Made to Last
I'm happy that I've been able to sit and catch back up on my blog reading this evening while listening to some music that hasn't been heard in a long time. I fell behind this past weekend while we had some family in from out of town. It was a wonderful weekend spent eating, drinking (in my case, a bit too much one night), and enjoying family.
Things with Master and I have smoothed out so wonderfully. I can't believe the headspace that I find myself in now; I'm more comfortable, calm (for the most part), and feeling more feminine. When Master is home, I'm always checking to make sure that He doesn't need anything and constantly looking for things to do for Him before He asks.
I still have my moments though they've been less and less. My PMS has been down to a minimum and I'm thinking that I have my new birth control pill to thank for that. I know Master hasn't minded the lack of mood swings and meltdowns, as Kaya calls them.
The other thing that I've noticed is that I have this insatiable urge to be hurt. I don't mean nibble and twist: I mean yank my hair, slap my face, bruise me with teeth, beat me until I cry and beg You to stop, kind of hurt. Master doesn't beat me or even hurt me every time we have sex. Sometimes we make love but that's also gotten more passionate. He's been more responsive to my need for more and more pain and graciously gives it to me, all the while making sure that He doesn't go too far.
I think that's what has kept me in this space, this happy, smiling, eager-to-serve slave state. Of course when I'm in this state, I'm also more sexual, more open, more revealing in my dress at home. I'm just trying to figure out how I can feel more soft and delicate and at the same time, want to smacked around, used, and hurt.
My dark side has started to enter my mind more and more these days as well. I suppose that it's coming out in my need to be hurt so bad. I started having thoughts of more involved, heavier scenes. My want to go deeper into submission is also growing and that scares me somewhat. I'm afraid of what Master would ask me to do should we delve deeper. I want nothing to do with other people or to be locked up and left alone so I'm not sure how we'd proceed into the deeper aspects of my submission. During these times it's easy to see that I'm still a novice. I don't completely understand how to delve deeper. I do know that I can trust Master and that He'll never make me do anything I truly couldn't handle.
Well, I am also going to try and post more often. Our stats have dropped and that's okay but I'd like to start getting some readers back again. We've been spending more time together and more time dealing with life's little issues that always come up at the worst moments. I'm hoping that Master will be able to start posting HNT pictures again soon. I don't have the pictures stored on my laptop or else I'd post them myself. It just depends on whether He has time or not.
A special thanks to Padme for always finding time to leave us a comment. Master and I appreciate them greatly. Hopefully more people will find their way back to us.
Things with Master and I have smoothed out so wonderfully. I can't believe the headspace that I find myself in now; I'm more comfortable, calm (for the most part), and feeling more feminine. When Master is home, I'm always checking to make sure that He doesn't need anything and constantly looking for things to do for Him before He asks.
I still have my moments though they've been less and less. My PMS has been down to a minimum and I'm thinking that I have my new birth control pill to thank for that. I know Master hasn't minded the lack of mood swings and meltdowns, as Kaya calls them.
The other thing that I've noticed is that I have this insatiable urge to be hurt. I don't mean nibble and twist: I mean yank my hair, slap my face, bruise me with teeth, beat me until I cry and beg You to stop, kind of hurt. Master doesn't beat me or even hurt me every time we have sex. Sometimes we make love but that's also gotten more passionate. He's been more responsive to my need for more and more pain and graciously gives it to me, all the while making sure that He doesn't go too far.
I think that's what has kept me in this space, this happy, smiling, eager-to-serve slave state. Of course when I'm in this state, I'm also more sexual, more open, more revealing in my dress at home. I'm just trying to figure out how I can feel more soft and delicate and at the same time, want to smacked around, used, and hurt.
My dark side has started to enter my mind more and more these days as well. I suppose that it's coming out in my need to be hurt so bad. I started having thoughts of more involved, heavier scenes. My want to go deeper into submission is also growing and that scares me somewhat. I'm afraid of what Master would ask me to do should we delve deeper. I want nothing to do with other people or to be locked up and left alone so I'm not sure how we'd proceed into the deeper aspects of my submission. During these times it's easy to see that I'm still a novice. I don't completely understand how to delve deeper. I do know that I can trust Master and that He'll never make me do anything I truly couldn't handle.
Well, I am also going to try and post more often. Our stats have dropped and that's okay but I'd like to start getting some readers back again. We've been spending more time together and more time dealing with life's little issues that always come up at the worst moments. I'm hoping that Master will be able to start posting HNT pictures again soon. I don't have the pictures stored on my laptop or else I'd post them myself. It just depends on whether He has time or not.
A special thanks to Padme for always finding time to leave us a comment. Master and I appreciate them greatly. Hopefully more people will find their way back to us.
posted by llama at 8/17/2006 06:21:00 AM
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