Normalcy

Ah, things around here have returned to normal. For the first couple of days after my punishment, I wasn't sure if I had be completely forgiven. He didn't have me kneel in front of Him afterwards this time. But, it seems I have been and things are good.

As always, we have an active sex life (like you can't tell!) and that's been amazing as of late. A couple night ago, Master ordered me into one of my new outfits. I really cannot remember the details of what happened before we ended up in the bedroom but I want to mention what happened once we got there.

When we have sex, things have been getting more and more rough. More slapping, biting, scratching, smacking, and Him actually slapping my face. Now, as a disclaimer, Master never slaps me hard. It is something I like and have come to enjoy. There are never any marks on my face when we are done. But, things have gotten rougher and I love it. I've also noticed that as things have gotten rougher with sex, they have gotten sweeter, more passionate, and even more gentle when we make love. *smiles*

Back to the other evening- We ended up in the bedroom, Master on top of me with my ankles on His shoulders. He was fucking me good and I could tell from His breathing that He was getting so close to cumming. All of the sudden, He pulled out and moved up my chest. I sat forward as He stroked Himself to orgasm and tried to take Him into mouth. I succeeded for a moment and was met with His hand shoving my head back down, and Him pulling His cock back out. He came all over my face and neck. I looked up into His eyes as He spurted on me. I figured that I could be even more of a slut and took His cock into my mouth, sucked Him off, with Master leaning His head and moaning loudly. I licked Him around, tasting the both of us, and sucked the rest of the cum out of Him. Yummy...

Apparently Master likes facials and He found me "very sexy" afterwards. I giggled, knowing that He had enjoyed Himself and that I had pleased Him. The past few days have been filled with making love and having rough, hot sex. Last night, I was allowed to suck Him and ride Him. This gives Him a break, lets me control the pace (most of the time), and gives Him unrestricted access to my tits. I came after He starting commanding it, with His hands around my throat; another thing that I absolutely love! I will hold my breath on my own during sex but it's so much more fun when He does it for me - it also gives Him a lot of control.

Mmm...I came twice while I was riding Him and once after He got on top of me. We laid there for a couple minutes after He came; I didn't want Him to move just yet. I love the feeling of Him on top of me and in me. It must be the physical way He's controlling me, the feeling of His body on top of me, my having little movement and control, and the fact that I feel so close to Him on all levels, after we have sex or make love.

Perhaps, all of the good that has been experienced stems from my last punishment. It was honestly the hardest thing I'd ever done but I've never felt better. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of our relationship and where I belong. There are still times when I'm confused or upset but they are less in degree and duration. It's finally making sense and making me feel amazing and loved. I can't wait to see what else lies in store for Master and I and I hope that we can stay as strong as we are now and get stronger as time goes on.

Screw ups, pain, and redemption

Master wants me to write about what happened the other day as part of my punishment. I'm not sure He realizes how much this going to hurt but it's something He wants done - here goes nothing. I started this the day after all this happened, and saved it. I then went back today and added to it, including the events of yesterday.

The day started out quite nicely. I felt good and had actually gotten enough sleep the night before. I was in a good mood and enjoying the very warm day. Master had instructed me to call Him when I was done with my errands to let Him know I was home. I did as such. This is where it goes down hill.

As I've posted before (and Master has posted) it's been decided that at some point, He wants to bring in another woman. We've talked about a threesome, or maybe just me and her alone. I don't think I am ready for this. I had, in the past, wondered what it would be like to sleep with another woman but I didn't want to be in any type of committed relationship if it happened. This topic stirs up some not-so-nice emotions in me. He made a mention of something along those same lines to me on the phone and I just didn't like it. I got very, very uncomfortable and said that, "I wish you would've waited until you got home to talk about this." The phone conversation ended amicably. At some point, I got online and we started chatting.

I mentioned that talking about that subject made me uncomfortable, that even in this relationship, knowing that He'd never hurt or endanger me, having someone else in bed with us still worries me. On another level, I want to do it for Him to please Him but my heart and mind get in the way.

He made a humorous comment, and I took it the wrong way. I started getting upset and when that happens, I get defensive. I said something that He took the wrong way and got angry with me. He told me some things He wanted me to do before he got home, and to go do them. He had called me afterwards to tell me a few other things, and I wanted to finish the conversation so I could let go of how upset I was but He couldn't...He was at work.

By the time He got home, the angry and stupidity had gone and all I wanted to do was apologize. He wanted to know what I wanted to say on the phone earlier. I couldn't remember most of it because I was angry and I wanted to apologize on the phone. It wasn't good enough. I got upset again and was shaking. He asked again what my problem was. I told Him that I was afraid of what He thought of me and I asked if He still loved me. That made things worse; He wanted to know what kind of SOB I thought He was that He'd stop loving me over this. I cried harder - all I wanted was to hear Him say that He loved me, hug me, and say that we'd talk later on after dinner. But I sobbed harder, causing Him to question me more. He has always told me that I can tell Him anything, that I can be open and completely honest so I was. I said that I was afraid that this would cause Him to kick me out.

This made things twenty times worse. Once again, He asked why He'd kick me out over a fight and I must not think very much of our relationship to have said something like that.

Ouch. There's the hurt again. In my past, anytime that there's been trouble with me, those closest to me haven't stuck around. They'd basically throw their arms up and tell me to deal with whatever was wrong. I was never worth the trouble. These feelings linger in this relationship but only when we fight. My telling Him how I felt was honest - I just don't feel like I'm worth it sometimes. My defenses went right back up. I tried to just stay out of His way.

We tried for sex later that night, and my mind was just not on it and my heart was not into it.

At bedtime, we both made our way into the bedroom quietly. He sat His alarm clock and did a little dance. I smiled at Him, thinking about how much I really did love this goofball. I then decided to ask whether or not He believed me when I said that I still wanted to serve Him. I wasn't prepared for the answer and probably should've just kept my mouth shut.

"I don't know what to think right now."

Yeah, there's that pain again. It felt like a knife had been taken and pushed into my chest, then twisted. I rolled away and curled up from the feeling of having my breath knocked out. To protect myself from what else He was going to say, and to stay away from His gaze. Now, it had just become A LOT harder to look Him in the eyes.

Really quite wrong and selfish of me.

In the morning nothing was said as He was getting ready for work. I laid in bed, having been awake since before His alarm went off, staring into space, trying to figure out how I could manage to screw up so terribly. As He was getting ready to leave the room, I asked if He was okay and was given no answer.

When He ignores me, I feel completely worthless. I'm not worth His answering my question. My heart completely sank. My job is to serve Him and I was only hurting Him, angering Him. How did I get everything so wrong?? The physical symptoms were too much; my chest hurt, my head was pounding, and my stomach was in knots. As soon as I stood up out of bed, I knew I was going to be sick. I got into the bathroom, turned on the fan and shut the door quickly. At least my stomach wasn't bothering me anymore.

I thought about getting back into bed but I needed a Tums, my throat and stomach were now on fire. I walked out as quietly as I could and got one from my purse and headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't hold the glass; I didn't want Him to hear the ice rattling. I quickly went in and say on the couch.

"Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I stop loving you."

I cried, making sure I didn't get any on His shirt. He kissed my check and forehead. I still couldn't look up into His eyes. We said our "I love you's" and He headed off to work. That's all I really wanted Him to do when He had gotten home the day before.

My day today has been spent mostly in anguish and confusion. We both lost our tempers over something really stupid and in the confusion, He questioned my submission. I think that's what still hurts today is the fact that He doesn't trust my submission. When the time comes that someone else does join us in bed, I will be ready but nervous. He wouldn't do it before I was ready and I know that. I'll do what He tells me and probably end up enjoying it. We'll be fine afterwards too.



***As much as I hate to admit it, writing this has made me feel better. I had a little doubt in the beginning, can't you tell? I guess I needed to process everything that had actually happened so I could understand where we both went wrong. I'm trying desperately not to apologize and take everything onto my shoulders - I'm not sure that is the correct course of action. On some level, I will be punished by Master and that will clear the air of everything. I just hope that after this, He doesn't question my submission. That was never the intent of me in becoming uncomfortable with a situation.***

I love you Master and I do still want to serve you with all that I am. That's the only way that I can truly be who I am and the only way for you to see that person. You own me. I do whatever you want, whenever you want, and however you want. I'm yours. I'll do what you ask and have been trying my hardest to be the best submissive I can be.

I love you.

@~~~llama~~~@



Yesterday was a day filled with a lot anxiety although there was a sense of peace because I knew what was going to happen; I knew a punishment was coming my way but knew that afterwards, all would be said and done and nothing would be mentioned again and we'd be just fine.

I had to wait for Master to get home for work and often, that's the worst part. I wasn't sure if He was still angry, if He'd speak to me. I spent the time pacing around, trembling, and trying in vain not to bite my fingers. Finally I sat down and tried to pass the time by checking my mail and the blogs I read. Not too much longer after that, I heard Him come in the front door. I was too nervous to say anything or move for that matter so I stayed put. He came in and we talked about what had happened at work and such. He let me know that there were errands to run and off we went.

We stopped into the store and picked up some things we needed. I just followed and helped carry what we needed. He didn't grab a shopping cart so I figured that it'd be a short stop. As we were walking, He grabbed a stray cart and headed towards the ladies underwear. He began to look through the various pairs of thongs, boy shorts, and matching sets of bras and panties. He decided that we were going to start adding to my collection of lingerie.

All sorts of cute, lacey, and sheer panties were chosen. He picked out a red bra and its matching pair of boy shorts which are very sexy. I also have a set consisting of a bra/tank top and its matching thong - this set being black and very pale pink. Once again, quite sexy looking. Master did most of the choosing. I ended up with about 3-4 new pairs of thongs, a new bra, two sets, a couple of tank tops (which Master finds appealing), and more thigh highs. This little shopping excursion was the last thing I would've expected, especially yesterday. As we got in the car, He told that I would be modeling everything for Him once at home.

After we got home, I thanked Him. He replied, "Just because I'm upset doesn't mean I quit loving you and doing things for you. I wanted to start expanding your collection."

I went into the bedroom and began to go through everything and model for Him. He enjoyed them all. The last thing I tried on was my black, lace set, black thigh highs, and heels. Master really enjoyed this outfit and called me over to Him. I stood in front, then turning around. He ran His hands up and down my body, stroking and caressing. Soon, I was kneeling in front of Him, sucking of cock. I sucked, licked, and played with His balls just as He enjoys. I was determined today, not to let my mind think too much and ruin being with Him.

"Stand up and turn around."

I did so and soon had the command to sit down. I reached behind and grabbed the shaft of His cock, moving myself over Him and slowly working Him into me. Once He was in me, He used the rocking action of His chair to fuck me. We stayed like this for a few minutes, my working up and down and Him rocking forward and backward. What an amazing feeling...*smiles*

He ordered me into the bedroom where we finished fucking on the bed. God I just crave Him sometimes. I stripped out my lingerie and got back into some sweats and one of the tanks He bought me, and no bra. He had some work to do outside and started to get ready for that. Before He went out the door, I asked what He thought of the draft I wrote about what had happened.

"I didn't like it...well, I didn't like the way things unfolded. It had nothing to do with your writing."

"Well, am I getting a punishment later?"

"Yes."

He went out to do the yard work while I got some things done in the house. The evening went on with each of us showing more affection and getting past the tentativeness. When something happens, I always miss the affection, the attention from Him. I miss just being with Him. Not soon enough, Master gave me directions and sent me to the bedroom. I had to leave the tank top on, ankle and wrist cuffs, and my collar. When He was ready, He had me kneel and face the wall in the bedroom while He set the ropes up.

"Do you have anything to say."

Of course I did but I didn't want to; I was afraid of how He was going to react, what He'd think and say. I expressed this and He asked again. I told Him that I didn't understand why I was being punished. He said that I didn't do what He asked of me and I asked 'When?'

He continued with a sigh, ordered me to stand and applied the nipple clamps, and ordered me onto the bed, face down. As He tied me down, I just started to cry. I really didn't understand why but knew it was going to happen regardless, and the nipple clamps were pressing into my chest. After He was done, I heard Him open the medicine cabinet and walk back to the bed. He poured the warming liquid all over my back and down the backs of both my legs, pausing to rub it in. I almost began to panic and started to cry louder. I knew that it was going to hurt worse because of the oil.

"Why are you crying already?"

"Because I know it's going to hurt worse with the warming liquid Master."

"That's the point, this is an object lesson."

"But I still don't understand why I'm being punished!"

"Because you have not been listening, or behaving, as expected."

With that, He turned around, turned out the light, and left the room. I began to sob. Whenever He leaves me like that, I feel abandoned. I needed Him to be in there with me and I needed Him to punish me. I have no idea how long He left me there but I sobbed the entire time. Every thing hurt; my head, my heart, my soul...He returned and began to untie my wrists and ankles. I didn't understand. I apologized for ruining whatever He had planned. I thought that I had pissed Him off again because of telling Him the truth. I asked if He was going to punish me.

"This was your punishment - facing your demons alone."

I sobbed that it didn't work and that I didn't know how to get rid of them. He told me that I needed to figure that out myself. I just laid there and sobbed. I rolled onto my side and curled up into a ball. I can't describe what I felt but it was dark and painful. I just cried.

Eventually I asked if I could take the clamps off and was allowed. The pain was incredible with my one nipple turning dark on the tip. I just laid there and cried until there weren't any tears left and then I just laid on the bed. Master seemed to have lost some patience and walked into the doorway...

"Are you going to stay in here all night?"

I shook my head 'no' and laid there for a few more minutes. Slowly I got up, rinsed my face off, and rejoined Master out in the living room. It took some time but eventually I felt better and got back to being myself. As I got ready to go into bed, Master told me to get the massage stuff ready; I did so and waited for Him to come in. He walked in and stripped down to nothing and laid face down on the bed. I massaged His back, then His front. As I finished, Master told me to suck Him again. No argument here.

I sucked and licked and did all the things my Master likes. Soon enough, He was hard and throbbing in my mouth. "You may stop now. You're doing a good job but I know you're getting tired." By this time, it was coming up on midnight. I asked what He was going to do about "that" pointing at His hard cock. He told me not to worry about it and smiled.

"But master, You get blue balls...and so do I," I said with a sly smile.

"Well, get a condom and the lube. I'm going to fuck your ass."

Oh, yeah! You don't have to tell me twice. I got what he asked for and waited for Him. He order me onto the bed, pulling my pants and panties down as I crawled forward. I heard Him open the condom wrapper and soon felt the cold lube running down the crack of my ass. He slowly began to work the head of His cock into my ass. At first, it's always uncomfortable and usually hurts a bit. Master took His time working His cock in, laying His body down on top of mine. That always makes me feel dominated, owned, and protected. As He laid down, He slid further in and began to work back out and in again. Quickly, the pain subsided and the pleasure took over.

Holy shit I forgot how good anal sex feels...Mmmm! I began to push back into Him which brought out all the naughty things He whispers and growls into my ear...furthering my fall into space. I love to hear Him because He's the only thing I'm focused on; he's the only thing I can concentrate on. He started fucking my ass deeper and harder, eliciting moans and growls from deep inside me somewhere. To me, anal sex is always more raw and animalistic...so hot and passionate.

I was so far gone and just soaring as Master fucked me and used me. It was amazing - I was so turned on and so into what we were doing. It was fantastic! As He rammed into me, His smacked my ass and bit my shoulders and back, leaving me with nice little memories on my shoulders this morning. He scratched His nails up and down my hips and back and reached under my chest, grabbing and pinching my tits. He pulled my hair and used it as leverage. I was so incredibly turned-on and enjoying the wonderful feeling of having my ass fucked. It beings such a nice little smile to my face....

After Master came with a groan and growl, He rolled off of me. Unfortunately I'm hesitant about anal sex because it usually is bit messy but it doesn't bother either of us. He got up straight away, cleaned up, and started a shower for me. I could barely move, my mind was so far gone, my body wore out. I stumbled into the shower and cleaned off. I was so calm and content when I slid into bed and under the covers. My mind and body were finally at ease and relaxed. Master came in and joined me in bed. I snuggled up to Him and felt right back in my zone, my space.

We are just fine. All is good in my world again. My mind is clear and sharp. Master really does know me so well and always gives me exactly what I need.

Barenaked

Wonders never really cease.

A few evenings ago, Master and I had a free night and decided to go out to a bar for a few drinks and relax. Master had told me earlier in the day what He wanted me to wear and that He wanted my hair and make-up done. After He told me what to wear, I asked if He would spank me before we went out. "I'll think about it."

As the day went on, things got a little hectic with running around I had to do. By time Master had gotten home, I was a little stressed out but happy to see Him. I was trying to figure out exactly what to wear so He could approve as He was getting ready for a shower. I was being a bit snotty when I stepped into our closet and was rewarded by Master taking a fist full of hair and pulling me out into the room. He pulled me across His lap and spanked. As I laid there, He alternated between spanking my ass and rubbing my pussy through my jeans.

Damn it.

I could feel the stress starting to melt away and that familiar warmth spreading. I'm not sure how many swats I got but they did their job. He showered while I finished getting dressed. He approved of my final choice of clothing, hair, and make-up (like I had any doubt). We headed out the door into a beautiful night.

I've begun to notice that I have submissive tendencies that I just attributed to manners. I almost always let Master walk in front of me and I follow ever so slightly behind and usually to the right side. This isn't something He demands, just something I do. There are times when I do walk next to Him but He always decides which way we go. I tend to think that this is just a habit for Him too; it's natural that He leads. But in true class, He always holds the door for me.

The bar we ended up at was fairly busy, more so than I would've expected for the middle of the week but everyone deserves the right to drink and be merry. We took a table that was almost in the corner of the room. I was a high top and I wanted to stand for a few minutes and stretch my legs so it worked out. As I looked over their drink menu, Master began to rub and stroke my ass. No one was behind us. He then began to stroke between my ass cheeks and legs. God, He was turning me on.

Not fair. *smiles* Yes, I know, life is not fair.

I turned and whispered that He'd better stop or bad things were going to happen.

"Like what?" He said with a smile.

I whispered softly into His ear, "You're going to get it later."

"Oh yeah?"

I just smiled and went about looking for a drink to start the night off with. After our order was placed I began to just watch the people in front of us. The women were all just flirting and moving from one guy to another. The men were putting moves on the woman who happened to be in front of him. I was also be eyed by other men. Jeans, heels, and a slightly tight shirt will do that ya know. As we watched these people, He wrapped His arm around my waist. Whether it was just a gesture of love, perhaps instinct to show other men that I was not available, to keep me safe, or a combination of the three, it made me feel good. He pulled me close and would kiss my neck, or bite my shoulder. We flirted and drank.

But as I stood there, wrapped in His strong arms, it suddenly came to me that I was so happy to be with Him, to be owned by Him. I was watching a virtual 'meat market' but I knew that I wouldn't be bothered, that I would never again have to worry about being in that type of scene. I've never felt more safe and submissive at the same time. I turned my headed and whispered softly;

"Do you have any idea how happy I am right now, happy that we're together and happy that you own me?"

I pulled back to look Him in the face and got to see that sweet smile, the one He only shares with me. I got to see His beautiful brown eyes soften.

"Why?" He asked gently.

"Because I have never felt more safe in my entire life."

I knew no one would even get close to me. It was a moment that was completely unexpected and so welcome. I just melted and became that vulnerable, feminine woman; I could because Master was there. I smiled and giggled the rest of the night. He rarely left my side and even when He did, I felt like everyone in the room knew better than to come over. They knew to just pass by, knew that they had no chance in hell.

As the night drew to a close, we headed back home. The ride was quiet and mellow. I was just enjoying the moment and enjoying the effects of a couple of drinks. We got ready for bed and soon we were laying next to each other in the dark, talking about the evening. I giggled and told Him that He had been teasing me in the bar. For that, He rolled over and began to nibble on my nipple and rub my clit through my panties. I moaned softly.

"Ok, good night," He said. I scoffed. He continued, "How about that for teasing?"

I responded by covering back up and rolling over.

He grabbed my arm, smacked my ass, and growled, "I didn't tell you that you could cover back up and I didn't tell you that you could move." 'Now I'm in for it' crossed my mind and I smiled into the dark room.

We ended up having passionate sex. He used His tongue on my clit to the point where I had to beg Him to stop. He then climbed on top on me (God, I love that feeling! How to describe it...mmm) and slid into me. He fucked me, pulled my hair, nibbled, and called me His slut. Damn it felt good to finally get that release from Him teasing me, finally able to have Him in me, using me.

After we'd finished, I snuggled up to Him and laid my head on His shoulder. I felt so much love for Him. It's moments and nights like this one that remind me that I'm His, that I'm happy to be His, and that there has been nothing so right in all of my life.

What's been going on

After our little sex-fest last Sunday, we were both pretty content for a few days. That didn't stop us from having some very heated and passionate love making very late the other night, when we should have been sleeping! It's always a fabulous change of pace to make love, instead of having sex, or having a BDSM session. We still have some aspects of our life that are quite vanilla, despite living in a D/s relationship 24/7.

In the upcoming weeks and months, I plan on making some purchases for our collection of toys and accessories. I have a few items that I want to get for Llama, and for me as well. In addition, I have been browsing through various sites to decide what type of restrainment apparatus I want to get. After looking at many different items, I have narrowed the field down a bit, and a few things I have seen I have decided I can build myself just as well as the commercially sold items and do it cheaper than what they are selling it for.

I also plan on turning Llama loose with some cash to make some purchases on her own. There are several items of attire that she either needs to replace or acquire. Many of our sessions are very, well - shall we say, vigorous? Testament to that is the fact that Llama does not have a single pair of thigh-highs left that are not torn, ripped, or have runs in them. Wearing thigh-highs is a mandatory part of her attire most times I tell her to dress for me. One would say I have an affinity, or fetish, for them. Something rather lovely about a beautiful woman in thigh-highs and heels, with or without a garter belt. Very, very nice. Much more appealing to me than pantyhose. In addition, she is in need of a greater selection of lingerie. Again, a mandatory pre-requisite for her to have. All of what she has, which is a nice little collection, is in good shape, but I firmly believe that variety is the spice of life. Therefore, I want new and different things for her to wear, instead of the same things over and over. Of course, there are a few things she has and wears that are the 'old standbys' as it were. Items and outfits that I truly love, and never tire of. So, I foresee some trips to Victoria's Secret and other shops in our near future. Oddly enough, I don't mind going shopping with her for stuff like that. Normally, I hate to shop, period. I hate going shopping for regular clothes and groceries and stuff like that, as most men do. But when it comes to buying toys, lingerie and things of that nature, I'm all for a day of shopping. Luckily, where we live, we have several independent stores we can shop at, along with a couple of the national chain stores.

She also has expressed the desire to get a new corset. Well, to be fair, the one she has I would classify more as a bustier than a corset. Don't get me wrong, I like the one she has, but I do so love a true corset, as well. Llama so loves the feeling of being constricted, that we both agree it's time for her to get a real one. Only problem is, of the several sites that we have looked at together, they are very, very pricey - like several hundred dollars each. She is not looking for anything really fancy or elaborate, either. If anyone out there knows of a good place to get a quality corset at decent prices, please let us know! So, we'll be looking at some of those in the near future, along with some other lingerie and outfits I want her to have. She should have a fine time shopping for all the things I want her to get.

We've been doing well, with only a minor problem here or there, that is easily dealt with and corrected verbally. She has not needed a punishment in quite some time, I am happy to report. She is coming along quite nicely in her training, although sometimes she does not think so. I know she is learning a great deal, and she has come much farther than she appreciates. I take those rare occasions that require clarification, explanation or scolding in stride, knowing full well she learns from each one - and to be fair, they are rare. It takes a great deal of time to train a new submissive, and she sometimes has higher expectations of herself than I have for her. She does not see the immediate results she thinks she should, but I do see results and I am pleased with her progress.

Llama also has been making great progress in her ability to express to me what she likes and dislikes, and her tolerance for some things has come a long way. She still enjoys certain things more than others, but she has come to enjoy some new things, and is much more receptive to experimenting with others. For instance, she was leary at first about knife play, which I recently introduced her to. After the first time, she found that it was incredibly erotic and a huge turn on for her. She has asked me to take it a bit further, and in time I will, when I think she is ready. Right now, it's still pretty benign when I do it with her. She also has been introduced to wax. She likes the idea of it, but the sensations delivered are still a bit much for her. I need to work her into that slowly, and maybe get the special cooler temperature candles for her. Llama has also expressed a desire for some more intense bondage. This, of course, I am more than willing to provide for her. I will be getting her into some more in depth bondage sessions, with higher degrees of confinement as well. Hence the need for some additional restrainment apparatus. I also will be working her into more and more rope play. Up to this point, it's been fairly simple restrainment and bondage, that will be changing here rather soon. She will be going from wrist and ankle cuffs, tied spread eagle face up or down, to some much more involved scenarios. Our last session included some stretching and modified hog tying. This and much more lies in store for her very soon.

As I said, she is doing quite well and coming along very nicely in her training. I am very proud of her, and could not ask for a better submissive, student and partner. I look forward to our future together, it should continue to be nothing short of incredible.

Another day of play

We had the whole day to ourselves Sunday, for the most part. We had some family obligations in the evening, and had to go out for a couple hours around noon. But, beyond that, we had the rest of the day alone.

I was up before Llama, as I normally am. I had allowed her to sleep in her pajamas the night before, something she rarely gets to do, since I like the feeling of her naked skin against me all night. After being up for about an hour, and checking e-mail and enjoying the quiet of early morning alone, I decided it was time to play with Llama. I stroked my cock to get it good and hard, then I quietly entered the bedroom and climbed into the bed. She was asleep on her stomach, so I laid on her back. Before she had a chance to wake up, I ripped her pants down to her ankles and slid my cock between her legs, grinding into her. She moaned, half awake and half asleep. I continued to grind against her and soon, she had woken up, and she tried to roll over. I pinned her to the bed by her shoulders and continued to grind against her. It did not take long before I could feel the wetness between her thighs, and I pushed my cock into her. At was still tight, and the angle was a bit off, but I thrust a bit harder until I felt that lovely little 'pop' and buried myself all the way in. She let out a deep, throaty moan, and turned her head to the side. I grabbed a handful of hair, and pulled her head back towards me. I saw her eyes roll back and her mouth drop open, she was already slipping into space, and we had just started. I had not planned on sending her into space, but then again - not a bad place for her to be. In her mind, I am sure this was a bit like her rape fantasy that we had talked about playing out. Although, that was not what I had intended on doing. Why mess with a good thing? I went with the results and decided to make it a forced sex.

I continued to hold her to the bed, slapping at her ass with my free hand, then running my hand up and down her back and digging my nails in as I did so. I leaned down and bit at her neck, ears, shoulders and back. The rougher I got, the more she moaned. She would try to speak, but all she could manage to utter was "Oh, Master...............yeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss" What a lovely thing to hear first thing in the morning.

It didn't take long, and soon she was bucking like an unbroken colt. As the wave or orgasm washed over her, she tried in vain to pull away from me, so it would pass and she could bask in the afterglow. I would have none of that. I continued to ride her, hard and deep. The harder the orgasm hit her, the harder I thrust into her, making it last for her as long as possible. When it finally did pass and she settled down, I grabbed her by the hips and in one motion, slipped out of her and flipped her over. I grabbed her legs, threw her feet over my shoulders and in one deep, hard thrust - entered her all the way. She yelped and squealed, then started moaning again. I sure sign that another orgasm was building. I pounded harder and harder, and way too soon I was ready to cum. I felt the twinge in my balls, knew it would be only another couple thrusts and then I exploded into her. Once spent, I rolled off her and fell to the side. When I did, she let out a loud "Ohhhhh" and fell limp into the bed next to me.

Although our little trist was fast, furious, and fulfilling, I glanced over to the clock and found that we were now running late. I got up and instructed her to do the same. We got showered and dressed, heading out for the days activities.

A few hours later we returned. Llama asked me if she may take another shower, so she could shave what she did not have time to shave in the morning. I nodded, and then told her when she came out of the shower, she was to put on her collar, and her black bustier / corset that I like. She asked about panties, and I told her no. I pushed her to her knees, and put my cock in her face. She licked her lips and grinned. She looked up at me, with her 'Master, may I?' look on her face. I nodded and she took my semi-hard dick into her mouth. Soon enough, she had me fully hard and was sucking me with abandon. I wasn't about to pop the cork yet, I pulled away from her and told her to go about her duties.

When she emerged, she asked me if she could straighten up the house and get something to eat. I told her to go ahead, and I went into the office to do some work. After a bit, when she was finished, I told hre to go to the bedroom and prepare to give me a massage. Ever since we bought the new massager, I have a new favorite item in the bag of tricks. We also have a new addition that I am rapidly beginning to like a lot. Last week, Llama came home with a bottle of K Y warming masasge lotion. I had done a bit of reserach on it, and read some mixed reviews of the product. I like it, and didn't experience the problems that some have said. Those with sensitive skin might have an uncomfortable burning sensation, but for me - it just produces a ever-so-slight additional level of warmth.

I had her use a lot of it on my back, to make it nice and warm and slippery. Of course, it works better when it mixes with the fluids of the bosy, like sweat or vaginal secretions. She took her time in doing my back, and when done, I turned over so she could do the front. Again, she used a lot of the warming masage lotion, and it felt great. When she was done, I told her to climb on top and ride me. When she is in the right mood, she loves being on top. This was one of those times. She easily slid down my well lubed shaft, and began rocking back and forth. Soon, she was bucking up and down. She leaned back and reached between my legs, playing with my balls. She rolled them around, stroking and squeezing them. Her slippery fingers slid down and she rubbed my ass while she pumped up and down.

I rolled her over to her back and continued to thrust in and out of her. She was on her way to another climax. She started to get louder and before she could catch her breath, she clamped her legs around my back and tried to pull back as the wave of pleasure washed over her. I wasn't done yet. I took the bottle of massage lotion and smeared a generous amount all over her breasts, stomach and thighs. I then mashed my body against hers and slid up and down on her as I continued to slide in and out of her. The mixture of the lotion and our sweat made for a slippery and hot combination. The feeling was exquisite,a nd she continued to writhe beneath me as we went on and on. I used the vibrator to stimulate her clit even more as I continued to pound into her. She was moaning, groaning, and panting like an animal in heat. I stretched her to the limit, sliding the tip of the vibrator into the opening of her pussy as I kept up the tempo. I rolled her back over and took her from behind. In and out of her I thrust. It was only a few minutes and she tensed up, her legs locked and she began to shake and shudder. She had another orgasm, even more powerful than the last. When it passed, I turned her over, threw her egs over my shoulders and went at it for one last time. In a matter of minutes, I was ready to cum, and I shot a huge load deep inside her. When done, I collapsed on the bed next to her, both of us spent and exhausted.

After we recovered, we again cleaned up in the shower. This time, however, she joined me and lovingly washed my body for me. Once we were done, I went to complete some work in the office and she came in after a few minutes. "Master" she said "May I use my vibrator and masturbate?" She told me she was still horny and needed an additional release. She grinned and suggested I come in and watch - knowing full well that I love to watch her pleasure herself. I told her she could, but there was a condition. I told her to go put her butt plug in, first. She grinned at me slyly, since we both know she loves anal play and anal sex. She was sure to have another powerful orgasm. She went to do what she was told, and soon I heard a yelp and a whimper from the bedroom. I went in to see, and she was doing a bit of a jig in front of the mirror. Apparntly, there was still some of the K Y warming lotion on her and when she used the regular lube to put her plug in, it reacted against the skin in that sensitive area, causing some burning. She cleaned it all off, and was still in a bit of discomfort. This didn't stop her from her plans to get off, though. She crawled on to the bed and began to work herself into a frenzy. It didn't take long before she tensed up and let out a loud moan and fell limp into the bed - totally spent.

That night, we slept well. Both satisfied from our lustful desires and content to cuddle up together. All in all, a good way to spend a day, a regular fuck-fest.

Dedication

Yesterday started like any other day but by noon, had become something quite different. Master had some work to do during the morning and after He arrived home, He got ready for a shower and we just talked. I laid down on the bed and relaxed while He showered. Soon enough He emerged nice and naked, sliding onto the bed next to me to chat some more.

"Suck my dick."

I giggled to myself and said, "That was nice."

"Suck my dick now."

And with no more encouragement needed I crawled between His legs and sucked Him- something I really enjoy doing most times. I like giving Him that pleasure. He moaned, seeming to enjoy the attention while I was enjoying the feeling of His cock swelling and throbbing in my mouth. Is there anything better than that, than knowing that He's getting hard because of you?

He ended up flipping me over onto my stomach and fucking me from the top. I love being pushed into the bed, having very little movement, being slapped on my ass and thighs, and bitten on the shoulders. I begged Him to fuck me and fuck me He did. At some point He flipped me over and finished off with my ankles by His ears. We laid there in bliss- and of need of another shower. I was in space and feeling wonderful as I usually do and asked if He'd ever considered using the paddle on me while He fucked me from behind - "Mmm-hmm," Master nodded. I smiled smugly to myself and got up to rinse off.

We each showered off and headed out and about for the day. As we were running around, I told Him that my shoulders were hurting me and that I already had bruises to mark me.

"And what do we say for that?" Master asked, looking at me or rather, straight through me.

I smiled and simply said, "Thank you Master."

As dinner slowly approached, we were just watching a bit of TV. I had been pondering the idea of asking Him to flog me later on in the evening, since our "nooner." There are times when I just feel the need to be flogged, paddled, or whatever implement is at hand. I guess it's the need to feel a little pain knowing that it will be bring us so much pleasure and connection that cannot be explained. It also serves as a release for whatever stress I hold and always brings me back to being content, warm, and just being in that 'place.'

"Do you think that you could flog me later?"

Master raised an eyebrow and looked at me, "Is that how we ask?"

"No, will you flog me later Master and tie me up while you do it?"

"I'll consider it."

That was it for the time being - I headed off to prepare dinner while He worked in His office. Dinner was tasty, if I do say so myself. Master went about doing things He needed to do while I cleaned up the dining room and kitchen. We'd each had quite a long day but Master nevertheless teased me before, during, and after dinner. For example, I was doing dishes and He walked in, stood behind me, and nibbled my ear, His hands wandering, roaming between my hips and breasts. He gave my ass a slap for good measure and went back to work.

Ah yes, always so easy to work when your mind is in a completely different place. And trust me, I'm not complaining...

After we had settled in and watched a movie, letting the day unwind itself, He got up and went into the bedroom. I stayed put on the couch, knowing that He'd tell me what to do when it was needed. Master came returned with the arm and ankle cuffs. I sat up as He handed them to me with only one simple word and powerful command:

"Strip."

I shed my clothing and proceeded to put my ankle cuffs on. "Make sure they are snug," He ordered. I did as He said and stayed on the couch.

"Go in and lie down on the bed, put your gag in too."

The gag I bought is not as comfortable as I want -it's a bit too big and hurts my jaw after only a short time. I like wearing one but not the one we have. I was also a bit concerned because I asked Master to flog me, not to beat me. I sighed a sigh of discontent with the gag and got up to take my place on the bed. He called me back out into the living room where I took my spot at His feet, looking up into His eyes.

After explaining about the gag, He decided to let me go with out and sent me off to the room. I laid and waited for just a couple of minutes before Master entered and attached my cuffs to the rope at the head and foot of the bed. He started with the small, rubber flogger, striking so that it was more of a 'thud' but I didn't feel any pain.

He worked me slowly before switching to the homemade cat-o-nines and worked up and down my back, thighs, ass, legs. I just laid there and enjoyed the gradual warming of my body and the slipping of my mind. This continued with the paddle, back to the cat-o-nines, and onto His work belt (made of woven nylon I believe). As much as I hate the paddle, I love it. Damn this love-hate relationship! My favorite was the belt though. It's wide, makes a nice "thwap" sound, and delivers a very even strike that warmed my ass and thighs up nicely. By this time, I could feel the heat rising off of me. At some point, He pulled out the vibrator and slowly began to fuck me with it. Oh wow...God it felt amazing! He turned it on and slid it into me.

After a certain point, everything gets fuzzy. Master worked me up and down, sending me deeper and deeper into space, the constant hum of the vibrator making my pussy even wetter. Before I could react, Master was behind me, between my legs, working the vibrator in and out again. I was gone, soaring in a different world or realm of consciousness, whichever the case.

He put His body on me and entered me. I moaned and enjoyed the feeling of being so filled up, so dominated and helpless. He started fucking me slowly, slapping me, biting me in the same places He had earlier marked. I was much deeper into subspace at this point than I've ever been. I moaned but could barely move. I wanted to beg Him for more but I did not have the power to form any sounds beyond moans and "Oh God yes."

I lost all sense of time and just let Him use me. I completely surrendered to Him, whether He knew it or not. It was quite an amazing experience. I have no idea how long this went on.

"Roll over."

I could barely move but managed to get onto my back. He grabbed my ankles and put them on His shoulders, and leaned into me. He started fucking me harder; I was getting closer and closer to an orgasm with every thrust. Soon, I was cumming, moaning, crying out, and pushing back against Him. He just kept fucking me until my mind and body couldn't take it anymore. It was almost like sensory overload. I begged Him as much as I could manage. I finally got out, "Master, please I can't take anymore."

He let my feet down, which were asleep by this point and hurt. I think He finished on me somewhere. I really do not know - I was beginning to cry simply from the release and depth of space. I do remember that Master got up and left the room. I didn't understand why, and this caused me some apprehension. When I get into space, I become vulnerable and need Master to be with me. Last night was one of these nights but I couldn't get the words together to call for Him.

He came back in and found me curled up and crying. He sat next me, encouraging me to roll over into His arms. He asked if I was alright, and why I was crying. I explained that it was just so much to handle and that I was overwhelmed.

"I'm here now, everything is fine."

I calmed down and just laid there. He went and started a shower for me, returning to help me get up. I was a bit uneasy on my feet as we walked to the bathroom. I climbed and let the hot water run down me. Slowly it brought back to reality enough to wash myself and settle my mind. Master had picked up a bit while I cleaned up. I climbed into bed and into His arms. He asked if I was okay again and I reassured Him that I was fine.

In fact, it was amazing. I found a new limit as to what I can take and was able to voice when that limit was exceeded.

Today, I'm nursing sore, very bruised shoulders, a sore lower back and right hip; but I'm content. The effects of this will last for a couple of days. I asked Master today if He'd enjoyed Himself to which He replied a convincing "Yes."

It has become so much easier to accept His orders and go to Him with questions and concerns, call Him 'Master.' I'm still coming into my own in our relationship. The more He orders me and controls me, the more I want to run to Him, be with Him, please Him.

And that's way my life should be - dedicated to serving my Master.

And the ugly rears it's head....

After the last post I made, I felt wonderful. Master loved it and posted it within a few hours of my leaving the draft. I'm still not sure where the inspiration came from...but that's not important.

The other night, Master took me out for dinner and some fun. He let me choose where we would eat and what we'd do afterwards. Herein lies the problem- I do not like making decisions about what to because I'm afraid that the other person (people) won't enjoy it. I hate making decisions like that. But He insisted and we settled on going to a steak place. It being Friday night, we had to wait for quite some time, after asking for first available. We sat at the bar drinking and eating an appetizer.

Soon enough, we were off to our table where we talked about things. I always wonder if He enjoys our relationship as much as I do or if He is addicted to it like I am. I just want to make sure that He isn't doing this for my pleasure only. He wouldn't do anything He didn't want but it still nags at me in the back of my head. But He is happy and does enjoy what we do.

"Power and control are very strong and are addicting."

After we finished dinner, He counted money that He was holding and handed me part of it. I didn't want to take it; I complained.

I also know better. If He wants me to have it, I should take it without complaint and thank Him.

Oh no. I complained and whined about it. He just wanted to have money in my pocket for things that may come up which isn't a bad idea at all; it's a good idea but I couldn't stop my mouth. He took it back and I was embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty. He asked why I didn't need it. I didn't want to answer Him. I know I shouldn't feel uncomfortable taking anything from Him, since he handles everything in my life for me. This is what I have told Him I wanted, and he has agreed to do, upon taking me as His. I did tell Him and I knew that it annoyed Him and probably angered Him. We've gone through this again and again but for some reason I can't get past it.

Then He asked me what I wanted to do afterwards. I was trying my damnedest not to cry and was fine for the moment. I told Him that I didn't know and asked Him how He felt- He'd been fighting a headache and had taken something at the table to help it go away. If He didn't feel well, we could just go home. I asked Him how He felt to which He responded, "That's not what I asked you, where do you want to go?"

"Well, Master if you don't feel well, we can go home. Do you feel okay?"

He snapped back with, "I feel fine, headache's gone, What do you want to do?"

Ouch. I knew it wasn't gone. All I wanted to do was make sure He was okay and felt up to doing something else. That's all. We drove around for a minute or two when He said that He had something in mind; He was going to take me shopping to an adult store He knew of. Fine with me, I didn't want to pick.

As we got closer, it dawned on Him that it was late and the store was probably closed for the evening. He asked again what I wanted to do...

At this point, I need to explain that I am not used to this. I am not used to anyone in my life caring about what I want. This is something that I have tried very hard to work on since being with Master.

And I told Him that I didn't care. I can't remember if He said something or if it was His body language but I knew that I'd probably pissed Him off. I felt so small, so terrible; I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. I was taking what was suppose to be a nice night out for us to relax and enjoy each other, and ruining it. And without much effort I might add.

I turned away from Him in the car, not wanted Him to see the tears in my eyes and my cheeks. He decided what to do in this time and we ended up a cigar bar. By time we got there, I was okay but I was trying hard not to just shut down. I was punishing myself for it all.

I was very quiet and Master asked me if I was okay, that I looked miserable. I answer that I was fine and that where we were, was actually very nice. It was quiet and laid back. I'm not much for the bar or club scene very often. I have to be in the right mood. I was fine but I was punishing myself. I knew better. Eventually I told Him this and He ordered me to stop punishing myself. I tried, I really did try and enjoy myself but I felt like shit. And still do on a level. He wasn't mad about it but it was bugging me. I was reserved for the rest of the evening.

I can't see the progress that Master says that I've made. I can only see myself screwing up when I know better and fowling up all the time. I should know better after all this time. All I want to do now is apologize and cry into His shoulder while He hugs me but I can't. As I write this, he is off at work. I'm afraid I'll never get past this cycle of feeling like I'm not performing or behaving as expected by Him, feeling guilty, and having to apologize in tears just to get all the feelings out. Punishment would only make me feel even more guilty for everything, in justifying my punishing myself, because He had to punish me. He shouldn't have to deal with this anymore but I can't get past it sometimes. I'm not even sure that I've gotten better with it.

This morning, He kissed my cheek before He left, not wanting to wake me up. I felt Him get close and dozed off again as soon as He left. I'm the only one with the problem.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let it get to me and zap my energy?

I don't know the answer but I do feel better after spilling everything here. I told Him last night that if He wanted me to have cash in my pocket book, that I would take it without complaint because I did understand His reasoning.

I need to go handle some things on my "To Do" list that's only getting longer as I sit here.