So nice to meet you...

Hey there fellow bloggers. I figured it was time to say hello to y’all. As you might have read, my name is Llama. My Master gave me that nickname and I have to say, I love it. All He has to do is say it and I can’t help but smile.

I’m a young woman who has had the pleasure of discovering that she’s a submissive and has been even luckier in finding an amazing Master. He helped me discover that part of myself and is helping me become the submissive I wish to be and that He wants me to be. I did realize early in my sexual experiences that I liked to be controlled in the bedroom. I was never comfortable in taking the lead and preferred to be told what to do. I didn’t know there was a name for it. I also had the very unfortunate experience of someone taking advantage of my submissive tendencies. Thankfully he stopped before he did something really stupid. It was enough to scare the shit out of me though. Master knows the story and I’m glad to I know He’ll never hurt me in that way.

When the subject of D/s relationships came up with us, I was cautious at first. It took a bit of time and research on my part to find out that this is truly how I felt. It is a difficult thing to get used to but it’s something I want. I want to serve Him and give Him everything I am. And in return I will get to experience love that I’ve never known and will always have His protection and guidance.

Right now, we do have our share of difficulties and things will be hard in the future. Master lives seperatly from me and it does make it difficult to maintain our lifestyle sometimes. There are times that I need to be with Him, times that I need Him to comfort me, times that I need Him to correct me, and I can’t have that just yet. Master knows that all He has to do is tell me to move in and I'll start packing.

As He also mentioned, I’ve managed to screw up more than a couple of times. The most serious involved my breaking his trust. For that, I have my share of punishments ahead. I’ve already had one punishment for my indiscretion and I’m not happy with how I handled it at all. After four very brisk strokes with a paddle, I was already begging Him to stop, through my sobbing. My knees damn near went out on me. I’m glad He had given me the option of being restrained. I’m not sure why I handled it so poorly but when he started paddling me, something somewhere snapped.

I found myself very confused all of the sudden. I couldn’t understand why He would paddle me so hard when He loves me so much. I don’t understand how or why He would want to do such a thing. On top of everything, I’m quite stressed out with the spot I find myself in here at my home and I found myself very angry. Angry at Him for hitting me, angry with myself for allowing Him to do so. I still had faint nail marks in my right hand from digging my nails into my palm yesterday. After He had finished, he left me in the room to compose myself and I simply slid down to the floor and sobbed into the carpet. I was so ashamed of myself for not taking my punishment as I should have and ashamed that I hurt Him so badly to warrant him punishing me as such.

I still have punishments coming and Master has told me that they will be worse. Frankly, I’m scared to death but know that I deserve them. I need to know that He has forgiven me. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to forgive myself but only time will heal my Master, our relationship, and me. His handy work can still be seen on my hindquarters and I find that my muscles hurt after walking back and forth all day. Part of me wants to ask for no more punishment but I can’t do that. I know that deserve them even if I can’t handle them. I’m told that they will help me to forgive myself.

Master also mentioned that I have given Him complete control of my choices. This may sound weird to those not familiar with this lifestyle but I’m very comfortable with letting Him make choices for me. He has my best interest at heart. Sometimes it is very hard to listen to him but I dare not disobey. I disobeyed once and thought I lost Him forever. Never again. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. So, I bitch and complain sometimes but ultimately listen.

I still have quite a ways to go until I reach my ‘state of grace’ so to speak. I want to be collared and owned. I have another want along with my collar that will mean just as much in a vanilla sense. I want to be the best slave and woman I can be, for Him and for myself. We both deserve my best effort.

What we’re dealing with in our lives will hopefully only make us stronger. I don’t want to fall apart because of the happenings in our daily lives and hope that we will one day make a life together. Only time will tell whether or not we make it. But I can say that we’ve probably survived in part to our choice to enter the D/s lifestyle. And the other part is due to true love and hope for the future.

Well, that’s my introduction. Master has his hands full with me. But I want nothing more than to make it work. I was afraid to take the leap because I didn’t want to fall. And somehow He caught me and is helping me to fly. Hopefully I’ll be able to fill this blog with our adventures and the great times we’ll have together. It’ll be an on-going story; drama, comedy, sadness, perseverance, anger, hard times, true love, and (hopefully) an ultimately happy ending. And you get to read it all here, from both angles! How lucky are you guys??