You See Everything

Oh I wish I had the camera here with me right now. I have some nice, black bruises on the inside of my thighs that I can't help but admire every chance I get. Master used His teeth to mark my thighs the other night while He switched between licking my pussy and biting it. I about went through the roof when He bit down on my labia and pulled them away from my body.

I love His physical domination over me, sexual and nonsexual. When we're together, He drives, always. I've only driven Him to the doctor once when He couldn't do it Himself. He'll hold my hand and lead me through crowds. He's held the back of my neck as I've walked ahead of Him, careful to follow His guide. I'm usually walking ever so slightly behind Him or standing behind Him, even when speaking with friends. I keep the house clean. I run errands for Him.

I kneel in front of Him. I love His hand around my throat or twisted up in my hair. His hands can completely wrap around my wrists. When He cuddles, He pulls me so close into Him and holds me there. I couldn't get up, even if I really wanted to. Who would!?

I can read His eyes and face. He orders for me at restaurants which makes me giggle; I always wonder what the waiter/waitress thinks when He does this. He holds the door for me and will open the car door. He treats me like a lady. And a slut. And a slave. He'll be careful with me or hurt me when He chooses to.

On that note, I'm still on this pain-kick. I'm constantly wanting more and more. I'm hoping that Master will bend me over and spank with some of our toys this evening. I'll be wearing new pajamas that barely cover my ass. Perhaps Master will snap some pictures of my red little ass. Maybe I'll ask Him to bruise me, mark me.

Whew, I'm getting myself all worked up! My mind is just imagining these things and I'm getting wet. I need to go distract myself for a bit!!

Blogging

I need to apologize to all our readers. Blogging had become such a big part of my life for so long. Where'd it go awry? There were days I would spend hours on end reading many different blogs, not just the BDSM ones. I had an ever-growing list of regular reads. Maybe that was the problem.

I made contact with so many different people and accumulated such a large list, it became too much to keep up with. Then it became harder to choose between the adult-content blogs and the vanilla blogs.

I first noted I was slipping keeping up with the BDSM blogs, mostly because it became impossible to read them from work. Our IT folks started keeping an eye on what folks were looking at on the web while at work. So, I had to delete all bookmarks on my work computer, along with clearing out the history and cookies and cache as to not get caught looking at 'inappropriate' material. That of course didn't affect what I could look at home or on my laptop, but my work hours have steadily increased. With that also came a change of sorts in where I was working on certain days - even complicating things more. I will try and clarify so as to not be as cryptic.

I was splitting my work time between a couple different locations. One of those was a very laid-back and easy job. I had very little to do during the working hours to actually complete and fulfill my requirements. This left a great deal of free time while at work to surf the web and read blogs..... and get paid for it at the same time! The internet connection I was using was wireless and with a laptop, no one was really able to track what I was reading - made it easy. Well, several months ago, I had to leave that location and begin working somewhere else. This location not only didn't have a wireless connection, but my work load increased 10 fold. Don't get me wrong, I love the job and it keeps me busy, interested and stimulated - but even if I had the time (which I don't) to read the blogs, I didn't have a safe way to access them. With that change in work location & increase in the work load, also came a dramatic increase in the number of hours I spent at work. This left little time when I finally came home to dedicate to reading any sort of blogs.

Then I noticed I wasn't really reading the vanilla blogs at work anymore, I just didn't have the time. And as with the adult blogs, I didn't really have the free time at home at night anymore to read them. I made these realizations several weeks ago, but didn't have the time to really do much about it. So, here I am.

I am very much out of touch with everyone I used to read daily, often more than once a day. I haven't commented on any of my most favorite reads in months. So guys, I'm sorry. I have not intentionally abandoned anyone. And as is evident from our posts, they are sporadic and short at best.

What little free time I have these days, I have been trying to spend with llama and working on our D/s relationship. As everyone in this lifestyle is very aware, life tends to get in the way of blogging and blog reading. We have made some good progress with many issues we were facing, and we've had several play sessions, but I have slacked in taking pictures and posting pics for HNT.

I am so far behind on my regular reads, it's pathetic. I tried to read several today, since I had a day off, and I was very dismayed to find I was lost as to what is going on in many of our 'friends' lives. That realization is what prompted this post.

I will not promise to read everyday, nor will I promise to post everyday, or put up pics for HNT each week. But I will promise this - for those of you out there that are still reading us, despite the fact that we don't post each day anymore and have not been putting up many pics, I will promise to try and write more often and more regularly.

Along with that, I wish to thank those of you that have stuck with us for this long, and have been patient while these changing circumstances in our life have prevented us from being active on here each day as we had been in the past.

So Innocently

That's how it all started. Master had an unexpected day off and decided to go in and take a nap before a promised night out. "Why don't you come in here and massage me?"

I sighed, turned off the television and strolled into the bedroom. He was lying on His stomach so I crawled up beside and started to rub His tired, tight shoulders. I worked up and down His back and around His shoulders for some time. I stopped and Master wanted to know why. "Well, if I continue rubbing things, you'll never fall asleep." I chuckled and we talked about nothing in particular for a little bit.

We got to laughing and teasing each other. I honestly was going to leave Him be but in teasing, we started wrestling; I ended up wrapped up in His arms next to Him. I made a mention that He could nibble while He was back there. *smiles and chuckles*

He did more than that and bit into the flesh of my back. I quivered. I needed to be hurt and Master knew it. He bit into me again drawing a moan out of my mouth and another full body quiver. He continued biting me, scratching, slapped my ass cheeks through my shorts. This went on for a few minutes before Master got off the bed and told me to remove my shirt and bra.

I obeyed and laid back down on my backside, already very sore and feeling so amazing. Master stripped down and retrieved our toy box out of the bedroom closet. He dug out the bag of clothes pins. Oh how I've missed those things! He climbed back up on the bed and said, "I've been wanted to try this for a long time now."

He began attaching the pins around my left breast. Oh my gawd!!! I was soaring so high it was unbelievable. I could feel the pain but I wanted it and needed it. I'm not sure what happened in the short time but soon He was pulling them back off and ordering me to roll back over. He than took my ass hard and deep. I love feeling His cock buried in my ass. The thought of it is making me horny now. He fucked me for what seemed like an eternity and made me cum two or three times. I know I came right after He entered me and started thrusting.

After He came, we both collapsed onto the bed. I was so high, soaring through space, every nerve in my body concentrated on feeling Master as His body lay atop mine. He pulled out and went to get cleaned up with me following quickly thereafter. I was such a submissive mood afterwards.

I could feel my face glowing and soul warmed. Unfortunately no pictures were snapped of this adventure although Master has promised more fun with clothes pins in the future and we promise to share the photos next time.

We chatted about it at dinner, this dark place I find myself. I'm not at all depressed or sad. It's dark because of my need to be hurt and my want to hide away from the outside world and be used by my Master at home. The thought has crossed my mind a lot in the past week; why do I need to be physically hurt so bad right now? Where has this come from? There have been times in the past where Master hasn't been able to smack my ass without eliciting a yelp of pain and now, I can't get enough.

I've questioned myself over and over again. Part of this need scares me and yet, more of me is calm because Master is in control of the pain He gives. Yesterday, He backed off at one moment because He knew it was a bit much and let my endorphines catch back up. I trust that He won't really physically harm me. He'll hurt me but He'll never give me more than He knows that I can handle.

So, I've sat back and let Him take the reins. He knows that I need to be hurt and He'll give it to me when He believes I need it. It's so wonderful that I can trust Him so much. It frees me from the worry, stress, and fear about it all. I'm starting to think that I've made it to a deeper level of my submission, without much thought or trial. I think it finally happened when I quit worrying and questioning myself, and left it all to Master. I learned that all by myself...I'm so proud!

We are in a very good place right now.

Made to Last

I'm happy that I've been able to sit and catch back up on my blog reading this evening while listening to some music that hasn't been heard in a long time. I fell behind this past weekend while we had some family in from out of town. It was a wonderful weekend spent eating, drinking (in my case, a bit too much one night), and enjoying family.

Things with Master and I have smoothed out so wonderfully. I can't believe the headspace that I find myself in now; I'm more comfortable, calm (for the most part), and feeling more feminine. When Master is home, I'm always checking to make sure that He doesn't need anything and constantly looking for things to do for Him before He asks.

I still have my moments though they've been less and less. My PMS has been down to a minimum and I'm thinking that I have my new birth control pill to thank for that. I know Master hasn't minded the lack of mood swings and meltdowns, as Kaya calls them.

The other thing that I've noticed is that I have this insatiable urge to be hurt. I don't mean nibble and twist: I mean yank my hair, slap my face, bruise me with teeth, beat me until I cry and beg You to stop, kind of hurt. Master doesn't beat me or even hurt me every time we have sex. Sometimes we make love but that's also gotten more passionate. He's been more responsive to my need for more and more pain and graciously gives it to me, all the while making sure that He doesn't go too far.

I think that's what has kept me in this space, this happy, smiling, eager-to-serve slave state. Of course when I'm in this state, I'm also more sexual, more open, more revealing in my dress at home. I'm just trying to figure out how I can feel more soft and delicate and at the same time, want to smacked around, used, and hurt.

My dark side has started to enter my mind more and more these days as well. I suppose that it's coming out in my need to be hurt so bad. I started having thoughts of more involved, heavier scenes. My want to go deeper into submission is also growing and that scares me somewhat. I'm afraid of what Master would ask me to do should we delve deeper. I want nothing to do with other people or to be locked up and left alone so I'm not sure how we'd proceed into the deeper aspects of my submission. During these times it's easy to see that I'm still a novice. I don't completely understand how to delve deeper. I do know that I can trust Master and that He'll never make me do anything I truly couldn't handle.

Well, I am also going to try and post more often. Our stats have dropped and that's okay but I'd like to start getting some readers back again. We've been spending more time together and more time dealing with life's little issues that always come up at the worst moments. I'm hoping that Master will be able to start posting HNT pictures again soon. I don't have the pictures stored on my laptop or else I'd post them myself. It just depends on whether He has time or not.

A special thanks to Padme for always finding time to leave us a comment. Master and I appreciate them greatly. Hopefully more people will find their way back to us.

Changing tides

A great deal has happened in the last couple weeks. Most importantly, I took some much needed time off from work and re-connected with my llama. We made a couple of day trips to the beach & the mountains, and spent some time alone at home. We worked on some projects around the house, and renewed our playing.

llama's attitude, outlook and demeanor has changed a great deal in the preceding weeks, not only because of the time spent together, but also because of a great deal more communication between us. There were some lengthy discussions about what she wanted, along with some heated arguments and some raw emotions. In the end, it has worked out well. She has realized who and what she is once more, and has re-asserted herself in being the sub and slave she wishes to be and that I require of her.

After her beating a couple weeks ago, her focus has come back full force. She needed it, admitted she wanted it, and desired that I not hold back. When I was finished, she was whimpering and hurt. The physical pain quickly passed, but the mental pain was real and present for days. It took a great deal of talk to get her past it and again make her realize her focus. Once that happened, the pieces began to fit back together nicely.

I had a meeting to attend the other night, and I would be home after 10. Before I left the house, I gave her instructions. When I came home, all my instructions were carried out to the letter with precision and detail. I walked through the door to find her kneeling in the hallway wearing a white cut off tanktop, black g-string, thigh high stockings, heels and her collar. Her head was bowed in submission and she was holding a cocktail for me. We sat in the living room as I sipped my drink and smelled the aroma of scented candles placed throughout the house.

When my drink was gone, she asked if I was ready for my massage. I nodded and led her to the bedroom where she had everything prepared. The candles were lit throwing shadows around the room, with just enough light to see by. She undressed me and asked me to lie on the bed face down. She climbed into the bed with me and began to rub the warming lotion into my shoulders. She massaged my shoulders and back, then down to my buttocks. Each time she got to a new spot, she added more of the warming massage lotion and worked it deep into my skin. She reached down between my legs and stroked my balls and the head of my cock every so lightly, just enough to begin getting me hard. She used her oil slicked fingers to tease anus. She then continued to work down my legs and to my feet. As she rubbed my feet, she lifted up my leg and I felt her tongue on my toes. I had never asked her to suck on my toes before, and had never really considered the action. The sensation was strange and erotic at the same time. My cock was fully hard as she took each toe into her warm, wet mouth and alternated by sucking and licking on them. She then did the same thing on the other foot, about making me crazy.

When she was finished, she asked me to roll over, and she dutifully rubbed my chest and pelvis with the lotion, careful not to touch my erect cock. She worked around my groin and down the front of my legs. She leaned down and without touching my cock with her hands, sucked my cock into her mouth. Her tongue was magic, and she had me ready to explode in no time. Instead of allowing that to happen, I stopped her and told her to lie down.

I began smacking her ass, slowly and lightly at first, then I picked up the pace and the intensity. Soon, she was moaning and grinding her hips into the bed. I then tied her down and I switched to the paddle, then the flogger and then the cat-o-nines. With each change of implement, I increased the tempo and the force and she became more aroused. I then inserted her butt plug, and continued to smack her ass. I didn't think she could stand too much more, she was extremely over-stimulated. However, I had one more surprise in store for her. I pulled the 12" knife out and began to run the blade down her back, around her hips and over her well-beaten ass. She was squirming and moaning in pleasure.

I untied her, flipped her over keeping the butt plug in her ass,and slid my cock all the way in one thrust. She let out a scream and began to shake; her first orgasm. When it passed, I started pumping her hard and deep, bringing her to multiple orgasms without letting up to give her a break. After about the 5th one, I again picked the knife up and traced the blade around her breasts and belly, and up to her neck. She let out a guttural moan and then screamed in pleasure once more as the next wave of orgasms hit her. This time, it sent me over the edge as well, and I unloaded deep inside her. We fell together on the bed and held each other until we both dozed of to sleep.

We've had a few other sessions since that one, but we can't write about everything now can we? I will tell you about what happened yesterday though. llama had been asking for some additional submission. She asked if she may kneel in front of me as we talked. I agreed, and soon that simple conversation and her kneeling had me aroused. I got up, leaving her kneeling there and walked into the bedroom. I called to her, and told her to come into the bedroom. I had her kneel in front of me again, then I pulled my shorts down and ordered her to suck me. She took me into her mouth and expertly sucked my cock and made my knees go weak. I then had her stand, pulled her clothes off her, threw her to the floor and took her. It was animal, savage. She was clawing and scratching at me, and it only lasted a few minutes, but it was hot as hell. We came together and then fell apart. I got up, cleaned up, and went to work. I got a few interesting text messages from llama shortly afterward.