From Wednesday Night

The time had come. I had realized it even if she hadn't. She was being more and more brazen lately about asking for things she felt she needed or just plain wanted. I'm not talking about material items - I always give her whatever she wants in that regard. No, I'm talking about spankings, beatings, floggings and the like.

The last few days she's been more and more bratty (if I may borrow an expression from Patty) and been asking for me to tie her up and beat her. I pretended mostly to ignore the comments, and usually changed the subject to something else, but non of them went un-noticed. In fact, I was taking increasing interest to the frequency of the requests and the bold manner in which they were being made.

Something else that had not escaped my attention lately, is the fact that Llama continued to dispute me when I told her how much progress she has made in her training in the last year. Despite me telling her several times, she still doubted what I could easily see.

Yes, the time had come indeed. It was time to show her what I saw, and to remind her who was boss. I made her wonder though. She had read what I had written earlier in the day, so she knew something was planned for that night. She just didn't know what. After dinner was done and cleaned up, and the house straightened back up, I had her sit on the couch while I relaxed in my recliner. I also made her turn her attentions away from the thoughts racing through her mind, and the feelings that I had stirred up earlier that day. I made her watch a movie. And nothing erotic, kinky or pornographic either - a comedy. A classic comedy to say the least, but a comedy nonetheless.

After the movie was over, I instructed her to remove her clothing, out on her collar, wrist and ankle restraints. I then had her go to the bedroom and await me. I didn't make her wait long this time, though. I was in there in just under 5 minutes. I positioned her face down on the bed, and secured her wrists and ankles to the corners of the bed. I asked her if she was ready, and she nodded that she was.

I reminded her that she had asked for this, and did she want to skip it and be untied. She said "No, I asked for it, and now I will take it. I need it." Nothing more was said after that, and I began working her over. I used everything on her at one point or another. I started with the heavy cat-o-nine flogger, then went to the strap, then the paddle, then the cane, back to the flogger, and so on. I beat her ass, back, shoulders, thighs, legs and feet. She was sobbing and squirming, but she never screamed, and she never asked me to stop. She knows if she had, I would have and if that didn't work, she still has a safe word that we have never had to use.

At one point, I used the pumice stick on her like a paddle. It's this rough plastic paddle-looking thing with a handle that is used to get the rough and dead skin and callouses off your feet. It works rather well as a small paddle as well. The rough texture of the plastic makes a fine added element of pain as well as a lovely scratching device.

I worked on her for about 40 minutes from start to finish. Then I untied her and fucked her. Afterwards, she curled up and went to sleep, sobbing, in my arms.

I was up and out to work yesterday before she had a chance to wake up. I got the following e-mail from her during the day yesterday concerning Wednesday night;

Master-

I don't doubt you or our relationship at all. I love you with all I am and I have no idea what I'd do without you. I love the fact you are my Master and that I can come to you and get an answer for any question I have. You're my guardian and the only person I'd follow anywhere. I wouldn't change a thing about us or our relationship. But please do me a favor, keep an open mind when reading this. I know the potential for this being taken wrong.

The thing that I cannot figure out, the thing that is bugging me really bad is how my being in that much pain and sobbing into the bed, gave you pleasure. I was sobbing while you had sex with me because I was so confused and somewhat hurt. Master, it was the last thing I expected you to do.

I almost felt like an object, like I wasn't there, like you didn't care, and I hate feeling that way. It goes completely against everything I know; that I'm not an object (and can honestly say that I don't want to ever be an object) and I know you love me and want to protect me. I just don't understand and I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling this confused. It stirs up feelings and memories that I know are wrong. That's why it's so hard to find the right words to tell you.

It's just something I need to work through in my mind. My love for you and trust in you has only gotten stronger. I understand why I was beaten, I'd been asking for you to do so in a round about way for weeks. I needed it and I realize that. I don't understand the sex afterwards.

Like I said above, I love you more than you'll ever realize. I already feel better for just typing it out and getting it out of my mind. I don't want anything to change. I love things the way they are.

I cannot wait to walk down the aisle and become your wife. I'm excited about picking out a necklace to wear during the day as my collar as well wearing it down the aisle. And I'll be honored when you do find my permanent collar and put it around my neck as I kneel. Please don't worry about me, I'm feeling better already.

love always,
llama


Here is my response to Llama;

While I realize you would rather hear my voice, it is easier to respond in this
medium. It allows me to get my thoughts straight without getting distracted.

The pleasure I began to derive has shown me there is a measure of sadist and
masochist within me that I was not fully aware of, or that I didn't give enough
credit to. The fact that you trust me and do not fear me is good, because I
would never go past what I know you could endure.

The beating you received was as I have told you, for many reasons, the
culmination of which was your final test to me. You proved yourself more than
ready, and more than worthy.

Last night, I didn't have sex with you. I fucked you. There were several reasons
for my doing so. First off, no, you are not an object - and I don't wish you to
be one. If all I wanted was a hole to use to get off, I can get a doll at the
sex shop.

I am not going to list all the reasons I did what I did, but I will tell you a
couple. One of them is that I wanted to break you. I wanted you to be completely
submitted, physically - and you did and you were. Additionally, it was an aspect
of the rape fantasy you said you wished to have. Yes, I know you were thinking
more along the lines of me coming home and ripping your clothes from you
throwing you to the bed and taking you. This way, I do think, had a deeper
impact on you.

One more reason I did what I did was to see where your newer boundaries and
limits were. A year ago, you would not have taken that beating, and you would
never have made it to the sex. Now do you understand? All that I did last night,
was to not only to test you, but to PROVE to you what I know. To show you what you
say you can't see..... how far you've come.

With each day that goes by, I love you more and more. Ours is such a unique
relationship. So many others in this lifestyle would be jealous if they knew all
the aspects of what we have. We're not the richest, or the best looking, or the
most sophisticated - and we don't have to be. You have just created a blog entry
for tomorrow. Your e-mail to me and my response to it will get posted. Then you
will be able to hear what others have to say about how lucky not just you are,
but how lucky WE are.

I too look forward to the day I can see you walk down the aisle, and take your
hand, and walk through the rest of our lives together. Having you at my side
means more to me than you will ever know - but I will try and show you as we
take the journey.


So, I put it to our readers. Are we not lucky? I love this woman, I wish her to be with me forever. I have not only found a wonderful slave, but a lover, soulmate, and partner for life. There aren't many of us that can say that.