatever she wants in that regard. No, I'm talking about spankings, beatings, floggings and the like.

The last few days she's been more and more bratty (if I may borrow an expression from Patty) and been asking for me to tie her up and beat her. I pretended mostly to ignore the comments, and usually changed the subject to something else, but non of them went un-noticed. In fact, I was taking increasing interest to the frequency of the requests and the bold manner in which they were being made.

Something else that had not escaped my attention lately, is the fact that Llama continued to dispute me when I told her how much progress she has made in her training in the last year. Despite me telling her several times, she still doubted what I could easily see.

Yes, the time had come indeed. It was time to show her what I saw, and to remind her who was boss. I made her wonder though. She had read what I had written earlier in the day, so she knew something was planned for that night. She just didn't know what. After dinner was done and cleaned up, and the house straightened back up, I had her sit on the couch while I relaxed in my recliner. I also made her turn her attentions away from the thoughts racing through her mind, and the feelings that I had stirred up earlier that day. I made her watch a movie. And nothing erotic, kinky or pornographic either - a comedy. A classic comedy to say the least, but a comedy nonetheless.

After the movie was over, I instructed her to remove her clothing, out on her collar, wrist and ankle restraints. I then had her go to the bedroom and await me. I didn't make her wait long this time, though. I was in there in just under 5 minutes. I positioned her face down on the bed, and secured her wrists and ankles to the corners of the bed. I asked her if she was ready, and she nodded that she was.

I reminded her that she had asked for this, and did she want to skip it and be untied. She said "No, I asked for it, and now I will take it. I need it." Nothing more was said after that, and I began working her over. I used everything on her at one point or another. I started with the heavy cat-o-nine flogger, then went to the strap, then the paddle, then the cane, back to the flogger, and so on. I beat her ass, back, shoulders, thighs, legs and feet. She was sobbing and squirming, but she never screamed, and she never asked me to stop. She knows if she had, I would have and if that didn't work, she still has a safe word that we have never had to use.

At one point, I used the pumice stick on her like a paddle. It's this rough plastic paddle-looking thing with a handle that is used to get the rough and dead skin and callouses off your feet. It works rather well as a small paddle as well. The rough texture of the plastic makes a fine added element of pain as well as a lovely scratching device.

I worked on her for about 40 minutes from start to finish. Then I untied her and fucked her. Afterwards, she curled up and went to sleep, sobbing, in my arms.

I was up and out to work yesterday before she had a chance to wake up. I got the following e-mail from her during the day yesterday concerning Wednesday night;

Master-

I don't doubt you or our relationship at all. I love you with all I am and I have no idea what I'd do without you. I love the fact you are my Master and that I can come to you and get an answer for any question I have. You're my guardian and the only person I'd follow anywhere. I wouldn't change a thing about us or our relationship. But please do me a favor, keep an open mind when reading this. I know the potential for this being taken wrong.

The thing that I cannot figure out, the thing that is bugging me really bad is how my being in that much pain and sobbing into the bed, gave you pleasure. I was sobbing while you had sex with me because I was so confused and somewhat hurt. Master, it was the last thing I expected you to do.

I almost felt like an object, like I wasn't there, like you didn't care, and I hate feeling that way. It goes completely against everything I know; that I'm not an object (and can honestly say that I don't want to ever be an object) and I know you love me and want to protect me. I just don't understand and I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling this confused. It stirs up feelings and memories that I know are wrong. That's why it's so hard to find the right words to tell you.

It's just something I need to work through in my mind. My love for you and trust in you has only gotten stronger. I understand why I was beaten, I'd been asking for you to do so in a round about way for weeks. I needed it and I realize that. I don't understand the sex afterwards.

Like I said above, I love you more than you'll ever realize. I already feel better for just typing it out and getting it out of my mind. I don't want anything to change. I love things the way they are.

I cannot wait to walk down the aisle and become your wife. I'm excited about picking out a necklace to wear during the day as my collar as well wearing it down the aisle. And I'll be honored when you do find my permanent collar and put it around my neck as I kneel. Please don't worry about me, I'm feeling better already.

love always,
llama

Here is my response to Llama;

While I realize you would rather hear my voice, it is easier to respond in this
medium. It allows me to get my thoughts straight without getting distracted.

The pleasure I began to derive has shown me there is a measure of sadist and
masochist within me that I was not fully aware of, or that I didn't give enough
credit to. The fact that you trust me and do not fear me is good, because I
would never go past what I know you could endure.

The beating you received was as I have told you, for many reasons, the
culmination of which was your final test to me. You proved yourself more than
ready, and more than worthy.

Last night, I didn't have sex with you. I fucked you. There were several reasons
for my doing so. First off, no, you are not an object - and I don't wish you to
be one. If all I wanted was a hole to use to get off, I can get a doll at the
sex shop.

I am not going to list all the reasons I did what I did, but I will tell you a
couple. One of them is that I wanted to break you. I wanted you to be completely
submitted, physically - and you did and you were. Additionally, it was an aspect
of the rape fantasy you said you wished to have. Yes, I know you were thinking
more along the lines of me coming home and ripping your clothes from you
throwing you to the bed and taking you. This way, I do think, had a deeper
impact on you.

One more reason I did what I did was to see where your newer boundaries and
limits were. A year ago, you would not have taken that beating, and you would
never have made it to the sex. Now do you understand? All that I did last night,
was to not only to test you, but to PROVE to you what I know. To show you what you
say you can't see..... how far you've come.

With each day that goes by, I love you more and more. Ours is such a unique
relationship. So many others in this lifestyle would be jealous if they knew all
the aspects of what we have. We're not the richest, or the best looking, or the
most sophisticated - and we don't have to be. You have just created a blog entry
for tomorrow. Your e-mail to me and my response to it will get posted. Then you
will be able to hear what others have to say about how lucky not just you are,
but how lucky WE are.

I too look forward to the day I can see you walk down the aisle, and take your
hand, and walk through the rest of our lives together. Having you at my side
means more to me than you will ever know - but I will try and show you as we
take the journey.

So, I put it to our readers. Are we not lucky? I love this woman, I wish her to be with me forever. I have not only found a wonderful slave, but a lover, soulmate, and partner for life. There aren't many of us that can say that.

Happy HNT

2006-01-05T18:11:00.000-05:00

This week's choice was a tough one, but here you go.

Llama, post shower, applying lotion

A night out... and then the day that follows

2006-01-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

At the end of the day yesterday, I informed Llama that she would not be cooking dinner. Instead, I had other plans. I told her to dress casually to go out for dinner. She asked if I had any requirements for her lingerie, and I told her no - she could wear what she wanted.

Llama is always very good at wearing what she knows I like, even if I don't give her specific instructions. We were going to have a night out alone, away from all the distractions that usually follow us.

We had a great dinner at a new restaurant that recently opened. It had been recommended to us, but we had not tried it yet. The meal was wonderful, and one of the things that she loves for me to do for her when out, I did. That is, ordering her meal. She tells me what it is she wants prior to the server arriving, and then I will order for her.

After dinner, I thought we would go to a movie. It had probably been over a year since the last time we actually went to the movies, rather than waiting for it to come out on video and then renting it.

After the movie, we returned home. We were both still very full from dinner. We were lounging around on the couch, just being rather lazy. She was sitting on one end, and I had laid down, teasing her by sticking my feet in her lap. She had an impish grin and began to massage my feet. As always, she knows that her performing this act is not only very relaxing to me, but also very erotic.

I allowed her to continue with her duties, and then informed her that she would be performing this act for the rest of me. She retired to the bedroom to get the massage oil and the bed ready. After just a couple minutes, she told me she was ready. I followed her to the bedroom, and removed my clothes and laid on the bed so she could continue. She started with my back, and with the KY warming liquid massaged my entire back, working her way down to my butt, then my legs.

Once she was done, I turned over and she did the same with my front, working down my body, skipping over my groin and working down my legs. Once she was done, she returned to my groin, massaging my cock and balls, and under my balls down to my ass. She spent several minutes doing this, and the desired effect was reached. She had my cock hard and my balls tingling. She asked what I wanted next. I had her remove the small amount of clothing she still had on, and instructed her to lay on the bed, on her back.

My cock was well lubricated with the KY liquid, and I added a liberal amount to her pussy. It was not rough, but it was forceful with purpose as I easily slid my throbbing cock into her pussy, burying it all the way in with one motion. She let out a loud gasp, and before she could catch her breath, I had both her legs in the air, and rolled her back into the bed so that her feet were next to her head, touching the wall behind her head. It was quick and easy. I was so aroused from her massage and the masturbation she had performed on me that I couldn't possibly hold off long before I came.

She too was already aroused from her duties to me, and was soaking wet even without the KY liquid. I rocked back and forth for only a few minutes before I felt her start to shudder, and increased the tempo at which I was fucking her, my balls slapping against her ass I did so. Within a matter of minutes, she was screaming, and begging me to tell her what she was. I told her she was a slut, a whore, and a slave - and with that, I too went over the edge, filling her with a hot load of cum.

We fell into the bed, and I released her legs as well slumped together. After a few minutes to catch our breath, she asked me if I would give her a beating. Normally, I would take such a request as insolent, arrogant, and very much out of her place. The brat in her was coming out, and I knew it would only be a problem if I allowed her to go without.

I considered her request, and decided it was in her best interest to allow her to receive a beating, even if she initiated it by asking fore it out of her place. I told her to lay on her stomach, selected one of my favorite belts for the task, and began delivering several blows to her ass, thighs, and back. As I continued, I increased the speed and the severity of the blows. Soon, lovely red streaks began to appear all over her lovely ass, legs, and back. After about 20 minutes of this beating, I delivered a strong blow, the elicited a yelp and a few tears. I stopped, asking her if she had yet had enough. She said she wasn't sure, and before she could say anything else, I struck her several more times, with some severity. Finally, she admitted that she had indeed had enough. Tears were streaming down her face, yet she was not sad or angry - she was experiencing a release that was needed following her powerful orgasm 30 minutes earlier.

We went to sleep soon after, content and happy. When we awoke this morning, it was with the premise of a lazy day at home. We both had some time away from work saved up and decided to use some of it. After a few hours of lounging around, I was teasing her with little swats to her butt as she would walk by, or tweaking her nipples when she would sit next to me. At one point, she was again being a brat and trying to tickle me and swat back at me. I pinned her to the couch, rolled her over and began spanking her. After a few minutes, I went to the bedroom closet, retrieved the heavy oak paddle, and returned to the living room with it. She was still lying face down on the couch where I had left her. I pulled her pants down to her knees and without warning, I began to deliver several heavy blows to her ass.

It didn't take long before she was squirming and screaming. I didn't work her over too hard..... that I save for later tonight.

2006-01-03T15:30:00.000-05:00

"Here are the rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says 'You are tagged!' (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours.The following may not be weird to you but they are to somebody."

Jo (aka Searabbit) tagged me and I have to come up with 5 odd habits of mine. This would be easier if I asked Master to name them...lol. Lets see what I can come up with...

1) I put my socks and shoes on the same way, no matter what. Right sock, left sock. Left shoe, right shoe.

2) This habit is weird and can be distusting. I pick and bite at my cuticles. I have beautiful, natural nails but my cuticles always look terrible. I have tried so many times to stop, it's not funny. Master has told me to stop but it only lasts so long. It embarrasses me but I can't stop.

3) I drive Master crazy with the way I eat. I don't mind if my food touches or anything like that but I'll usually only eat on thing on my plate at a time. I'll finish my meat and then eat my vegatable. Rarely will I 'mix it up.' Meatloaf and mashed potatoes are just meant to be eaten together.

4) I love having things organized. It makes me happy and I'm happy to do it. I don't alphabitize things but things that are alike, are grouped together. My kitchen has Christmas stuff stacked in it and it's driving me crazy but all will be better here soon. I also like things clean and tidy. No clutter. "A place for everything and everything in it's place."

A last one...this is getting hard.

5) I am a blanket thief. Several times Master has woken up in the middle of the night shivering, only to find that I have rolled over the other way and have all the covers. I'm usually always a bit cold to begin with. I think it's funny but sometimes Master just doesn't see it my way.

Well, I'm suppose to tag five other people but I have no idea who has already done this one. I don't want them to have to do it twice so I'll leave it open. If you want to do this for me, go for it and let me know. I'll come to your blog and read it over.

Rainy day repose

2006-01-02T15:56:00.000-05:00

First off, Happy 2006 to one and all. I sincerely hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday, no matter which you celebrate. Both Llama and I send our warmest regards for a happy, healthy, safe and fun-filled New Year to you. We have been very fortunate to have made some new friends through this Blog, and we hope that continues to happen. Some of you that have been so kind to send your comments our way I look forward to getting to know even better and talking to you more.

Today was turning out to be a totally unusual day. I say unusual not in the sense that anything was wrong, but that it was not the typical routine for us. Neither of us got up at our accustomed time to go out about our daily work routines.

Llama was at home, lounging on the couch and reading her ever-growing list of Blogs. She was taking a leisurely day off from the grind and the post-holiday euphoria.

I was in my den, working from home today. I was trying to get some things done online, but I kept sneaking off from working to surf, shop, and generally waste the time I should have been using to do more productive things.

We were on opposite ends of the house, and we would bump into each other when one of us would wander through the house for something. Usually for me, it was another cup of coffee or just to see what mischief she was into. It's been raining all day, so going outside to get anything in her flower beds accomplished was not going to happen. She did announce that she had to go into town to the store for a few items, including something for dinner. She had been gone about an hour when I heard her come back in. Again, I wasn't getting much done, this time I was in the shower.

After lunch, I heard her log onto messenger. I had been on there as well, having it minimized down, just in case someone might want to distract me from work a little further. Finally, I got a wicked idea. Since I wasn't getting much accomplished anyway, another diversion hardly seemed bad. Our schedules had once again been keeping us from enjoying our relationship as fully as we like, or as we should.

She shot me an IM from the other end of the house, all the way through cyberspace, to ask if I was getting anything done and if we could be any more lazy today. My response was simple, "Get in the bedroom, get naked, and kneel, await me." Her response was even more simple, "Yes Master", she logged off and I heard her footsteps going down the hall.

I made her wait there a few minutes while I made a few comments here and there, and then finally shut down the mp3 player in the background and headed for the bedroom. The lights were off, the blinds drawn, and the room dimly lit - perfect. There kneeled Llama, naked at the foot of the bed, as she was instructed.

I went in and sat at the end of the bed and told her to position herself over my knee, which she did without hesitation, knowing full well what was coming. She did ask after she was draped over my knee if she had done something wrong, especially when she saw me reach to the dresser grabbing my leather belt and removing the buckle. "No, Llama, of course not. This is just a reminder of your place, who you belong to, and what you are." I saw a thin smirk on her lips as she turned her head back down.

I started with my hand, giving her a good spanking. Working her buttocks, thighs and legs. Then I switched to the belt, again working the same areas. Soon, she began to moan and every once in a while a squeal would escape her lips when I hit just a bit harder or caught the edge of her thigh just right, or the outer lips of her full pussy. I worked up her back with the belt, all the way to her shoulders, and back down again. She was soaked, the smell of her sex was filling the bedroom, it was intoxicating. I knew she was ready. I pulled her up, kissed her lips and had her lie face down on the bed. I removed my clothes and slid on top of her, pinning her to the bed.

I slowly began to grind my cock up and down the crack of her ass, and then her pussy. She was moaning and squirming beneath me, but had no where to go. Soon, she was grinding her hips into the bed, trying to get some pressure on her cunt to give her the release she wanted, but I was not about to let her have it yet. I quickly thrust my cock into her well lubed hole, and she rewarded me with a loud "Ohhhhhhhhh" and an even louder moan. I kept the strokes short and shallow at first, just enough to keep her on the edge. I lowered my face to her ear and whispered, "I'm going to use you. I'm going to use you to make me feel good. This is to remind you who owns you." Another moan and she squirmed again, until I reached around her throat with me left hand and squeezed just enough. This produced the desired effect, she let out a gasp and her breathing became ragged.

I grabbed a fistful of hair with my right hand and continued working on her for several minutes, finally allowing her the release she so desperately needed. I was giving it to her doggie style, and I had continued my earlier assault on her ass with my hands as I thrust in and out of her. Her breathing became more ragged and the moans turned to squeals. She arched her back like a cat and started to shake and shudder, fully in the throws of her orgasm. I didn't let up the rhythm until it was done and she fell back onto the bed.

I rolled her over, pulled her legs up to her chest and entered her once again in one swift thrust. She let out a very load moan and instinctively threw her legs over my shoulders, knowing exactly what I like. Her second orgasm didn't take long, and soon she was trying to pull back away from me in vain as I pounded into her, since I had her pinned to the bed and the headboard - there was no where for her to go and she had to ride the wave of pleasure that I prolonged with my continued thrusts. As she reached the peak, I felt the sensation building in my balls. It was only going to take a few more strokes and if I didn't stop I would be over the edge myself.

I thought about holding off and making it last longer by slowing down, or pulling out and letting her catch her breath. Instead, I decided I had tortured her enough and increased the tempo and soon as I was flooding her with my cum as she was just beginning to come down from her climax. This triggered her again, and she had a third orgasm in less than 20 minutes time. Once done, we fell apart onto the bed, with me rolling onto my back next to her. She was breathing hard and had the dream-like look on her face that let me know she was zooming along in subspace. After a few minutes, I pulled her to me, and she took her normal spot resting her head in the crook of my shoulder, snuggling up next to me. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours. In reality it was only a few minutes, before we both realized we needed to get up and I needed to get back to work and she needed to head into the kitchen to start prepping dinner. On her way, I issued another order to her, "Make me a pot of coffee." She nodded, "Of course Master." And headed off down the hallway, and me back in to the confines of my den.

She called to me to inform me it was ready. I would like to have her bring it to me, but try as she might, she can never seem to add the sugar and milk just the way I like it. We will have to work on that. Especially since, as I informed her today, I will be getting her that maid uniform in the very near future. Thanks to Dave for the wonderful idea! (Must give credit where credit is due)

Somehow, I have a feeling that dinner will taste just a bit better tonight, now that we have had some time together and the chance for me to firmly remind her of her place. She wasn't mis-behaving or performing badly, but every so often, by her own admission, she needs a good spanking to keep her head in the right place and her submissiveness in line.

HNT

2005-12-29T20:53:00.000-05:00

Happy HNT!

And this one, is of Llama.

Some updates

2005-12-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

For anyone actually keeping track, I have made some changes to the Blog links to the right. I have removed some of the Blogs that have either gone inactive, or been removed entirely. In their place, I have added some others that I like to read as often as I can, as well as some that Llama likes to read.

If you don't see your Blog listed on our links, and would like to be listed - please drop us an e-mail. We will be happy to add you!

Since it would seem that our first HNT post was enjoyed - we might have to make it a regular practice to post for HNT.

Our Christmas went great, lots of friends and family. Also, there was plenty of pain to keep Llama happy over the past few days. Hope everyone else had a great holiday, and we are looking forward to the New Year.

HNT - Christmas style

2005-12-22T19:23:00.000-05:00

We have never participated in HNT, but I couldn't resist with this one. Ever in the holiday spirit -

Talk about holiday lights!

A word of thanks to Slave, and her Blog Party. I had a great time participating in it, and hopefully gained some new readers in the process. I invite you to check out her Blog - very enjoyable.

Llama and I will probably not get the chance to post again until after Christmas. We wish you all a wonderful holiday, filled with lots of love, spankings, candles, and new toys to play with!

Who knew?

2005-12-19T13:02:00.000-05:00

Santa is a switch!

How'd you like to get your presents wrapped in that this year?

If you are visiting from the Blog Party, WELCOME! I invite you to take a few moments and look around, you might like what you find. Enjoy!

Submissive Reindeer?

2005-12-17T17:52:00.000-05:00

Who said they don't know how to party at the North Pole?

Thoughts of a Submissive

2005-12-13T08:55:00.000-05:00

Master's last post made me smile, although not at first. I took it as, 'I'm taking too much of His time, I'm demanding too much of Him.' Master said that I was the only one in the world that would've taken it that way. So true. I re-read it the next morning and it really did draw out a smile. He wants to make more time to give me what He wants, what He knows I love and need. How could I not smile when I see that He pays attention to what makes me happy and that He wants to give it to me more often than He already does?

His last post also made me feel good. Now I know He can see vast improvements in me. Things like e-mailing Him or calling Him and letting Him know what's going on has become a natural thing. I know how much He loves me regardless of what He may think. His work keeps Him very busy and I understand that completely. He comes home tired but always makes a point to kiss me 'hello.' There are mornings where He's out the door before I have to get up and nights that I'm fast asleep before He can come to bed. He gives me what He's able and right now, that's enough. I would like to have more instruction and time with Him but it isn't His fault. He earns the majority of the money in the household and takes care of me. He gives me all that need.

Going from that, Master takes care of the bills, works long hours in order to put food on the table, keep the lights on, and a roof over our heads. In exchange for this, after I get home from work and on the weekends, I'm responsible for the upkeep of the house. I dust, cook, clean, do laundry, press His work shirts, and many other things that come up. On Sarah's blog, she had made the comment that she finds herself quite busy some days. I'm the same way; there's usually something to be done around the house when I get home, as well as cooking dinner for Master and myself. Well, someone opened a can of worms causing her to post what she means.

I read her post and found myself nodding and agreeing with her on practically every single point. Master has chosen to work the full time job and support me. My job is really quite simple and doesn't require too many hours a week. He provides everything that I need. When we go to the grocery store and I want something different or special, I'll always ask out of respect. Master has never denied me of anything, especially Ben and Jerry's...lmao. He has provided me with the clothing I need and things I need for around the house. When I make a trip to the store alone, I try to give Him an idea of what I'm going to buy. He earns the money but calls it 'our money.'

I like to have a clean house as does Master. There are times when I'm slack but our home never is more than a 10 minute power-clean away when company is coming. I do our laundry and I cook our food. I'm home most of the day, why shouldn't I? These little things bring me joy because I know Master is proud of our home; and so am I! I absolutely love to cook and bake. There's nothing better than cooking a good, filling meal on a cool, damp day. It warms the house and makes it homey.

Now, Master is a very good cook. On days that I'm under the weather or just too busy at work, no matter what, He'll step up and do the cooking and the cleaning without complaint. Some days He'll cook and take care of the kitchen afterwards to let me relax. Usually, Master takes care of the yard, the repairs, the bills, basically 'men's work.' I'm every feminist's worst nightmare; a submissive female that falls into the traditional roles of a 'housewife' or slave *gasp!*

I can just see feminists cringing and I love it! Thank you for making it easier to do things but do not judge me because of this life I chose and love! Just as Mac does for Sarah, Master will open my car door and help me in, hold doors into and out of restaurants, sometimes for several people. He holds my hand or takes my arm and enjoys it. He'll order for me at restaurants (which I adore) and He'll gladly walk to the bar and get our drinks. He too treats me like a queen, like a lady and I'm more confident for it.

And as Sarah points out, this allows me complete freedom from having to be masculine. If there's something I can't handle, Master simply steps in and takes care of it for me without complaint and without ever bringing it up again. I don't worry about getting an argument at a restaurant over food, I don't worry about anyone even looking at me strangely when I'm with Him. I can be soft, sensitive, open, and loving without having to worry about He or anyone else taking advantage of it. I can be a slut in the bedroom and a lady in public. We both love it and His protection of me allows it.

How many feminists can say that? How open can you be? I can be just as strong and independent if I wanted to be. I could go out and be an independent woman, support myself, and still be able to come home, put my leather collar around my neck, and kneel in from of my Master. If He would rather me be home, that's where I'll stay; if my job becomes a problem, I'll quit without fear. When I'm in a funk, I get out of bed because of Him.

And when He takes me into the bedroom and wraps His hand around my neck, as He did last night, I love Him more deeply. When He handcuffed my hands behind my back, put the ball gag in and blindfolded me, I was able to put my life in His hands and not feel on shred of fear. When He hooked up my leash and led me to the bed, I was ready to follow Him to the moon and back. When He began to flog me and slap me with that very leash, I was His completely, put in my place by the stinging, burning sensations across my ass and thighs. As He took me and fucked me, I knew He loved me above all others. As I cried gently afterwards from the release of intense emotions, He held me and comforted me, and I knew He cherished me above all others.

There's more than I could post about, more so about my own personal reasons for my submission, and the psychological impact it has on my life, but I've said enough for today. All of the above is because people who do not seek to understand our lifestyle but take pleasure in trashing it need to stop talking and listen or go away. If you don't understand and don't care, move on! No one is making you read this and I'm not out to change your opinion. If you want to burn your bras to get your point across, I'm not going to stop you. Go for it! Do what you need to do to be happy.

This lifestyle makes me happy. When I want something, I kneel instead of burning my nice bras from Vickies. I may not agree with how you do things and you may not agree with mine, but I will not stand up and bash you, telling you that you are wrong because of your beliefs. I expect the same respect back.

I'm a better, more educated person from my experiences with Him, who understands that people have different opinions. If you don't like mine, go to the top of the page and click on, "Next Blog."

We'll simply agree to disagree.

Wandering thoughts of this and that

2005-12-09T19:11:00.000-05:00

I had received an invite a while back to attend a play party from an old friend of mine, a submissive. I hadn't seen or heard from her in years, and had the opportunity to talk to her recently. Since then, we've kept in touch about once a week or so.

When the subject of her parties first came up, I was excited, but Llama was hesitant. She wasn't sure she was ready to take our relationship to that level, to the point where she was with others around, even if they are like-minded. We've talked about it some since the initial invite, and she is a bit more comfortable with the idea - but still not crazy about it.

I found out the other day that the party is scheduled for this weekend, and unfortunately, Llama and I already have a prior commitment. When I told 'P' we couldn't make it this time around, she was disappointed, but understood. I was kind up bummed too, I really was looking forward to it. You never know where you might get new ideas from.

Other than that, all is going along nicely with Llama. She has really come along very nicely, these last few weeks especially. I would like to take credit for the change in her, but I'm not sure I can. She has a lot more spunk and self-confidence lately. She carries herself very well, and knows what I expect of her, even when I can't be around to instruct her. For example, I was at work today, and buried up to my eye balls. I got an e-mail from her, she wanted me to know that she was going to be heading out to run some errands that I had left for her. In addition, she was going to be meeting a friend for lunch. She was quick to add that she would of course be dressed nicely, and her hair and make-up done. This is something that I normally have to tell her to do, as she has a natural beauty that really doesn't require much make-up. Often, she goes without, and looks just fine that way. She's very much a 'tom-boy' in many regards, and is comfortable to pull on a ball cap with her jeans and sweatshirt and head out the door. But, she knows I like her dressed up a bit, with hair and make-up done when she's going out in public. So, she has begun to make a concerted effort to comply with this, even when I am not there to guide her.

Now, all that being said, I have work to do. I have allowed things to slide into complacency lately. Like many of us in the D/s lifestyle, we lead vanilla lives each and every day. More often than not, I have allowed other things get in the way and sidetrack me from giving her the time, attention, and sessions she needs and desires. I need to instruct her more. I need to offer her more release - along with the restraint (both physical and mental). I need to get the garage cleaned out again and re-assemble my dungeon. I need to buy her more toys for our sessions. I need to make the time to take her to one of those parties. I need to hurt her more often, as she has admitted she loves it so much. And most important, I need to tell her how much I love her more often - and how I am better off for having her as my sub. A master without a sub is like a boat with no water, it does not function. She completes me, and I could not ask for a better sub than my Llama.

Yesterday, Llama called me at work. This is something she does not ordinarily do. Normally, if she needs something, she will e-mail me and wait for me to answer. If it's important, she will beep me on the Nextel. When I answered my phone to hear her voice on the other end, I was suspicious. At first, I wondered that something was wrong. She assured me all was ok, but had a few things that she wanted to tell me, and didn't want to wait for an e-mail response. Ok..... why not use the Nextel, I thought to myself. After she was done telling me what was what, I was about to get off the phone, and she said she was going to ask me one more thing, but it could wait if I had to go. As I always try to make time for her, no matter how busy I may be, I stopped and told her to continue. She asked for permission to masturbate. Now, I know why she didn't use the Nextel! I quickly thought over her request, and decided that yes, she may. She has been a very good girl as of late, and we have had very limited time alone together for me to give her the physical release she obviously needed. She giggled and thanked me, and then hung up. She told me later it was good, and that she had needed it.

The other day, we had to go out to a get together that required her to dress up a bit more than normal for her. I had given her a choice of outfits to wear. I wanted to see what she would choose. Despite the cold night air, and the height of my vehicle, she chose the skirt, heels, and thigh-high stockings. I was very pleased. She knows what I like, and makes every attempt to please me at all times. There is something very sexy and feminine about a woman in heels and thigh highs. I absolutely love it, and have purchased several pairs for her to wear. She has even begun to wear them under slacks and pants, simply because she knows I like them, and she has come to like the feel of them herself. She is already under standing orders to only wear thongs, unless I tell her to wear no panties, or the time of the month does not allow for it. This she does readily.

After the get together the other night, we decided to do something a bit different, and went to a hotel for the night. There was no need for it, it just was out of the ordinary. We had no toys with us, and we were both fairly tired. Things still managed to get rather heated in bed, once all the clothes were thrown to the floor. As the walls were thin, we had to keep it down a bit, but as she got closer and closer to orgasm, I pulled and pinched a bit harder, and when I saw her ready to cum, I wrapped my hands around her throat and squeezed. She recently expressed her desires for me to use breath control with her.

(***DISCLAIMER*** If you are a novice at this, be very careful and do some research first! This is a very dangerous activity and should only be attempted by those who are knowledgeable in the subject.)

Now, that being said, as her orgasm hit and she climaxed, I applied a bit more pressure to her throat than I have in the past. Careful to watch her face and eyes as I did. The effect was better than I think she could have hoped for. Her whole body shook and shuddered, her legs clamped down around me and she let out a high pitch squeal. I let up on her as her orgasm eased off, and she let out a loud gasp and fell limp onto the bed. It took her several minutes to recover, finally rolling over to cuddle along side me and thank me for 'the most powerful orgasm she had ever had'. After a while, she grinned when she looked at me and confided that she was about 10 seconds away from passing out. She wanted to know how I knew, and could be so good at it, and despite it - she was never afraid. She knew I would never harm her, or ever put her in danger. She has given herself to me, fully.

Taken to the Edge

2005-12-02T17:55:00.000-05:00

I love it when Master takes what I rarely offer. It reminds me of just what I am and where I belong in life.

As Master has posted lately, I've become more wanton of pain. He's taken me over the edge which can be frightening but I know He'll hold me while I let all the pain go. It's not something I'm afraid of letting Him do, taking me over the edge of what I can handle.

Last evening, I was exhausted and have been most nights. I went to bed and watched a little TV before Master joined me. We laid together and watched TV, chuckling at the show. For some reason (like I don't know), Master loves to torment me in the smallest of ways. So, as we are laying in bed, Master's right leg resting on top of both of mine, He begins to tease. Soon, He's holding me down and teasing me while I struggle against Him. We're both laughing too hard but He's stronger than I so I struggle in vain.

He placed my left hand under His body...hee hee hee, what a brat I can be! I begin to playfully scratch Master's ass. The "mmmm" caused me to continue and soon I found my other hand being pulled down to His already stiffening cock. I love the feeling of His cock in my hands, getting harder and throbbing with every groan. I played with His balls, more than pleased that He took the time to shave them smooth few days before. I love the feeling of His shaft and balls when they are smooth....oh yes I do love them smooth.

He ordered me to strip down. My clothing landed in a pile right next to the bed. As I laid back down, He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to my stomach, taking His place on top of my body. He bit me and ran His nails up and down my body. I could feel Him rubbing against my pussy and could feel the wetness spreading. I began to push back into Him, trying to get Him into my pussy.

The best laid plans of brats and men....

That's not what He wanted. He began to push the head into my ass. No lube, no warning, and I wanted it, damn did I want it. I'm not the biggest fan of anal but only because of the mess it can create. Other than that, I love the way it feels. I have bigger orgasms when I have a bullet, plug, or other implement in my ass and Master's cock in my pussy.

Last night, He started off slow and worked His way in, nice and deep. I moaned, squirmed, and squealed as He fucked me all the while nibbling my shoulders, holding my arms down, and using my hair for thrust. It was hot. Soon, Master began thrusting into me so hard and at a frantic pace. I was almost screaming into the bed at this point. It felt too good to hold back. I heard Him begin to grunt and knew...I was soon rewarded with a load of cum in my ass and a satisfied Master.

We each took a quick shower and crawled back into bed, falling asleep in each others arms. Like Master has said before, just when I think I'm so close to Him, we get even closer to each other. I'm continually drawn into Him and find myself putting what He'd want first, thinking about what He'd think of a situation, and what He'd do. I never would've thought that my submission would run this deep into my being, into my soul.

And I wonder if Master will ever take me to that edge, if there is an edge to my submission. Personally, I think that it is wired into my being and Master will just lead me deeper and deeper which will also being me closer and closer to who I really am.

His slave.

Intensity

2005-11-27T16:25:00.000-05:00

The last few days were spent with friends and family for the Thanksgiving weekend. This meant that Llama had to be on her best behavior (which she was) and that her submissive tendencies were dialed down while in public.

She did a perfect job in packing everything and planning the logistics of the travel, leaving me free to take care of work before we left and all I had to do was drive. She presented herself perfectly for each occasion we were in this weekend, dressing appropriately and even sexy with taste.

Unfortunately, when we arrived back home, I had to leave the unpacking to Llama as well, as I had to go to work. We finally made some time to be alone last night. We had a quiet dinner, and afterwards, I sat sipping at a drink as Llama went to bathe, pamper, and primp. When she appeared back in the living room, she was dressed in a skin-tight, spaghetti string camisole, her very short skirt, thigh-highs, heels, and her collar. Under the skirt, she sported a new pair of baby blue lace panties that were a cross between boy shorts and a thong. Very nice, indeed.

I was sitting on the couch, and instructed her to lie down on her back, putting her head in my lap. I could look down at her lovely body, and easily reach over and fondle her at will. This I did for about 30 minutes, teasing her and getting her even hornier than she already was. Finally, I had her get up to refill my glass, and get her new toy from the bedroom. She came back and resumed her original position, handing me her new toy. She had gotten it at the party she had attended a few weeks ago, and we had not had a chance to really use it yet. It is a double bullet vibrator. I turned it on low, and started running them over her body. I slid one down her body, and slid it under the flimsy fabric of her panties. She was so wet, it easily slid right into her pussy, eliciting a load moan from her. I took the second one and again traced it down her body, slid it too inside her panties, and positioned it so that the fabric would hold it in place right above her clit. I removed my hand, then used my fingers to apply pressure to it from outside her panties.

She was moaning and squirming from the vibrations being shot through her body. After a few minutes, I increased the speed of the vibrations, and began massaging the bullet into her clit with small circles and increased pressure. It must have been wonderfully agonizing for her, as she squirmed and bucked against it, trying to get the perfect angle and position to allow her a release. I didn't want to allow her that release, not yet. I let it build slowly and as she reached the brink, I would draw it away and leave her wanting. Soon, she could no longer stand it, her head was cocked back in my lap, eyes screwed shut, mouth dropped open, panting like a dog in heat. I slid the second bullet into her pussy along with the first, and when the two touched and vibrated against each other, she let out a squeal and then a gasp. She was whimpering, begging me with her eyes to stop teasing her and allow her to cum. I pulled the second bullet back out, slid it back over her clit, and went to work on her once more. This time, it was with determination. I had played with her for close to 45 minutes by this time, and she was so tight with pent up sexual frustration, I thought she would explode. I worked her clit with the bullet hard, mashing it into her clit. She began to move her hips to get the right pressure and position again, this time, I didn't stop. I kept working her, hard. It didn't take long. I saw the look on her face tighten, her eyes closed tight as a drum. She tensed up, her back arched and she started squealing. That was it, she was over the edge and cumming hard. Her legs began to flail, her hips bucked uncontrollably, her breathing was in ragged gasps, her skin flushed as she rode the wave or orgasmic pleasure. Just as it appeared that she was done with her climax, I would move the bullet ever so slightly and adjust pressure, and it would send her into another climax, harder than the last. She came long and hard, multiple orgasms lasting several minutes. When I finally pulled it away and let her relax, she went totally limp and lay in my lap sweaty and spent.

When she finally was able to talk, she was dreamy and ready to go to bed. I agreed, and sent her to the bedroom, just not to sleep. I had her strip and kneel and await me. When I entered the room, I had her suck my cock as I stood in front of her, then I laid on the bed and had her continue. She then used the bullet on my balls as she licked and sucked my cock. I let her go on, sucking me like a wild woman, for several minutes. I then put her face down on the bed, and again got her worked up. I lubed up her ass and inserted one of the bullets in her ass, then put the other under her clit. I wasted no time, sticking my cock all the way in to her pussy. She let out a yelp and began breathing hard. As I started sliding in and out of her, she began to beg for more and more. After a few minutes, she came again, but I was not done with her. I flipped her over and put her ankles over my shoulders, and slid back in with one thrust. She gasped and shuddered when I did, and it took only a couple minutes before she was bucking again beneath me, this time the intensity of the vibrator in her ass and the pressure it put on me while sliding in and out of her was too much for me and I exploded inside her, filling her with a thick load. We fell into the bed, still entwined together. We lay there for several minutes before either of us could move.

When I got my legs back beneath me, I got up and got cleaned up, instructing her to do the same. I went back out in the living room to sit and enjoy the afterglow and sip at my drink. She joined me a few minutes later, and we stared at the TV for a while. It wasn't long before we decided it was time for bed. I locked up the house, and we headed back to the bedroom.

I was messing around with her, teasing her by tickling and flicking her ears. She always gets frustrated, because I am not ticklish, so she can't get me back. After a couple minutes of that, it turned into pinching and slapping. Soon, she was aroused again, moaning and begging me to do more. What started as simple teasing was now turning into S&M. I was biting her, scratching her, pulling and twisting her nipples, and smacking her thighs, chest and face. The rougher I got, the more she wanted. Her breathing was fast, her moans louder and loader, she was panting and squirming. She would beg me to hit her harder, bite harder, pull and pinch harder... nothing was enough. Soon, she found herself held down with me on top of her, again inside her. Each time I thrust and she moaned, I grabbed another handful of hair and pulled harder, which caused her to yelp and ask for more. It didn't matter how much I hurt her, she was so into it, that she wanted more. By the time we both climaxed, I had left bite and scratch marks all over her body, and she was shaking from the pleasure. We laid in bed, and I held her as she sobbed. She laid there and cried all over my shoulder - the release of so much pent up anxiety and frustration from the previous couple of weeks just overwhelmed her. Finally, we both drifted off to sleep.

Admission of a pain slut

2005-11-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

I was going to have Llama write about the events over the past couple weeks, but she asked if I would do it for her, as some of it was a blur to her. Some time back, she mentioned that she was rather enjoying the pain aspect of our play and sessions, as well as just getting rougher during sex.

After all the emotions blew over from the events surrounding her night out with the girls and the party, things became much better. After we sat and talked, and I clearly outlined what I expected from her at all times, she began to understand why I had become angry and where she had gone astray. She did not receive a physical punishment for this transgression. The anger I expressed to her and the volatile conversation was more than enough to put her in her place and set her back on the correct path.

Since then, we have had several very heated love making encounters. Each time, they started out rather vanilla and soft, but they climaxed into something much rougher. With each one that followed, things got more and more physical, and rougher. She finally confessed the other night, that she loved the pain I was inflicting upon her. Everything I was doing to her was not enough for her anymore, she desired a new level of pain and humiliation to reach her desired climax, and to fully give herself to me.

What began as slapping her ass and thighs during sex, became smacking and beating. What started as light slaps to the face, reached a point where if not careful, would leave visible bruises to her lovely face - this is something I have no desire to do to her. Not when she must conduct herself in a professional environment each day.

Recently, she has begun to beg me to hit her harder, pinch more, and mark her frequently. While our schedules have unfortunately not allowed much in the way of full-blown sessions, we've managed to make due with what we can, when we can.

The items she purchased at her little sex party arrived the other day. I look forward to using them on her in the very near future. All has gotten much better between us, and I didn't think it was possible for us to get closer than we already were, but we have. She is very much in her place, and doing very well. We are planning a little trip, and as an added way for her to serve me, I told her she could pack for me. She has been asking me as of late for more responsibilities, and for new ways for her to serve me. I thought this would be an ideal way for her to show her submissive skills. I told her what I needed and wanted to be brought, and left the rest to her.

Llama read on another D/s Blog about the Master buying a maid's uniform for his sub. Nothing kinky, just a regular hotel-type maid uniform. She mentioned it to me, with a twinkle in her eye. I commented that it was a good idea, and that maybe I should purchase one for her to wear around the house to do her chores in. She grinned and asked me why I had thought she had mentioned it to me. She wanted it the whole time, but didn't want to come out and ask for it. So, I have checked out several uniform suppliers and found a few I like, and they are reasonably priced. Who knows, maybe I will have to get her one in the near future. Opens up a whole new realm of roll playing, fantasy, and kink...... and gives a whole new meaning to the term 'room service'!

Moving on

2005-11-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

Well, as Master said, we've moved right along. I was a mess until Master and I discussed what had happened. When our relationship first began, I told Master that I would look my best at all times because I was representing He and our relationship.

I always look my best. I never wear sweat pants out of the house. Never. The most relaxed pants I'll wear are a type of exercise pants that are a cotton spandex and even those are rarely chosen. I owe it to Master to look my best.

I re-affirmed that to Him and apologized. This is the first time it has come up and it will be the last.

We are closer now than ever. I was brought back to that place I love and things have been better. We've been rather busy and I've spent my long weekend catching on house work that has fallen behind as of late. Hopefully things will calm and we'll find more time to spend together.

Of course the more time we spend together, the more He beats me, the more I crave Him. I crave His attention, His words, His force, and so many other things that drive my submissive body and mind, absolutely crazy.

Moving forward

2005-11-11T01:31:00.000-05:00

I did get past it, actually the next day. And we made up and are closer now than ever before, if that was possible. She will explain in more detail within the next couple days. I ask that you bear with us until then.

A Failure

2005-11-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

That's how I felt Saturday morning. It was very early and I found myself awake and feeling even worse than I did Friday night. After I got home Friday night, I was still upset. Earlier in the day, I had soaked in a bath tub. The past few days have been incredibly rough on me, and Master insisted that I take a hot bath. So, I did. I didn't take a shower and wash my hair. I soaked in the tub.

As the afternoon wore on, things needed to be handled around the house and I hadn't heard from Master about this party. So, I took care of things and had some things to do for work; I got the things done around the house and found myself rather grimey. I still hadn't heard from Master and it was about 6pm. He was going to be late and I had no way to leave the house: I couldn't.

So, I assumed (rather incorrectly, but not meaning any harm) that I wasn't going to make it. I threw my P.J.'s on and started on my work. I had make-up on from working during the day, I threw my hair into a pony tail and settled in on the couch. Master called and let me know that I had a half hour to be ready. This was not good. I was a mess with the make-up being the only thing going for me.

I had attended one of these 'ladies only' parties before and knew that they were informal. I really didn't think anything of the way I was dressed. Master hadn't told me what He wanted me to wear, although I do admit the ball cap was a bit too much. I freshened up my make-up after getting dressed.

When I'm in a hurry, I want to get going. I don't like being late for anything and was pacing, wanting for Master to get home. By time He was coming in the door, I was ready to head out. He kissed me and said, "Hello." I said hey back and asked where I was going. "Do you want to go?"

"Yes Master, I just need to know where I'm going." By this time, I wanted to be heading out the door and on my way. I hate being late.

I guess my being in a hurry translated into attitude. The next thing I know, He threw His keys at the couch and got very angry at me. I literally stood by the door and stared at Him with my mouth dropped open, trying in vain to figure out what the hell was going on. I stormed out and took off, driving way too fast but not really caring. I was pissed off and sobbing. I stopped down the street from the party and sat in my car, sobbing. I was embarrassed, especially because I knew Master was embarrassed. I didn't want to go. I called Him, asking Him how much I could spend, if anything. I also told Him that I was too embarrassed to go in because of the way I was dressed.

"Don't worry about it, you look ok. Go and have fun."

Then I came home and read what He had written. Apparently how I was dressed was not OK and it had embarrassed Him. As soon as I returned, he had to leave to handle a problem at work, so I sat and sobbed even harder in the chair as I read it. I was hurt terribly. If was dressed so badly, I shouldn't have been allowed to go. I didn't tell Him that the hostess was in sweats and a tee-shirt and everyone else was in jeans and tee-shirts.

I did tell Him that after He got home.

By this time, I was hurt and so very angry. I almost felt like He'd lied to me. There wasn't an ounce of respect in my voice. I laid right into Him. I'd been sliding for a few weeks with the argument being the straw that broke the camels back. The post was too much. I wanted to push Him, I wanted to be yelled at and made to submit. I wanted to be punished, I wanted to kneel and be reassured but He was too angry and annoyed with me. We argued more, going back and forth.

I was begging Him to stop. I can't take guilt trips, and that was how I took what He was saying. I had asked Him the other night in bed, where our Master/submissive relationship was suppose to fit with of each being so busy.

"It's everyday and all day. Don't worry about it, we'll talk more tomorrow."

Tomorrow never came for that conversation. And now I was being reassured in my thoughts that I was being too needy and too demanding. I'm asking too much. I made a mistake and was wrong and it turned into this.

He sent me too bed with a "Quit standing there, sit down, or do something, but don't stand there in the doorway." I whispered "sorry" and slipped into the bedroom. I curled up into a small ball and sobbed heavily into my pillow. I cried quietly so I wouldn't anger Him more. I didn't move when He came in and got into bed. I wanted to feel His arms around me just to reassure me that we'd be good again once we both settled down. I felt a million miles away from Him. He turned away and fell asleep.

How much more unslavely can I be? How much more of a failure can I be? I want to serve Him and I do that well for awhile until I screw up so miserably, we both ended up angry and asking 'why?'. It makes me wonder if I'm good enough for Him. I know I'm too needy. I wonder if I can "cut it" as He said last night. I know I can and I do. It's things like these arguments that make me wonder.

I'm hurt right now and I'm not sure of what to do. The past few days have been hard on me and Friday night made everything 100 times worse. I was left questioning myself even more than ever and questioning my abilities. Just a few days before, I was "doing a good job." Now, Master wants to know if I can "cut it." Friday night was the first time that I know of, that Master has been embarrassed of what I was dressed in. I'm very aware in how I present myself and I'm always looking my best. Had I known that He thought I should've been dressed better, I would've taken the time and effort to make myself more presentable. As I've always said, Master's opinion matters more than my own.

I came home from the party wanting to talk like Master said we would, but He had to leave. I wanted to talk, get past it, and wanted to spend time with Him. It turned into a complete disaster. At that time, I didn't know if we were okay. I didn't get an 'I love you too' the following morning as He left for work. I did get my kiss and it made me cry because all I want to do is love and serve Him. That's all I ever want to do.

I'm not sure what the fall out will be. I can only hope that He continues to be my Master. Even if He decides not to be, I'll still go to Him and ask His opinion and seek His guidance. That'll never stop.

We've suffered through worse but it always looks bleak when it's happening.

Choices and consequences

2005-11-04T21:21:00.000-05:00

By this point, I thought she would have known and understood without being told. I guess, I didn't make it clear enough, and now I must go back to re-teach what should have already been known.

Several weeks ago, Llama was invited to attend a girls-only toy and lingerie party. The invite came from the wife of one of my friends. I thought it would do her good to get out, make some friends away from me, and have a night alone.

As the weeks went by, we both forgot about it, until two days ago. I bumped into the wife of another friend, and she asked if Llama would be at the party tonight. I asked her what she was talking about, then remembered the invite from all those weeks ago. I called Llama to remind her about it, and she too had forgotten. I asked her if she still wanted to go, and she was unsure.

After 2 days of debate, we were talking about it again today, and she was still not sure if she wanted to go. I had told her it didn't matter to me, that if she wanted to go she could, and if she didn't, she didn't have to. I did tell her I thought it would be good for her to get out and have a change of pace for a night. She finally told me that she desired me to instruct her as to what she do. I told her she would be going, and that was that. This decision was made around 12:30 this afternoon.

Part of the problem was, neither of us could remember what time it started, and I was unable to get up with the hostess yesterday or today to find out. Also, she had said all those weeks ago that invitations would be sent and she never did that. Llama was worried that she was not really invited after all, and felt unsure about going.

Finally, as I was on my way home from work, late again, I heard back from the hostess. She indeed wanted Llama to attend, and the party was at 7. I looked at my watch, and it was 6:30. I told her she would be there, but she might be a few minutes late. She said that would be fine. I called Llama, and told her to get ready to go, that I would be home in about 15 minutes or so, and she could leave. I needed to give her a check, so she could make purchases of anything she liked. Luckily, the hostess lives only a few minutes away, so she would not be overly late.

When I arrived home, Llama was getting her keys to leave, and she looked mad. She also was dressed way to casually for my tastes. She stood before me in jeans, a sweatshirt and a ball cap. One of the things I truly love about Llama is that she can go from jeans and a t-shirt to a dress and heels, hair and make-up done to the nines, and fit into any environment.

So, when I saw her standing there, dressed like that for a party, and with the chip on her shoulder, I asked her what was going on and what was wrong. She informed me that she had to get dressed quickly, since she had not heard back from today about it, and that she had already been in her pajamas and ready to relax for the night, and had not planned on going.

I blew my top, rather quickly. I was very angry with her for her presumption, even after I told her she was going, simply because since out discussion she had not heard back from me and she figured that she was not going to attend, despite our earlier conversation.

Not only had she taken it upon herself to incorrectly assume she was not going, but she was not dressed as she should have been. When she is out, whether with me or alone, her appearance to others is a direct reflection upon me. I expect her to be properly dressed for the occasion, whatever that may be. In my opinion, she was not. What ensued was me getting very agitated with her. I raised my voice and yelled at her, that not only should she not have been in her pajamas, thinking she was not going, but she should have been attired better for the event. She tried to offer a feeble excuse that she didn't have much time to get ready after my call, and that was the best she could do on short notice. I again reminded her that earlier in the day I had told her she would be going, and this excuse did not hold up. She began to cry, unsure of why I was so angry with her.

I quickly retrieved a check from the checkbook, gave it to her, and reminded her of the directions on how to get to the house. I then sent her on her way. I am embarrassed about the way she will look when she arrives. There is nothing I can do about it now, there is no time. A few minutes after she left, she called me from the cell phone and asked how much money she was allowed to spend, if any. I asked her why she thought I gave her a blank check if I didn't expect her to buy anything. I told her to get whatever she liked, within reason, and to use her best judgment. She also commented that she felt like she was not dressed appropriate for the occasion after what I had said to her. I told her she wasn't, and that was not something that could be helped at this point. I told her to go and have a good time, and I would talk to her about it when she got home.

I will need to remind her, again, that her appearance in public with or without me, but especially without me, is a direct reflection upon me and I was not at all happy in how she chose to go out tonight. Granted that 30 minutes is not a lot of time for a woman to get dressed to go out for the night, but she could have thrown on a nicer outfit, some make-up and done something with her hair quickly in that time.

This will be a lesson she will have to learn the hard way.

Marked

2005-10-30T15:40:00.000-05:00

Life around here has been very busy for both of us. We've not had a lot of time to ourselves to play. In terms of domination and such, I've kept up with the house work and done the things He's asked but there's been no time for any play, scenes, or even just sex. By the time evening comes, we're both exhausted or He's still working and I have things from work that need taken care of.

We've taken time and spent it together watching a movie and snuggling on the couch, or running errands together, or snuggling in bed before falling asleep. Master and I have also been under the weather which hasn't helped things. I know I'm attractive when I can't breathe and I'm coughing all night.

Friday wasn't the best for me and I cried on Master's shoulder while I was making dinner. The day started out badly from the moment I got out of bed. I had a few drinks, probably more than I should've and was falling asleep as soon as the kitchen was clean. Master and I both turned in early; all I wanted to do was sleep, let the day go, and let the alcohol drag me to sleep. Master had other plans.

As we laid in bed, my getting comfy, Master said something about scratching my back. I think He may have been being sarcastic, I don't remember. But at hearing that, I smiled and flipped onto my stomach and said, "OK." He clips his nails rather short but there's always just enough. He started running His nails up and down my back, scratching it lightly. I giggled and told Him that it tickled and that He needed to scratch harder.

He obliged and began scratching me, pushing His nails into me. I shivered and moaned lightly as He continued, having to draw in a few deep breaths. I squirmed and enjoyed the sensations as He pressed harder and harder; and soon turning into pain. I could feel my arousal growing quickly. I needed Him at that point.

He stopped with me commenting that bad things had happened. I rolled over to go to sleep, figuring He was too tired from the day and all it's stresses. "Strip," was His reply. I did so carefully- not only was I slightly tipsy but I was now in some type of space. It wasn't sub-space but more like a daze. I climbed back into bed and was pushed down to His rock hard cock. I took Him into my mouth and began to suck while He began to scratch me again, even harder now. I had to pull my mouth off to get some air and push my hair aside and was more then eager to get back down to business but Master sat up and forced me onto my stomach.

I felt His body on top me, preventing me from moving or doing as I pleased. He teased me with the head of His cock, rubbing my clit, not entering me all of the way. After what seemed like an eternity, He entered me and began to fuck me with short strokes. I could feel an orgasm already and asked if I could play with my clit. He allowed me to slide both hands underneath me, which prevented even more movement. His hands roamed my body, scratching me, slapping my ass. His nails burned up my back and tingled after He stopped a stroke. His hands found my hair and throat, demanding my attention, His teeth biting me rather hard on my back and shoulders.

With all of this going on, I couldn't focus on my orgasm; I never stopped stroking my clit though. Playing with my clit always adds more depth to my feelings of pleasure. Master bit and chocked me more and more. He pulled out and flipped me over, pulling me to Him and plunging back into me. He pulled my ankles to His shoulders and fucked me hard. For some reason, I always cum fairly quickly in this position; there was no exception this time either. I came within a minute or two with Master following soon after.

Of course, the day came flooding out and I layed there and cried. Master was already tired beforehand, asked me if I was alright. He dozed off slightly after that. I got up a couple minutes later to clean up and get dressed again. I like sleeping naked next to Master but I always get cold and end up waking up several times trying to get warm. I crawled back into bed and into His arms. We snuggled until falling asleep.

Needless to say, His nails and teeth left their mark on me. I proudly sport those marks of ownership around town as I go about my daily routine. Of course, no one can see them, they are well hidden by clothing and far from public view. Nontheless, I know what and who I am, and I know who owns me.

I'll teach you to tease me

2005-10-24T23:56:00.000-04:00

She knows better than to tease me. When I'm in a playful mood, it's fine. If I'm not, look out. Even if I am in a playful mood, if the teasing goes to far, it will eventually turn to something else. This is not a bad thing, in fact it usually turns to something rather vigorous and passionate.

This afternoon she was teasing me on the couch. It was innocent enough, but soon I got tired with it, and I started giving it back. After a few minutes, I announced I was going to lay down to take a nap. I had every intention of actually sleeping for a couple hours. She asked what she should be doing. I told her she could do whatever or, if she liked, she could join me in bed for a nap.

I expected her to come in and lay down next to me in her normal manner and we would both drift off for a later afternoon nap. She had other ideas, and was apparently still in a playful mood. She started pushing, prodding and pinching me. Of course, I didn't allow that to go on too long, before I grabbed both her wrists and restrained her. I gave her a few pinches on her arms and her ass for good measure, as well. That got her more excited than she already was. Soon, she was fighting back just so I would pinch her more, hold her down tighter, and get rougher with her. She was being a brat, and I was loving it.

It worked, and soon she was in a frenzy.......... begging me to take her. How could I refuse... despite the fact I wanted a nap and had things to do later on?

It was not kind, it was not soft, it was not gentle. I grabbed her roughly, yanked her clothes off, and took her hard and fast. She never knew what hit her. It only took about 2 minutes, and she started to squirm beneath me, the sign her orgasm is building. Then she started to squeal, and buck, and her legs clamped around me and she tried to hold me still as I pounded her. It was futile on her part, the more she fought, the harder I thrust in and out of her. Soon, she climaxed and it was over, then it was my turn. I felt my balls tighten, and soon enough I was filling her with my seed. We fell onto the bed in a sweaty heap. Only 10 minutes had passed, and we were spent. Not a bad way to kill an afternoon nap.

Time slips away

2005-10-16T19:06:00.000-04:00

The last week had been filled with normal life events. There has not been much time for anything else. Llama is still well on track with her training and is learning more and more each day about her submissiveness and serving me. It is always nice to come home at the end of a long, hard day and be greeted by her at the front door with a smile and a gleam in her eyes. Usually, I hear something like, "Hello Master, welcome home. Dinner is on and will be ready soon. How was your day?" That leads to a conversation about the events in both our days. I get to hear about what she has done all day, and she listens to me tell her about what I have done.

We have had some long conversations lately about her training and progress. As always, I encourage her to talk to me about her desires, fears, thoughts, and concerns. One such conversation was about the impending piercings. I have agreed to hold off on this for a while to allow her more time to adjust to the concept of it. She expressed real apprehension, but of course said she would do whatever I wished. After carefully listening to her concerns, considering the options, and discussing it with her, I decided that it will be best for her to wait a while longer, and it will not hurt anything to do so. She knows I will never do anything to her that will harm her, and I always want to hear what she has to say.

One other turn of events that was kind of a bummer, was the postponement of the 'play party' we were invited to. I had talked to P last week, and she reluctantly informed me that there were scheduling conflicts with a few of the people that were supposed to attend. So, it will most likely be some time next month before she hosts it. In addition, she had been telling me about her Master & Mistress. She is in an unusual situation and relationship with them.

It would seem that he is a switch. They are a married couple, and he is submissive to her, but when P is with them, he is a top to P who has always been a sub from the day I met her. Additionally, the wife does not play much with P, but mostly sits back and watches or at the party, plays with others. The couple also had another female sub that was in training to them. She has recently requested to be released from their training collar. I have not met any of these people yet, so I am trying to understand the details as P explains them to me. Something to do with differing views on what level of submission she should be giving them. All I know for sure is the P is very happy being collared by this couple, and is anxious for me to meet them.

The other day, Llama informed me that she was in need of some things, mostly some new clothing. She explained that it had been quite some time since she had purchased any day to day clothes for herself. The only recent purchases that I had made for her, or she had made on my instructions, were for lingerie or things to be worn for play, during a session, or for special nights out. So, I instructed her to go out the other day when she was off, and purchase what she needed. She is always hesitant to ask for money, since I control the finances. I assured her it was ok, and gave her permission to spend a few hundred dollars on the credit card to get what she needed. She came back with a bunch of new stuff, but I guess I am out of touch with the fashion world, because I thought she would have been able to get more than what she did for the money. No to say she is not a good and thrifty shopper, I am just amazed at the prices of clothes these days. Well, what do I expect? I wear mostly jeans and t-shirts when away from work, and most of my clothing comes from WalMart and places like that. I am not in to brand names or labels. I only buy clothes for me when I am in dire need of something.

Other than that, not much has been going on. With our individual careers as busy as they are, this last week has not lent any time for play or a session. I hope to remedy that this week. I know we have a few days coming up that our schedules are not going to be as hectic as they have been.

So, that's about it. Didn't want anyone to think we had disappeared or quit writing. We've just both been insanely busy as of late. I will try and update more, or have Llama do it.