ISP issues

Sorry gang, no HNT post from yesterday. Our internet service at the house is down, and we couldn't get online to make a post. The weenies at the cable company tell me it could be as long as Tuesday (thanks to the holiday weekend) before they can get a tech out to fix it. We'll make a post soon as possible!!!

Ciao!

Huh?

There's a difference between being bratty to get a rough session, and being a pain in the ass and forgetting ones place. This is what happened tonight. llama stepped way out of bounds, and I had no choice but to yank a knot in her ass. Only problem was, my parents were over for dinner when it happened.

No, my parents are not aware of our lifestyle choice. Despite her outburst and my correction of her behavior, they still are not aware of it. Allow me to expound.....

llama talked to me at work yesterday and told me that her power cord for her laptop had melted after she started using her new fan pad I had bought for her computer to keep it cool. She thought it was because of the fan pad was causing heat to direct out the back of the computer and it over-heated her power cord. I disagreed. I tried to explain to her that she can't keep her laptop plugged in 24/7. I have talked to her about it several times in the past. I told her that it was most likely the reason for the 'melt-down'. Tonight, she argued with me, saying she doesn't leave her power cord plugged in all the time. I said she did, and that it was plugged in right now, and she hadn't used her computer since this morning. She said it wasn't plugged in. I reached down behind the recliner and pulled the plug up - it was plugged into the power strip. I told her she was wrong, it was plugged in, had been plugged in all day, and that was what I was talking about.

She got mad and started talking back. I cut her off. I told her she was wrong, and in the process raised my voice to emphasize my point, also commenting on how much it would cost me to replace it for her. She got flustered and stomped out of the room and back into the kitchen to finish making the side dishes for dinner, I was grilling chicken outside.

After a few minutes, I went into the kitchen to talk to her. She was visibly upset and had tears in her eyes. I genuinely felt bad for having lost my temper with her and having yelled at her in front of my parents. I was trying to apologize to her for it. She was still pissed off, gave me attitude and 'that look'. I said forget it, and walked out and sat in the living room with my parents.

My mom said something to me after a few minutes about her not talking to me, and not answering her when she asked if help was needed in the kitchen. I told my mom she was mad at me, and she said I should apologize. I explained that I had tried and that she was being stubborn. Finally, after a little bit, she was over it and talking to me again about the time dinner was ready.

Later on, after dinner was done and my parents had left, we sat down to talk about it. I explained to her why I had gotten mad, that she was out of line, had forgotten her place, and that I was disappointed in her. She was still defiant, and trying to continue the argument. I stopped it short. I reminded her of the facts. Of who and what she is, who and what I am, and what I expect of her despite where we are and who is there.

She admitted she was wrong for how she acted, and agreed that she was out of line. Despite that, she is still clinging to a small sliver of defiance and has chosen to go into the bedroom to watch TV instead of sitting with me in the living room. This too shall be dealt with in due course.

HNT

So, it's HNT once more, and once more I am late in getting a pic posted. It's been really hard for me to keep up. First, a pic - then some thoughts from me......



Now, I have a few thoughts. 1st of all, I want to thank all of you for your support. Over this past weekend, we passed 10,000 visitors. Thank you, thank you, thank you! It's hard to believe, that in less than a year, we've had over 10,000 people interested in what we are writing about! We started the blog last February, but didn't add the counter until the beginning of August. Pretty cool. We're actually quite flattered. Despite the fact that recently work demands have kept me from writing as much as I used to, many of you have stuck with us. So, again I say thanks and ask you to bear with me a while longer. Hopefully, I will get back to some regularity in my writing.

Despite the increase in my time working lately, llama and I have found some time for some intense fun. We've had a few very good sessions lately, and she has been doing very well with everything she has been instructed to do. She has gotten back to her old self, as far as her pain tolerance and pain desires are concerned. She's back to begging for more and more each time.

One more subject I wanted to address is a post llama made a couple weeks ago. She mentioned that we have talked about a threesome with another woman involved. When she and I first got together, being with a woman was something that she expressed a serious interest in. As we became more serious and commited to each other, she has told me that she does not feel as comfortable with the thought of bringing another woman into bed with us. I understand her reservations. I wish to take a moment to rebut a few comments that were made after she made that post.

I will NEVER harm llama. Physically, I inflict pain on her for the purpose of pleasure during a session. I would never harm her physically outside of that, and certainly not emotionally. This issue is one we will continue to talk about, but in the end, if she is that uncomfortable with the idea, and her desires have changed - I NEVER would make her do something she did not want to do. Despite that she is my sub, I her Master, and that she has vowed to do as told, I will never make her do things she does not want to do.

I wanted to threesome more for her then me. I would very much love to see her with another woman. I would be content to simply watch, and not actually participate. But, as I said, if she does not want to have that fantasy fulfilled any longer - I will respect her wishes and not force her into it.

Insatiable

Oh goodness, my sexual appetite has been just that lately. I cannot get enough of Master, His cock, His touch, His lips. It's terrible!!!! We've had more sex in the past week than I can count. For more than a couple of the days, we've had sex at least twice. I'm exhausted but I'm left wanting more!!!

Master has also taken to marking me quite effectively. *smiles and blushes* My back poses a challenge in that it isn't bruising as well as it used to. More often than not, I'm left with beautiful teeth impressions and nail marks down my back.

The past week has found me in our car, shirt up, breasts exposed, pants and thong down around my ankles, masturbating as Master drove down the road. Can we say HOT!?!?!? I was dripping wet by time we pulled in the driveway and got into the bedroom. He fucked and marked me furiously.

Last night, we were laying in bed and I begin being a bratty. I definitely had my own motives in this...lol. I got on top of Master and began fucking Him. I love this position because it allows for Him to play with my tits. He started out by pinching and nibbling them. I moaned and rode Him all the harder.

Soon, the pushing, pulling, biting, and slapping began. It all got to be a bit much but as I would stop fucking Him, He'd take over. It hurt and felt good at the same time; my body and mind were so confused that I couldn't get the right word out, the word that would make everything stop. Part of me didn't want to say it because as bad as it hurt, the tiniest part of me was having trouble getting the words out of my mouth.

Every time that I'd get the wits about me to say my "safeword" that will bring all activities to a complete stop, He would bite or slap my tits or ass so hard that instead of a word, a gasp would come out. It was sensory overload; too much happening at once, too much pain in too many different places.

It was interesting that even though I wanted to make everything stop, I was okay afterwards. I didn't break down, I didn't withdraw or pull away from Master. Have I moved into another realm of my submission? Has it really gotten that much deeper since the last wayward scene that I can just move on?

I'm at a loss but calm. Surprised and loved. Master is off at work today and I have found some free time to get this done and out. I really need to get back to my work and get a couple things done before lunch.

And I cannot wait for Master to get home later tonight...lmao. Although I think that it'll probably be a good idea to take a night off. My pussy, tits, and back will be grateful...*smiles*

HNT

Well, it's Half-nekkid Thursday once more. Recently, llama has been somewhat bratty. She's been trying to 'push my buttons' in an attempt to get a good spanking and some hard BDSM time from me. It worked. I gave her what she had been begging for the other night......



Evidence of old bruises still healing.....



A well spanked ass for the pain slut she is......



Enjoy. Ciao!

All I See is You

Things are finally starting to clam back down around here, at least for me. Of course, I have work sitting next to me on the couch right now but it can wait just a little longer. I have something on my mind.

The other morning, Master informed me that I was going to have a foot and leg massage. After working on my feet all day long, this was going to feel amazing. It was to be done by a mutual friend of ours and would take about an hour. I was excited! I was lucky enough to have gotten a full body massage a few years ago so I knew I'd leave feeling delicious.

I arrived, and after a few formalities, was shown the room. The woman let me get ready and off came the pants and shoes. I laid back on the table and settled in. If you've never been on one, they are quite comfortable. She came in and got started on my feet.

As she rubbed and stretched, she ask about the pressure level and if I was feeling enough. It occurred to me rather quickly that I felt a bit out of place; I am so accustomed to serving Master and doing things for other people that I hardly ever treat myself. I'm not use to someone asking me how things feel and if it's good enough.

I also kept thinking about how Master would've benefited much more from this massage than I was. I paid attention to the massage strokes and tried to remember as much as possible so that I could use them on Master. Finally I told myself to shut up and enjoy the massage! Master wanted this for me and not to waste it thinking of other things.

The massage felt fantastic and I left feeling much more relaxed. With everything going on, the relaxation didn't last long. The day was moving along and quickly leaving me behind. There were a lot of things on my mind.

One main thing was that I couldn't help but wonder if I'm more submissive than I realize. Of course there are some days when I wonder if I'm submissive at all. I read a variety of other blogs and almost all are blogs that submissive women keep. I read the things that they do and what their Masters do to them.

Sometimes what I read makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I've expressed to Master that I could never be treated as merely an object with no feelings and only around to be used. I'm a human being in need of love, affection, and validation. I'm not putting those down who wish to be objects, to each their own. It's something that breaks my heart at the very thought.

There are things that Master wants to do that are hard limits with me. I'm sitting here tearing up at the thought. Do my hard limits make me less submissive because I don't want something Master does? Doesn't every one have their limits? Will I ever be able to give Him everything He expects? There are many dimensions to some of my limits. Some of the things I use to want, I no longer want, no longer desire.

Master wishes to bring in another woman into our bed. At the beginning of our relationship, I was indeed curious as to what it was like to be with another woman. I expressed this. However, we are now in a very committed relationship. Dynamics have changed. I am no longer curious but Master says He wants to do it for me because I wanted it. Master satisfies me completely; I haven't the want of another person anymore.

We've gone back and forth over this issue. Every time I end up in tears and we have usually argued about it. I cry because He refuses to let it go, refuses to accept the fact that it's something that no longer interests me. And I know, I'm submissive but in my mind, if He wants to bring someone else in that badly, than I'm not giving Him everything He wants. I cry because a relationship to me, is two people and no one else. Bringing another in our bed is wrong. Any way you put it to me, it's cheating in my mind.

And frankly, it scares me. He asked what would happen if He brought another woman home. Every time He says that, it hurts down to my very core. I cringe and want to duck away like I've been punched in the gut. That means He'd been in contact with her and shared intimate things about us. That He's had to have met her beforehand, at least once. That hurts.

*I must say now that this has not happened. These are merely the thoughts that have passed through my brain on more than one occasion.*

How can I be submissive if I'm staunchly against this? I can't make it work in my mind. But I can't seem to think of myself and will put everyone else above my wants and needs. Master is the center of my universe and I live my days trying to please Him and make myself a better person. How do I bring this to a happy medium?

I can't accurately describe that pain this causes within me. I love Master more than I love myself. He has given me the world. He has made me into a person that I can actually love. I can look at myself in the mirror most days. He makes me laugh and has taught me how to live a normal life and have normal relationships with the people around me. But what happens when I can't give Him what He expects?

Well this post kind of went in a direction I didn't expect it to. I wanted it to be about whether I was submissive and how much so. I didn't plan on it getting so deep into one issue. But, that's what spilled out when I began. I cried my way through it. I guess it's there because the matter weighs heavily on my mind some nights. It makes me question everything that I've become in the past year and a half.

It's difficult and I still struggle with some of the choices I can no longer make. I want Master to take more control and yet I don't. Am I the only one stuck in an endless state of unbalance?