Not quite but I'm working on it....

While I wish I had achieved my State of Grace, I haven't; but I'm working on it everyday, every hour.

As Master said, I found some more time to spend with Him and I knew that I would be receiving one, if not both of my punishments. I didn't know He had prepared anything by way of pleasure for me. Anyways, my daily dress is fairly conservative. When Master told me to prepare myself and look like a whore, my heart fluttered and I smiled. I knew what I was going to wear immediately and set about getting ready. Some time back, I was instructed to buy a very short skirt and it being winter, it took a bit of effort but I found it. I would dare not wear it out in public; with my thigh highs on, you can see the top of them and the clips of the garter belt. When I dress like that, I feel so much power and I even walk differently- no, I strut.

As I finished, I walked out to Him and stood in front of Him. I could tell I pleased Him from the smirk that spread across his face. He pointed to my spot and I knelt down, quite proud of myself. Soon, I felt my collar around my neck and the butterflies in my stomach. I imagined that I would be receiving my second punishment this evening and began to mentally prepare for it. Cuffs were soon handed to me and I silently put them on; Master then hooked a leash to the front of my collar. This is new. As much I hated to admit it to myself, that excited me. I took and deep breath and swallowed the shudder I felt coming on. He stood and lead me into the dungeon.

He lead me to the spot and turned me around, facing him, and kissed me gently, touching my face. Damn, I love Him. He went about securing me, placing the ball gag in my mouth, and lastly the blindfold. I was so nervous at this point, my mind racing, not knowing what was coming to me. I felt His face close to mine, his nose against my own. He whispered in my ear that tonight was not for punishment, but for pleasure. I breathed a deep sigh of relief and let my worries go.

He began to work on me slowly, warming me up. I could feel my body and mind beginning to give in. All my worries, stress, and fears slowly faded away and I was drawn into the present. I could only focus on the music and what He was doing to me. Eventually, the music faded away too and I was soaring. It was my first trip to subspace and I loved every single moment. I could not believe what I feeling and experiencing. It felt so amazing that I really can't describe it in words. Thinking about it now, takes my breath away.

Master described what He did- which is good because I don't remember exact things, only what I felt, what He whispered in my ears, feeling Him near me, touching me. I wanted no more than to beg Him to take me right there and then. I needed to feel Him in me, on top of me, but the gag prevented that. He just continued on, sending me deeper and deeper into space. When He stopped, I wanted to beg Him to continue but even after the gag was removed, I couldn't say anything. He let me down slowly, knowing that there was no way I could stand on my own. He held me up while gently releasing my other wrist from above. I wrapped my arms around him so tightly, not wanting to move. I needed to feel Him around me at that point. I needed to know He was there and with me. At one point, He asked if I was able to stand yet and I shook my head 'no.' I wasn't ready to move yet. I just needed to stay in that moment for a bit longer.

After a few more minutes, I could feel my strength returning to my legs and He lead me into the house once again and into His bedroom. I was still up at this point. As He said, He worked on me in the room and sent me off once again. I was a cross country runner back in the day and had experienced "runners highs." This high beat them; I warned Him with a smile, that those trips could become quite addicting if He wasn't careful.

I have honestly never felt more loved and protected. It was amazing.

The next afternoon, I was sent again into space by different means. I wanted to be fucked and used by Him. I can remember begging Him to fuck me and use me like the slut I was. I begged him to hurt me at one point. I needed it, I needed to feel His power over me. It was down right dirty and I thoroughly enjoy every second of it. I remember just moaning and crying out. The angle at which He was at in my ass, caused Him to hit my G-spot repeatedly. I could not believe how great it felt. He fucked me like a little slut, pulling my hair, forcing my face down into the pillow, His hand around my neck at times, pushing me down into the bed.

He leaned over and growled in my ear, "You're enjoying this aren't you, you little slut?"

With the breath I could catch, I moaned, "Yes, Master."

The questions continued: "Who owns you?" "Who owns this ass?"

Thank God they weren't hard questions because I couldn't have put a logical sentence together to save my dear life. When we were done, He rolled off of me and laid next to me, just as spent as I was. He urged me to get closer to Him and buried my face in His shoulder. I managed to say, "I love you Master" before He got up to clean off. It took me some time to come back out of space and I actually spent a few hours there. We had an errand to run and at one point I was just staring out the window of His car- He reached over and snapped His fingers quite close to my face. I turned to Him and I knew what my face said. He asked if I was ok to which I responded 'yes' and He just smiled. He knew I was still out there a bit.

As He also posted, I received my last 2 punishment simultaneously. I was a mess before He even started. After He finished, He unbound my wrists and ankles and laid down next to. He took me in His arms while I sobbed.

"It's over Llama. I still love you very much and you are forgiven."

I cried harder. I was so happy that He had forgiven me but also upset because I hadn't forgiven myself. After a few minutes, He got up and told me to take my time and come out to Him when I had composed myself. I wiped off my face with a cool rag but couldn't stop crying. All I could see was the look of disappointment on His face and knew that I deserved it. I went out and took my spot next to Him on the floor. He asked me what was wrong and I didn't know how to tell Him. Somehow I managed to say that I hadn't forgiven myself and didn't know how.

"You've got to find a way because as far as I'm concerned, the matter is finished and over with. It'll never be brought back up again," He spoke.

Growing up, nothing was ever forgiven and forgotten. There are things that I did years ago and I'm still reminded that I fucked up to this day. I never learned how to forgive myself. Somehow, I found the peace within myself and did forgive myself. We all make mistakes and the real tragedy is when we don't learn and grow from them. I'll never be able to lie to Him again and never intended to do so in the first place.

I really do see nothing but good things in the future for us. My love for Him continues to grow deeper and deeper everyday. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could be with Him all of the time and let our relationship grow and blossom. I'm surprised at the changes I've noticed in myself since the beginning of our relationship. I find myself becoming more confident and outgoing. I've been more comfortable in my own skin.

And I'm in love with an amazing Man. I'm proud that I can call Him my Master.

I love you very much Master, more so than you'll ever know.