"Desire and hunger is the fire I breathe."

Because The Night 10,000 Maniacs

We've once again, been bad bloggers. But there is a rather good reason behind all of this: Master has had some time off and we've been spending those days off, together. We've been going out with friends, doing things around the house, and just enjoying being with each other.

There has been some play lately too. One night found me face down on the bed, getting spanked with a few of Master's favorite implements before He fucked my ass long and deep. I love having my ass fucked and it had been so long since He'd taken it. I was so ready when He started pushing against me that I pushed my hips back and the head of His cock just slid into me. I'm getting flushed just thinking about it! He nibbled and bit my back and shoulders, leaving a few light bruises for us to admire.

Last night, we had settled in to watch a movie and somehow got onto the subject of knots. Master knows how to tie many different knots and secure my happy slave self down to the bed. We had been in a home improvement store earlier in the week and purchased some thick, black rope that I fell in love with as soon as I had seen it. Well, Master decided to tie a noose. It looked so pretty when He was done and I was so turned on by it.

We both took showers to freshen up after a long, warm day and for me to try and relax. It had been one of those days where nothing went right for me so I was rather frustrated by evening. After Master had finished His shower, He laid on our bed and told me that I was only allowed to lick His cock from the bottom of His shaft down. So, I licked Him around His shaft and balls, down to His ass. This couldn't go without me doing something wrong; While I was licking around His balls, I obviously struck a nerve and Master tensed up and yelled out. His face showed His pain as He rubbed, trying to get the pain to stop.

I couldn't win.

Master eventually let me start licking Him, then sucking Him again. We switched positions and He went down on me which I absolutely love!! I tell Him that He has the most talented tongue in the world. However, I couldn't relax enough to fully enjoy it. Usually it takes Him less than a minute to make me cum with the tongue of His but my mind wasn't with my body. I felt bad when He stopped, knowing that He was disappointed.

He stood up and slid the noose around my neck, taking my collar off at the same time. He climbed up my body and slid into me with ease, slowly fucking me. It was a different feeling having such a tightness around my neck the entire time He fucked me. He felt so good being in me but my mind refused to let go of everything. I was on the edge of cumming and sliding into subspace and my mind wouldn't let go.

I was so angry with myself afterwards. Master thought that He'd cum too soon, which He didn't. It was all me and my mind. My body responded and I desperately wanted to respond with it but wouldn't. I felt so guilty as we laid down to sleep that all I wanted to do was cry in His arms and confess.

I haven't been the best slave lately at all. Master tries to give me what I need and all I do in return is get an attitude with Him. We end up yelling at each other and wasting the little time He has free, angry. I'm questioning myself now. It's not Master, it's me. I want so much to get back to that place where I'm open, feminine, soft, obedient, just myself. It just seems like everytime I get back to that place, something happens. Usually I've done something wrong, Master explodes at me, and I close myself back up tighter than before.

I know Master loves owning me and that before we met, it was having a slave that He missed in His life. It was a void that I filled. I refuse to take that away, especially when I know it's what I need in my life as well. We've also never been without M/s in our relationship. I don't want to be without it. I need it, I crave it, I desire it. I've never been so happy in all of my life.

I just don't know why I'm questioning myself. I really don't understand. I need to get off of here and get some work done. I just hope I can find the want to do the work.