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He says that He can't change me and yet He already has.

He has held me up and helped me find strength that I didn't know existed within me. He's softened me in many ways. I carry myself with more esteem and worth. Knowing that He finds me sexy makes me feel amazing no matter what I say. It's just that I can't see what He sees. The changes have mostly been on the inside but they were begging to come out, like a blooming flower; emerging slowly but confidently.

I needed a punishment and have needed one for a couple of days. I wanted to ask for one but the bag had already been put away and getting it back out wasn't an option. You said that I got my punishment and I accepted it, but it wasn't enough. I needed the release, I needed the pain. I still carry the burden of guilt and I know that's it's on Your mind.

The need to be hurt right now is enough to make me hurt. I'm kneeling before You and waiting for You to say the right set of words to set the ball in motion.

Please don't ever question my wanting to serve You. You know how I feel about that. You crossed limits that I had expressed and did so without asking (I didn't expect you to *smiles*). I'd never felt more owned and loved.

I find myself in an almost constant state of submission these days. Along with that comes vulnerability because we aren't together.